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Is there such a thing as worst match?

KarenParker

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
319
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7
I've read that keeping the two inner functions the same and having the opposite functions on the ends determines your "best match." (For example, ESFP/ISFJ) So then I was wondering, does that mean that keeping the two functions on the end and switching the ones in the middle would be your worst match? (For example, ESFP/ENTJ) That might make sense because I've never met an ENTJ I didn't think was a total @&*$% but it also seems like it wouldn't be that black and white. I know in socionics they have "conflict relationships" and that would be your complete opposite (For example, ESFP/INTJ)...

Thoughts?
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
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I always thought your worst match would be your complete opposite...
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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19,769
To be honest I think this is something quite individual. Any combination can work.

The only real problem is when someone is expressed in a few letters and the other side is as well (in the opposite letter od course) .

But very balanced ESFP and very balanced INTJ are actually quite similar people.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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Nov 19, 2008
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7,038
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ESFP
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9w8
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sx/sp
Yeah there isn't a true match for a type overall. It's an individual thing. For example my "worst" match is probably ENTP.
 

Matthew_Z

That chalkboard guy
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xxxx
From my experience, it all depends on a person's inferior function; they tend to either love or hate people who use it.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
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EsTP
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I think Keirsey gives us a hint of what our worst match would be..

The Keirseyan opposites

ENTP/ISTJ
ENFP/ISTP
INTP/ESTJ
INFP/ESTP
ENTJ/ISFJ
ENFJ/ISFP
INTJ/ESFJ
INFJ/ESFP

The Keirseyan ideal relationships are different in every way except for the N/S function.. these couples are different in every way (method of social interaction and temperament) and are practically aliens to each other.
 

BlackCat

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sx/sp
I think Keirsey gives us a hint of what our worst match would be..

The Keirseyan opposites

INFP/ESTP

The Keirseyan ideal relationships are different in every way except for the N/S function.. these couples are different in every way (method of social interaction and temperament) and are practically aliens to each other.

This is individual as well. I agree with Kiersey's ideal relationships. I love ENTJs, I wish I had an ENTJ woman! I'd totally love that. The ENTJs I've met have been great. The males have been good friends, and I've gotten insane chemistry with the females.

As for ESTPs, I have no issue with them whatsoever. I enjoy their company a lot. I would like one of them for a relationship (if they were mature enough to dedicate) as well.
 
G

garbage

Guest
My ENTP/ISFJ parents have about the worst relationship in the world, and my EsFJ sister and ENTP husband conflict a lot.

In both of these cases, the females get pissed that the males don't "pay attention" or "consider others." While I (obviously) have a mindset that's more like my dad's and my brother-in-law's, I'm sympathetic to the opposing viewpoint.

If one person's driving functions are another's undeveloped ones (talking the four-function model here), they'll probably just have a horrible time understanding each other. I don't do well with Fe and Si, myself. Overuse of them in others tends to grate me, and I'm sure their lack of development in me grates others around me, too. In my experience, this barrier is not easily surmountable.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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My ENTP/ISFJ parents have about the worst relationship in the world, and my EsFJ sister and ENTP husband conflict a lot.

In both of these cases, the females get pissed that the males don't "pay attention" or "consider others." While I (obviously) have a mindset that's more like my dad's and my brother-in-law's, I'm sympathetic to the opposing viewpoint.

Sure, but there's no excuse for not considering others. I find it helps to have general rules for conduct. That way you don't need to be actually considerate, merely consistent in applying your rules.
 
G

garbage

Guest
Sure, but there's no excuse for not considering others. I find it helps to have general rules for conduct. That way you don't need to be actually considerate, merely consistent in applying your rules.

I completely agree. But I place considering others--and paying attention--in quotes because the females' perception is that these guys are completely selfish and completely inattentive. Since these tasks are more difficult or less valued for the men and come naturally for the ladies, it comes across as though they're not even trying. This is a problem, and it's possibly an example of how certain matches can be outright bad.

(I'm only a bit "better off" than these other guys because I'm aware of the models that might describe my own weaknesses and have sought to use them as a tool to iron them out. I still conflict with my mother at times, but at least I understand why.

Thankfully, my ISFJ mother was a very good influence on me regarding considering other people, politeness, and so on. That and the fact that I've studied psychology makes me at least aware of the social etiquette arena; whether or not I choose to obey it is situational and dependent on the level of effort required. I know my limitations with the whole "Fe" thing, but there are parts of it that I greatly value and have absorbed as part of my own personality.)
 
A

A592

Guest
My Keirseyan opposite is the ESFJ. Which makes perfect sense to me, I know ESFJs and our personalities definitely do clash sometimes.
 

