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[MBTI General] What types are your family and friends?

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Fi was something both parents would push on me as I entered adolescence, but it went over my head. My "Feeling" was more concerned more with the external harmony with others, and they believed harmony should start within, and you should have more of a logical harmony on the outside to get along with people (neatness in appearance, order,etc.) I could never understand this, and it was often aggrivating, and came acrossbto me as pacifying. If others don't respect you, just "respect yourself" and it will all work out.
Thus this came up in their use of Fe, which was Trickster. They were not really concerned with shared values (generally calling society an "insane asylum"), but when I was having problems with people, they appealed to external values, and even overestimated them, as Berens even says. Like suggesting I had trouble getting girls because I would sometimes have wrinkes in my clothes, or because they saw me with my shirt coming untucked sometimes. Yet one girl I liked would hang around with a bummy guy who was dirty from head to toe. I tried to tell them that couldn't be it, but then they appealed to their age and knowledge. So again, it was confusing for them to call society an insane asylum, but then criticize me for not going along with it. But that was their way of trying to motivate me to grow and survive in the world. When they did articulate Ti "principles", they were quite literally, "critical parents".

My parents were exactly like this (ISTJ mom, ISFJ dad). When I was in middle school, they would go on and on about how they felt the system was stupid, and how teachers were morons, and so on. Then, when I showed up with a detention for something silly like chewing gum, they became all rigid about how I shouldn't be blaming anyone else but myself because I had pissed the teacher off (there was no official anti-chewing gum rule).

They do this to my brothers (ENTP & INTP) as well. They would go on and on about how they should be their own people, how they should be individuals and stand up for themselves in the face of everyone else's values (and this would literally come in the form of a lecture). But now that my brothers are teenagers, and one has decided to grow his hair out longer for style while the other has let his grow unruly for lack of caring, my parents harp on them all the time to get it cut. They've even threatened to cut it themselves. In all fairness, though, this pressure comes more from my ISFJ dad than my ISTJ mom...which I think may reflect more of a homophobic tendency than a type related difference.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I have a reson to think


Mom xNFP
Dad: ISFP
Grandmother: ESFJ
Aunt:ESFJ
Uncle: ESFP


Guess who is the black sheep in the family.:vader1:



But we don't hate each other
 

Colors

The Destroyer
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
1,276
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Good questions, Eck, I wish it wasn't merged. (And good responses!)

I'm curious about the dynamics between types within a family.

My parents are divorced. I have one younger brother.

Mom: E?F?
My mother is the hardest to type for me. She tends to be incredibly irrational in arguments to the point where you can only "win" with her if you resort to emotional manipulation. She very much distrusts people in theory and will draw paranoid conclusions based on little to no evidence. But in practice, she connects with people very easily and helps them quite readily. I think that for a long time she tried to fit into an ISFJ mold, which confuses my reading. At present I think she's ENFJ, with a side guess on ESFP.
Dynamic: My brother and I generally try to avoid her when she's being completely wrong and drastic because it's completely useless to discuss anything. At most other times she's rather concillatory and forgets all about her heated declarations of sweeping change- and rather easygoing. A rather poor listener and hoists her own interpretations into everything. Rather turbulent, so we kids don't understand her much (and vice versa).

Dad: eSTJ- The charmer: He puts on a public face of geniality and joke-making (while spewing time-tested "meaningful" cliches a mile a minute). Very manipulative. In private, he's very controlling and rule-making and always expecting things to fit into *his* mold of the idealized world. His very traditional world and unflexible, sexist ways contributed greatly to the divorce.
Dynamics: What we have in common is are generally logical approaches, however most of our interactions involving any sort of decision-making ends up rather explosive and incredibly antagonisitic. He always set up rules and I always ignored them because our core values were often in conflict. He's very into social status/manipulation where I was into genuine-ness (word?).

He's also very traditional, aka sexist, which was a huge contributor to the divorce. I always resented his ideas of what a female offspring should be like and his great relationship with his ESFJ nephew (the true eldest son he never had). Least flexible person in the family, especially with minor household chores/upkeep.

Brother: iSFP, teenage; the peacemaker: A very sensitive soul though he's gotten better at hiding it now that he's pretty much all grown up. Very active and needs constant contact with his friends.
Dynamics: He often avoids conflict as it comes up in a family unit or concedes his side or takes blame on himself- the end result (and harmony) matters more than standing up for oneself or being "right". I suppose he took on this role at some point out of necessity due to three other stubborn personalities. The best listener.

He has a much better relationship with our dad. Mostly because he's incredibly gullible to my dad's "tweakings" of the truth. And he's able to subvert my father and catch him off guard using his natural silliness and fun. It's a balance that works for them, though I'm constantly having to reinform my brother with the cynical cold-hard facts.

Me: female ISTP (early 20s) - I often fall into the arbitrater/ tie-breaking role. I suppose I'm perceived as the fair one, but also the stubborn and antisocial one.
Dynamics: In family life, I can be very much the eldest sibling, bossy and always thinking that people need me to rely upon (even when they are probably very capable on their own)... all which is very different to who I am in the world. My brother sees me as the incredibly cranky but smart older-sister. My mother sees the idealistic and lazy and independent daughter. My father sees the rebellious and impractical girl.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
All Fs! That makes so much sense!


