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  1. #151
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    If left with our pain we can try to do as amar suggests-isolation-we can sort of morph into the worst INFJ ever but I dont think this is healthy. The Fi circles back upon itself and can amplify. Instead I dump that shit out-like puking after way too much to drink. You feel so much better afterwards once it is out of your brain.

    Why? I think Fi really is a mirror. I-incorrectly-assume others have the same mirror. I project my pain-you dont respond-I project more pain-you still dont respond-I then vocalize my pain-you still dont respond-I explode emotionally. I have to keep turning up the volume because you are not "hearing" what I am projecting.

    I am going totry creating several example threads so come play along if you would like down in NF land. It will allow isolation of each item.

    You're quite right, especially in a debate or heated argument we overload and mirror back (and amplify!) what we get thrown at us, as we are unable to contain all the emotions, both those tossed at us and our own.
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #152

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I think this is a good time to address the issue directly linked to this. Fi tends to view things through it's own eyes. That *looks* like monopolization and self-centeredness, however it is certainly not intended that way. We tend to bond by sharing experiences and relating. And those experiences tend to be personal, as that's how we operate, from within.

    One of the things I actually learned on this forum, because you get a chance to go back and edit (and I still sometimes forget and have to go edit), is adding one little paragraph to my posts. You see, when I relate to something, I share something personal of mine, to show that I've been there, that I understand and possibly, what I did. This is not meant for attention-whoring purposes, it is genuinly meant as a means to relate and form a bond with the person in pain and show that they are not alone.

    Unfortunately, it doesn't always come off that way. What I try to do nowadays, is add after my personal story a little parargraph as to how it actually is relevant to the original topic and highlight the similarities, as well as get the topic back on track as such and the limelight back to the person I was relating to. It somehow comes off a lot less selfish to do it that way apparently, as you indicate that it's not a tangent and you are still in fact commenting on the main issue, and not just drawing attention to yourself and how much pain you had to endure in your ordeal.
    Personal relation is not what I'm referring to. I do the same thing.

    I'm referring to negative Fi-users making decisions and choosing courses of actions based on the premise that "no one suffers like I do."
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  3. #153
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Some ESFJ bosses have a tendency to micromanage. This likely isn't strictly an Fe problem but Si + Fe... I suppose you can try handing her a list of things you will be doing just to "remind her again that you're on track" or doing it verbally. Actually the Fe way of doing things is just to internalize the process so you ended up automatically saying the stuff. Adapting to their needs sort of thing, but that's probably not natural for Fi to do.
    Problem is that she already gives me 'lists' to keep tabs on me and she's not even supposed to be my boss, just my collegue who just happens to have seniority. I respect her claim and her vast knowledge as I'm nowhere near her level, but it does aggrevate me on occasion, I have to admit. I cannot help but feel that she considers me like a child she has to raise. But maybe that's just coz she means well? Or is she in fact annoyed at the fact that I am not as efficient in her eyes?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #154
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Personal relation is not what I'm referring to. I do the same thing.

    I'm referring to negative Fi-users making decisions and choosing courses of actions based on the premise that "no one suffers like I do."
    Can you give a concrete example of those decisions or courses of actions?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #155

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Can you give a concrete example of those decisions or courses of actions?
    Potential thought process: My girlfriend only thinks she understands how I feel, but she doesn't. This pain is crippling and she should know that I can't be expected to do <blank>, while I feel this way. What happened was so wrong, I can't believe she doesn't agree. There's no point in explaining because she'll never understand.
    A cold shoulder or passive-aggressive snark may occur during subsequent conversations and the relationship flounders into unproductive territory.

    I assume you only wanted the negative Fi example? Or did you need a side-by-side comparison for the two?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #156
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I just wanted to see what you were referring to, to see if it was a miscommunication or a flaw of the person themselves. It looks like a flaw or immaturity
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  7. #157
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Amar, I'm working on an example to illustrate my point from earlier.

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Potential thought process: My girlfriend only thinks she understands how I feel, but she doesn't. This pain is crippling and she should know that I can't be expected to do <blank>, while I feel this way. What happened was so wrong, I can't believe she doesn't agree. There's no point in explaining because she'll never understand.
    A cold shoulder or passive-aggressive snark may occur during subsequent conversations and the relationship flounders into unproductive territory.

    I assume you only wanted the negative Fi example? Or did you need a side-by-side comparison for the two?
    That's a great Fi Dom description. Since no one understands our pain, no one is qualified to offer advice.

    I would be very interested in hearing an Fe example.

  8. #158

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I just wanted to see what you were referring to, to see if it was a miscommunication or a flaw of the person themselves. It looks like a flaw or immaturity
    Absolutely. A mature Fi-user learns to harness their Fi rather than being shackled by it in turn.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  9. #159

    Default negative Fe-usage

    My boyfriend needs to understand how I (or we) feel, but he doesn't so I'll show him. <Cue verbal lash out> "You need to stop being so selfish and think how what you're doing affects me and my family. We needed you to do <blank> and you didn't! That is so wrong. I cannot believe you didn't see that. This conversation is pointless because you don't understand."

    Punishment for a failure to conform and perform ensues and may take a variety of forms.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  10. #160
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Is it possible that people who do this (bot Fe and Fi) never fully realize that others don't work the same way they do? I mean, I myself found it hard to see that, and in what way (MBTI rules on that). And in that event, is it possible to...cut them some slack without giving them what they want? I mean, not get aggrevated and be understanding that they still have to come to terms with this on their own?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

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