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Thread: 3's

  1. #1
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Default 3's



    Does someone has by chance some ressources or personal experience on 3's ?!

    I did that Enneagram test thing today for the first time and I scored 3w4. I always thought I was a 5, but it says that an intellectually 3 could think he is a 5. Which doesnt mean that I am intellectual , but they meant, if the 3 is used to do intellectual work for work.

    I yet have no starting point on what to make out of this result
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #2
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    An Enneagram board that I'm on just told me that I'm probably 3w2, rather than 5 or 6 as I thought. So, I'm in exactly the same boat as you.

    If I am a 3, then, yes, I have personal experience with one

    Are you (now or in the past) usually driven to succeed, typically looking for acceptance, and seem to lack a notion of what you really want? Then you might be one.

    It seems that their vices might not be outward deception, but rather that, subconsciously, they feel that they must put on a show for others, be "everything to everyone" while their own desires get lost in the shuffle if they are not careful.

    Here are some good descriptions:
    Type 3 overview
    "the enneagram" -- Threes

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    From what I have read so far, I can identify with them to a great extent, more than I could ever with the 5.

    The thing about them wearing masks to hide their emotions and the thing about them called to be "Achievers" in any sort of way. I can rely to aswell, I wouldnt like it to be seen as a failure.

    But then again, who would like that ?

    So I am pretty much calling the blind in the dark atm
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Everyone needs attention, encouragement, and the affirmation of their value in order to thrive, and Threes are the type which most exemplifies this universal human need. Threes want success not so much for the things that success will buy (like Sevens), or for the power and feeling of independence that it will bring (like Eights). They want success because they are afraid of disappearing into a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness: without the increased attention and feeling of accomplishment which success usually brings, Threes fear that they are nobody and have no value.
    Threes report that when they realize to what extent they have adapted their lives to the expectations of others, the question arises, “Well, then, what do I want?” They often simply did not know; it was not a question that had ever come up before. Thus, the fundamental dilemma of Threes is that they have not been allowed to be who they really are and to manifest their own authentic qualities. At a young age, they got the message that they were not allowed to have feelings and be themselves: they must, in effect, be someone else to be accepted. To some degree, all of the personality types have been sent the same message, but because of their particular background and makeup, Threes not only heard it, they began to live by it. The attention they received by performing in a certain way was their oxygen, and they needed it to breathe. Unfortunately, it came at a high price.

    Marie, a skilled therapist describes the contradiction—and the pressure—of this orientation.

    “For most of my life, people always noticed when I was involved in any kind of activity, and they have usually looked to me for some sort of direction. This has been a two-edged sword because while I wanted to be noticed and approved, the burden was that I had to be perfect—and that was tough.”
    And that is just plain true, spoken out of my heart.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    I think I am in a similar boat with you entropie. I might be a 3w4, but I'm not sure. The first time I took the enneagram I got a 5, then I got 9 a few years later. A few years after that, I got 3, and read a similar thing about intellectual 3s mistyping as 5s (and also about unhealthy 3s mistyping as 9s ... and I was definitely unhealthy when I got 9 the first time).

    But my 9 score is still sometimes higher than my 3 score, and I relate more to the famous people typed as 9s ... and 9s apparently mistype as *everything* so I don't know.

    This rings true to a large extent with me, though:

    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    Are you (now or in the past) usually driven to succeed, typically looking for acceptance, and seem to lack a notion of what you really want?
    Hmm ...

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Kinda intresting thing
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    entropie, if you still have doubts about possibly being a 5, here is something about how to tell the difference between 3s and 5s. (This was taken from Enneagram Institute: Enneagram Testing & Training, but they make you sign up for an account to be able to access it, so I figured I'd just copy and paste it here.)

    Misidentifying Threes and Fives

    The principal reason these two very different types are confused is that some average Threes (especially if they are intelligent) would like to see themselves as "thinkers." Since Fives are most stereotypically seen as the "intelligent, thinking type," average Threes may choose it rather than the type they actually are. This misidentification is made almost exclusively by Threes since Fives are not likely to think that they are Threes. Average Threes are set up to fulfil the hidden expectations of their parents; so in a family that values intelligence, originality, and intellectual brilliance, it is quite natural for Threes to grow up thinking that they must be those things in order to be worthwhile. Thus, narrow conceptions of the types, or unflattering and unfair presentations of type Three in some Enneagram literature may cause some average Threes to want to be Fives.

    Some Threes may well be thinkers and have original ideas; they may excel academically and be brilliant students. But these traits alone are not sufficient to be a Five. Once again, the root of the misidentification lies in focusing on one or two traits rather than considering the type as a whole, including its central motivations.