Space_Oddity

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I believe that there is most certainly not such a thing as 'worst match'. It all depends solely and only on the individuals. Saying that someone is one's 'worst match' because that's how their types are theoretically supposed to work is just an excuse for not being able to work out their differences and being unable/unwilling to understand that person as an individual. Actually, I'm convinced that typology is pretty useless and sometimes even harmful when it comes to relationships, especially for people prone to self-suggestion and prejudice.
 

Tamske

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Have they actually done statistics on that "best match" thing?

It seems like an idea which has run too far. Why would it be the different outer letters making a best match? And not different inner ones?

I totally like to cooperate with Sensors. To me, an N/S match seems like heaven: you get a framework AND you get the details right.
An J/P match? The J is annoyed by P procrastination, the P is annoyed by J inflexibility.

See? I can find reasons why some matches would work and others would not, too. To me, it seems like someone thought the "best match" is "this one" and afterward devised reasons for it.
 

Eowyn

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The only real problem is when someone is expressed in a few letters and the other side is as well (in the opposite letter od course) .

But very balanced ESFP and very balanced INTJ are actually quite similar people.

:yes:

I'm married to an INTJ. When we're both on, we work together really well. He can direct my energy and focus to a situation, and I make that situation bearable for the both of us.

When we're off.....well, let's just say we're very, very off.
 

Rebe

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All my friends are Guardians and they help me with the day-to-day stuff and keep me anchored from my dreaminess. Usually though, I don't listen to them. And for them, I am gentle and I nurture.

But, I can't be with a Guardian romantically. They don't stimulate me intellectually or physically. I think this might vary between NFs.
 

Argus

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My worst match is an ESFP. Whatever that means.
 

Charmed Justice

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Have they actually done statistics on that "best match" thing?

It seems like an idea which has run too far. Why would it be the different outer letters making a best match? And not different inner ones?

I totally like to cooperate with Sensors. To me, an N/S match seems like heaven: you get a framework AND you get the details right.
An J/P match? The J is annoyed by P procrastination, the P is annoyed by J inflexibility.

See? I can find reasons why some matches would work and others would not, too. To me, it seems like someone thought the "best match" is "this one" and afterward devised reasons for it.
There are statistics on long term marital satisfaction and type. The study I'm familiar with reports that SJs are happiest with other SJs, and NFs with other NFs. SPs tend to be happiest with NTs, but NTs feel very differently, statistically being unhappy with their SPs in the long run. NTs are happiest with NFs, and least happy with SJs. Power and control conflicts are twice as high between Perceivers and Judgers than when Perceivers pair with other Perceivers and Judgers with other Judgers.

The same study showed that TJs report the most satisfaction together, followed by: FJs with other FJs, TJs with TPs, and FPs with FPs. Least satisfied in the long run were: FJ with TJ, TP with FJ, TJ with FJ, and TP with TP.

Personally, I don't pay attention to the theoretical matches. I enjoy INTJs as friends, but I can't see myself being happy living with someone with a strong introverted thinking judging preference. My most fulfilling intimate interactions have been with EXXPs and an ISFP. Some of the highest satisfaction rates are between sensors and intuitives.

In any case, some types are clearly more attracted to people of one type or another. For example, ISTJs and ENFPs show a much higher than average attraction to each other; and statistically, the rate of marriage between the two types is reportedly higher than average. But according to the study that was done, people of these two types are very much unlikely to be happy together in the long run, at least statistically speaking. Rate of happiness is something like 43% between ENFP/ISTJ compared to other combinations, which tend to yield satisfaction rates well above the 60's and into the 80's.

So statistically speaking, being magnetically attracted to a type of person=/=being satisfied with them in the long run. Other branches of psychology back that idea up as well. Imago comes to mind. We are often drawn unconsciously to a type of person who is totally unlike us because we haven't yet accepted ourselves. The study showed that, in general, the most stable long-term relationships are between people with the most type preferences in common(NT/NT and STP/STP are the exceptions). Of course, any type can theoretically get along; but realistically speaking, there are some people who have preferences that don't work well with our own.
 

PoprocksAndCoke

A Benign Tumor
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Nov 7, 2009
Messages
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My best match would be an ENTP ;)
Second best would be INTP.
Third best would be ESTP.
Fourth best would be ENFP.
Worst match would be ISTJ:sick:
Not that there's anything wrong with em.
 

Thalassa

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I think there are worst matches for people as individuals, but not one type vs. another as a whole. Like I might totally be repelled by certain types, but that doesn't mean that all NFPs feel that way...
 
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