I'd be willing to bet that you made a lot more mistakes earlier on in life, because you impulsively acted out most of your hunches... but that you probably learned a lot more, and got a better "feel" for what was realistically possible, too.
An astute assumption.
I do know that when I was much younger, I displayed signs of both Ni and Ne, but I definitely started to settle into Ni after being criticized by several teachers for doing something differently than how I was told, even though it made more sense. And I just know that I would feel unbelievably embarrassed displaying much intelligence or creativity in front of people in the real world now (though it's not as bad online). The way a lot of people would feel if they were seen naked or something.
I don't know if you rummaged through the "NT - Child's play" (portrait of an NT child) thread, but, a lot of the ENTPs' anecdotal stories revolved around this very thing - the blatant shock, criticism and rejection from society for the way we were. Except, being ENTPs meant, such resistance, or, criticisms, only spurred us further to revolt and up our 'behaviours'. So, we owned our Ne, and revelled it in, right from the start, especially in the face of adversity. Telling us 'no' only helped us harness our Ne more.
I suppose the scariest thing about Ne to me, though, is the vulnerability. I mean, it pretty much means you're trusting the world around you and the situations you encounter to influence your ideas about things in a positive or meaningful direction, regardless of how screwed up, contrived, or unreasonable the part of the world you find yourself in may be. Basically, to some extent, you're letting yourself be controlled by the present situation, hunches, and context rather than anything beyond it.
Everyone is controlled, to an extent, by the limitations of their surroundings. Whether they want to be or not. Most don't realize this; ENxPs acknowledge this, and learn to navigate it to their advantage.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em, and join 'em gooood.
Secondly, I was conversing with Simulated world and I told him that sometimes I feel like my Ne is a hack. I.e. there's no particular 'originality', Ne just tells the answer that's already there, just in dismantled pieces, by putting it back together. Meaning, a lot of the associations, it's like, 'but, that's so obvious', it just so happens
I pointed it out, but it was there for anyone/everyone to see. And, in this way, I don't see it is as vulnerable, because it is *out there*, for everyone to associate, to own, I just happen to be the one to do it. I'd feel more vulnerable if it was something personal, a personal thought of mine, that 'originated' from me (e.g. Ni), and I put it out there, versus, what I feel my Ne does, just takes what's there anyways (i.e. a reality) and pieces it together. To me, Ne is more detached personally for this reason, hence, less vulnerable.
So, I guess my question is... how exactly does showing creativity help you in life, and how do you manage to avoid feeling constantly embarrassed by it? I mean, does it just not register that it might make you look silly or inappropriate, do you just not care? Do you have something you tell yourself, or some kind of force inside that makes you keep doing it anyway?
Your answer; you answered it:
For the sake of curiosity, for the sake of chasing an idea to the fringes, I am willing to forego embarrassment.
This is what keeps me doing it, anyway.
And, as for feeling embarrassed, again, because Ne is external, I don't feel some personal attachment to the associations I make, because it's a 'logical' association (Ne+Ti) that could have been apparent to anyone. It didn't come from me, but, the world around me, which everyone (not just me) is privy to. Anyone could have made that association, so anyone could possibly be embarrrassed by it, it's everyone's to own. I just said it. That's the only difference between me and others.
I just said it.