    There are many significant dissimilarities between these two types. The kind of thinking they engage in is very different: Fives are very process-oriented: they do not care about final goals and can be extraordinarily involved in abstract ideas for the sake of acquiring knowledge, virtually as an end in itself. The pursuit and possession of knowledge enthralls Fives, and not only do their interests need have no practical results for them to be satisfying, average Fives are just as likely never to seek fame or fortune for their discoveries or creations. Fives follow their ideas wherever they take them, with no particular end in view. Their ideas need not even be related to making discoveries. Creating their own private inner realities can be reward enough. In any case, average Fives will stay with a project for years until they exhaust their subject or themselves, or both.

    Threes, by contrast, are not usually involved in subjects for their own sake: they change their interests and careers rapidly if the success and recognition they seek elude them. Moreover, average Threes pursue their intellectual work with personal goals in mind (either consciously or unconsciously): to impress others, to be famous, to be known as best in their field, to be acclaimed as a genius, to beat a rival at a discovery, to win a prestigious prize or grant, and so forth. The essential consideration is that their intellectual work is frequently undertaken to achieve goals and garner recognition rather than for the love of knowledge and the excitement of intellectual discovery. In Threes, self-promotion and status-seeking elements can enter the picture. Average Threes tend to promote themselves and to talk about their brilliant achievements, whereas average Fives tend to be secretive and reticent about their work and discoveries. Furthermore, the pragmatic thinking of average Threes calculates how to achieve goals in the most efficient manner, something completely alien to impractical, curiosity-driven Fives.

    In addition, Threes are highly sociable and well groomed: they know how to present themselves favorably. Fives are usually loners and often put little to no effort into their personal appearance: their appearance means less to them than pursuing their interests until the problems are solved and the work is done. Average Threes are highly aware of what others think about them, whereas average Fives care little about anyone else's good opinion. Average Threes want to be considered as sexually and socially desirable and will conform to and set social standards. Fives are often strange, eccentric, and isolated from others–not at all concerned about conforming to social standards. Contrast the personalities of Threes such as Michael Tilson Thomas and Carl Sagan with those of Fives such as Glenn Gould and Stanley Kubrick.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    Also also, you can check out the relationships & compatibilities section of that site to see if you relate to other enneagram types more like a 3 or more like a 5:

    Compatibilities for Relationships between Enneagram Types

    (I'm not sure if you have to log in to see that part of the site. I don't think you do ...)

    Somehow none of this has helped me out, lol, but it seems you relate a lot to the 3 description already, so this can just be extra confirmation if you need it.

  9. #9
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    That's a good one thanks for sharing it.

    Tho I am not quite found with the idea to be a show-off I prolly have to get used to it at least one day in my life -.- .

    We got new namesigns in our office on thursday and I was the only one who wanted a BSc. to be added after my name. I didnt know I was the only one, I thought everyone would do it, but on thursday I found out that infact I was the only one. Most of the others didnt care

    Ouh fuck me. Do you think we can justify our goal-orientness in the face of god in the end with the belief that it should have been for the benefit of all mankind
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Oh ya thank you thats good aswell. That's the best description I ever got of my INFJ and me :

    Enneagram Type Three (the Achiever)
    with
    Enneagram Type Six (the Loyalist)
    What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
    Surprisingly, this is not a common pairing, although these two types can work very well as a team. On the positive side, Threes bring hard work, optimism, energy, a desire to communicate to and connect with people, and a feeling of unlimited potential both personally and in the relationship itself. Threes can bring an enormous sense of self-confidence and the hope of success that is assured—that this relationship is a winning team or that this couple is the best ever! Common goals bring them together—they are both practical and want to achieve tangible things in the world. Sixes bring grounding, industrious hard work, perseverance in difficult times and personal loyalty to the Three. Sixes provide warmth, support, and a great deal of practical good sense. Sixes can also bring a compassion for the downtrodden or the less fortunate in life. Threes can pick up on this compassionate quality in Sixes and learn to open their own hearts more deeply to the underprivileged and the unfortunate.

    Both believe in applying elbow grease toward goals, whether toward financial security or developing personal talents. In short, they are both doers. They foster equality and mutual respect for the different talents each brings and the shared interests they invest in. Threes help bolster the Six's confidence and develop their self-esteem. Sixes offer support to Threes without Threes feeling smothered. Sixes also help Threes to become part of something bigger than themselves-a church, a service organization, a political or spiritual group. Both become stronger individually and as a team by "finding themselves" through service and humble hard work. Respect for each other can grow as each continues to discover the other's good qualities. This can be a very enduring and successful couple as long as heart-centered values and deeper principles keeps them both grounded.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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