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  1. #251
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    You guys would be proud of me! I think I am learning the ways of Fe. I sat through a whole Fe gushy meeting today and actually was appreciative of how the different folks were using it. I am learning so much.

    This seems beneficial so here are a few more scenarios:

    One about tertiary Fe:
    An ESTP girl that I am close friends with says she cares about people very much and that typically everytime she does something she thinks about how it will effect those around her before she does it. Yet she has a fiance in canada, a boy in mexico, a boy in california, a boy in colorado and a boy in austin. Initially she will tell them it is not exclusive, however they will all eventually want to be exclusive. After some pressure she just tells them they are-even though she has a harem. She says "I care about all of them, but it only makes them unhappy if I tell the truth so I just don't after they complain a bit, and now they are all happy"

    Fi says lies are kinda evil and that she is really hurting these guys emo wise. My guess is that with her Fe she really does care, but that maintaining social harmony and happiness makes telling the lies easier. Am I correct on this one? How would a (granted immature) tert Fe justify this?

    I wouldn't justify it. It's dishonest. If she wants a harem, she should dump them and keep looking until she finds men who are willing to be in one. If she can't find any, her tough luck.


    And I think any type, with any functions, can find a way to make themselves feel better about lying to other people (or to themselves).

  2. #252
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    One more scenario:

    I recently was part of about a 200 person team that completed a major project. At the end of the project the subject of awards came up.

    I wanted to give five awards to the folks who killed themselves for the project.
    My ENTP best friend wanted to give out thirty awards as not to leave a whole bunch of other people out so we got in an Fe-Te war.

    Our ISFJ Marcom person wanted to give out 100 awards.

    Our ESFJ marcom person wanted everyone on the team to get awards-all 200 of them.

    I keep running into this on issues of recognition/awards. Fe seems to think entire groups should get recognized and not individuals, where folks with Te think you are diluting the award when everyone gets one.

    Is this an Fe theme? If so, why should everyone get one?
    *scratches head* I don't think you can purely attribute it to Fe.

    Yes, I think everybody should get recognition for the work they've done. But the degree of recognition is dependent on how much they contributed to the end product.

    I would have done the following:

    Recap of project, what the team has accomplished.
    Verbal brief recognition to everybody for a job well done.
    Move onto special recognition/awards for selected few.
    There's no point in handing more than 10 awards because long ceremony is boring. 5 is a better number.
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  3. #253
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Seems you have to decide for the first time in your life, what side to take ? the side of the Ones that really did accomplish something or the side of the Ones who say: everyone gave their best
    Which is not necessarily true ...

  4. #254
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    I have known her for years. I cannot experience her physiological response to pain. I do understand my own very well. What I see is a long term complaint of mild pain and an escalation of medications in an attempt to be totally pain free without an understanding that sometimes life is painful and you have to learn to live with that.
    So you are the appointed judge and jury to decide how she should react to her own personal illness? You get to judge her for not being as *strong* as you believe yourself to be? How is this even Fi/Fe? I am not seeing the Fe in her behavior on this issue.

    Since when was it only an Fe trait to complain when one feels sick or to relate the personal events of one's life to a friend?

    It sounds more like misunderstanding between the two of you and compassion fatigue on your part, unrelated to any specific personality type.

    Totally aside from the fact that I don't understand how you've been able to judge from the outside looking in that her pain is always mild....People are Individuals. They each have their own strong and weak points, their own individual breaking points.

    For me, I can do nothing to relieve her pain. However to see her in what I perceive as pain makes me hurt for her. So then I feel guilt and more emo pain that there is nothing I can do to remedy her situation. I can supply condolences and love, but not correct the issue. My Fi emo pain increases cyclically.
    Why are you required to feel pain and guilt? Does she really desire this or is it your own internal fear and distaste for illness and pain?

    There's a book called But You Look So Good, you ought to read it.

  5. #255
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Just because you're not primarily Fe doesn't mean you can't exert Fe power. Look at all the obligatory speech there - you're obliged to defend your country against it's enemies. Dissenters are violating their sacred obligation to their country. That's very Fe
    I don't think this is quite right. You are referring to obligations. Duty is more the realm of Si than Fe. What you are saying does apply to SFJ's (and STJ's too). It doesn't really apply to NFJ types.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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  6. #256
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It sounds more like misunderstanding between the two of you and compassion fatigue on your part, unrelated to any specific personality type.
    This ^ well said heart.

  7. #257
    Senior Member Fiver's Avatar
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    For those interested, the award methodology that has the most positive impact on morale and effective, productive achievment of organizational goals is to create a 'winner's circle' that everyone has an opportunity to achieve.

    If you consistently limit awards to a certain number +/-, then people will look around, figure out who is killing themselves and let the obvious award contenders do everything. Just my two cents.
    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    Fiver is correct, it is freeing to not have to impress someone, to be accepted for who you really are.

  8. #258
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fiver View Post
    For those interested, the award methodology that has the most positive impact on morale and effective, productive achievment of organizational goals is to create a 'winner's circle' that everyone has an opportunity to achieve.

    If you consistently limit awards to a certain number +/-, then people will look around, figure out who is killing themselves and let the obvious award contenders do everything. Just my two cents.
    Yep, at work I call them the Department Mules, Beasts of Burden. Everyone knows they can count on them and they end up getting all the work.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  9. #259
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I don't think this is quite right. You are referring to obligations. Duty is more the realm of Si than Fe. What you are saying does apply to SFJ's (and STJ's too). It doesn't really apply to NFJ types.
    Duty is merely the obligation one has to a higher group. Duty as far as "it has to be done" is certainly the realm of SJs, but patriotism/nationalism is very much a Fe situation - taking the tribal instinct (extraverted feeling) and expanding it to a nation-state.

  10. #260
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Duty is merely the obligation one has to a higher group. Duty as far as "it has to be done" is certainly the realm of SJs, but patriotism/nationalism is very much a Fe situation - taking the tribal instinct (extraverted feeling) and expanding it to a nation-state.
    No that's still Si. Have you ever heard the term "Call of Duty"? That is what duty is all about. Nationalism is all about Si.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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