Yes it does. The reason why I didn't say more is because I was curious about others noticing it.



I could never trully relate to them.
It is not only F, I technically share only one letter with each of them.
(if we presume mom is E).


That is why I have started to develope self suficiency from early childhood which resulted with what it resulted.

Because of physical appearance I know I am not adopted.
 

Colors

The Destroyer
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
1,276
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Antisocial_one said:
That is why I have started to develope self suficiency from early childhood which resulted with what it resulted.

Did you feel like you had to develop self sufficency because your family members were so lacking? Or even not lacking so much as inefficient?

Or were they just ... different?
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
Did you feel like you had to develop self sufficency because your family members were so lacking? Or even not lacking so much as inefficient?

Or were they just ... different?

I was never average Joe and I was rated a gifted since when I was a baby. While others in kindergarden were drawing houses an flowers I was already interested in things like Jupiters atmosphere and world atlas.

For my entire life there is a huge gap between me and everybody else.
My family was/is quite kind to me but there was never a real click.
Yes, they are quite inefficient by my standards.
 

Sture

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
60
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
Hah
My dad is ENTP.
My mom is INFJ.
My sis is INFJ.

My dad is an I, otherwise we're in the same situation.
(I also have a ENFJ sister and a ESFP brother)

How do you cope with the INFJ dominance?

I discovered the MBTI system at the same time as I was really getting to know my sister and developing a great friendship with her. I got totally into the INFJ type and basically proclaimed it my favourite other type (I like ISTJ too). But now, 1-2 years later, as I'm getting over my crush on the INFJ type, the downsides of the INFJs have almost entirely overshadowed the positives. These days I often find it challenging/frustrating spending time with my INFJ sis and mom. Especially when they're together of course.

What is your experience?

At first I thought maybe ISTJs are more comfortable with INFJs, but then I remembered seeing my sister and her ISTJ boyfriend together.
Comparing my sisters relationship with me and that with her boyfriend I think it's as simple as that the friction arises where the letters differ. I have a problem with her FJ and he with her NF.

Any thoughts?
 

Clownmaster

EvanTheClown (ETC)
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
965
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
Me: ENFP
Brother: ISTJ (talk about a weird childhood for the 2 of us)

Grandma: ESFP
Grandpa: ISTJ
Mom: ISFP? probably wrong on this one.
Dad: Drunk. Haven't been around him sober long enough to type him.
 

NewEra

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2008
Messages
3,104
MBTI Type
I
My dad is an I, otherwise we're in the same situation.
(I also have a ENFJ sister and a ESFP brother)

How do you cope with the INFJ dominance?

I discovered the MBTI system at the same time as I was really getting to know my sister and developing a great friendship with her. I got totally into the INFJ type and basically proclaimed it my favourite other type (I like ISTJ too). But now, 1-2 years later, as I'm getting over my crush on the INFJ type, the downsides of the INFJs have almost entirely overshadowed the positives. These days I often find it challenging/frustrating spending time with my INFJ sis and mom. Especially when they're together of course.

What is your experience?

At first I thought maybe ISTJs are more comfortable with INFJs, but then I remembered seeing my sister and her ISTJ boyfriend together.
Comparing my sisters relationship with me and that with her boyfriend I think it's as simple as that the friction arises where the letters differ. I have a problem with her FJ and he with her NF.

Any thoughts?

Actually, despite my mom and sis both being INFJ, they do not getting along the best. I believe it's because they both take things too sensitively. Being with INFJ's is not too bad really, you just have to be careful what you say. My sister tends to hold grudges too, she once didn't speak to me for a month over some small thing I said to her.

So above all, it's the F factor which makes me not get along with them, if anything. One time they got in a fight over the phone, and it's because one was accusing the other of saying something harsh. I thought they were both wrong in overreacting.
 

Headstrong

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
75
MBTI Type
INTJ
Me: INTJ
Mom: ESFP
Dad: ISTJ

Dad's good for talking about deeper stuff, but it's a losing battle when it comes to arguments. Mom and I "fight" a lot, but she can never stay mad at me because I either shred her arugument to pieces and she comes back saying I was right, or I make her laugh.
 

Eric B

ⒺⓉⒷ
Joined
Mar 29, 2008
Messages
3,621
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
548
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My parents were exactly like this (ISTJ mom, ISFJ dad). When I was in middle school, they would go on and on about how they felt the system was stupid, and how teachers were morons, and so on. Then, when I showed up with a detention for something silly like chewing gum, they became all rigid about how I shouldn't be blaming anyone else but myself because I had pissed the teacher off (there was no official anti-chewing gum rule).

They do this to my brothers (ENTP & INTP) as well. They would go on and on about how they should be their own people, how they should be individuals and stand up for themselves in the face of everyone else's values (and this would literally come in the form of a lecture). But now that my brothers are teenagers, and one has decided to grow his hair out longer for style while the other has let his grow unruly for lack of caring, my parents harp on them all the time to get it cut. They've even threatened to cut it themselves. In all fairness, though, this pressure comes more from my ISFJ dad than my ISTJ mom...which I think may reflect more of a homophobic tendency than a type related difference.

That sounds like them alright. Though in your case, the "be yourself" part of it sound sound like the ISTJ's Fi. I guess with my parents, the concern was that if I did whatever I wanted, I would not be able to deal with the consequences. So they valued autonomy, but it was "don't complain when others reject it", and I was a complainer.
 

Sture

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
60
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
Hah
Actually, despite my mom and sis both being INFJ, they do not getting along the best. I believe it's because they both take things too sensitively. Being with INFJ's is not too bad really, you just have to be careful what you say. My sister tends to hold grudges too, she once didn't speak to me for a month over some small thing I said to her.

So above all, it's the F factor which makes me not get along with them, if anything. One time they got in a fight over the phone, and it's because one was accusing the other of saying something harsh. I thought they were both wrong in overreacting.

Oh, being oversensitive, holding grudges, I recognise that all too well...
My biggest problem with them is probably that they can't take criticisms. They are totally unable to accept a fair critique. Instead, they sulk for ages; for weeks, months or even years you can expect bitter remarks about it. Or they immediately try to retaliate with a desperate, irrational, and probably untrue comment of their own.

And then of course there’s that they prefer comfortable lies to uncomfortable truths and that they can't tell jokes, but I'll save that for later..
 

amigone

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2008
Messages
18
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4w5
Me: INFJ

Mom: ESFJ
Dad: ISTJ
Brother: INTP
Sister: ISFP
Brother: ESTP

I get along the best with my sister. Me and my mother get along fine as well, but our communication could be improved. My intp brother and I can have interesting conversations. My mother says he and I were the two children most alike in terms of how we seemed to view the world, but we’ve never been close. I don’t get along well with my father.
 

Bougal

HUZZAH!
Joined
Sep 26, 2008
Messages
708
MBTI Type
ENTP
Me: ENTJ
Mom: ESFJ
Dad: INTP
Brother: INTJ

My dad’s side of the family are all NTs, and are arrogant beyond belief. My mom's side are all SJs other than her father, and they are all very anal. My dad my brother and I all get along wonderfully. We regularly sit in my brother's room until 3 or so talking. All of us NTs are up in the air about the P/J, but from what I have observed I think the types I gave were correct. My mom is without a doubt the outsider in the family.
 

lorkan

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2008
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INFJ
Dad: INTP
Mom: ESFJ
Brother: ISTJ

from my dads past relationship...

half-sister: ISFJ
half-brother 1: ESFP
half-brother 2: ESFP
my sisters first son: ESTP
my sisters second son: ISFP

In my imediate family I get along with everyone but fundamentaly with no one. I kinda feel manipulated with my father and my brother is usually, untiredly, an ashole forging plans to make me do his SJ stuff. He usually sets traps to "punish" me because he thinks I make my life to "easy" for myself. I respect my mother the most. Although we don't have the same values all the time I still love her because she always speaks her mind.
 

LunaIndigo

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2008
Messages
126
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Me: ENFP
Mom: ENFJ
Dad: INTJ? (not so sure on him yet)

I get along best with my mom. My dad and I don't get along that well. He sees things very black and white, and I don't. We get into a lot of arguments.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Mom: ENFP
Dad: ISTP
Me: INFP

Parents are divorced, no siblings.

My mom has a mental condition, she is very unhealthy. She can't stop talking, and wants constant attention and thinks everyone should cater to her. So yeah, that's why they got divorced, my dad couldn't take it much anymore.

My dad is a great guy, the fact that we are IXXP makes it an excellent living-together relationship (I'm still in the house until I finish my Associate's degree). We leave each other to our space, and we don't really care for planning things to do, we just go and do something when we get bored.
 

sade

New member
Joined
Aug 23, 2008
Messages
761
Mom: ISTJ
Dad: INTP
Brother: ESTP

And me INFJ (big sister). And I had them confirm the types too.
Four different temperaments makes a strange family.
Dad's pretty unhealthy: temperamental, alcoholic, emotionally abusive and something undiagnosed.

EDIT: I'll give this much info for Eck's model.
Dad: conflict frequency & force: from high to current nearing medium, corpses left after it
(We're both strong characters and too similar, yet too different. But have been getting along better now that I've learned better how INTPs work. Give him something Ti-ish to munch on and bite my tongue like hell. Now if I could get him to stop being emotionally abusive. Argh.)
Mom: conflict frequency & force: medium to infrequent, mild and usually irritating
Brother: conflict frequency & force: besides teasing.. rare, but the few times have been loud and short
 
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Sture

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
60
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
Hah
Me: ENFP
Dad: INTJ? (not so sure on him yet)

My dad and I don't get along that well. He sees things very black and white, and I don't. We get into a lot of arguments.

ENFP-INTJ doesn't seem like a good match; so I'm not surprised. At least in my imagination they have very different ways of looking at the world. I also recognize that black and white thing; INTJs have a tendency to do that. Narrow-minded may be too harsh, but they certainly have a very fixed way of seeing things. When that view is challenged by the world they easily get frustrated. I often find them childish because of that.
 
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