They do this to my brothers (ENTP & INTP) as well. They would go on and on about how they should be their own people, how they should be individuals and stand up for themselves in the face of everyone else's values (and this would literally come in the form of a lecture). But now that my brothers are teenagers, and one has decided to grow his hair out longer for style while the other has let his grow unruly for lack of caring, my parents harp on them all the time to get it cut. They've even threatened to cut it themselves. In all fairness, though, this pressure comes more from my ISFJ dad than my ISTJ mom...which I think may reflect more of a homophobic tendency than a type related difference.
01-06-2009, 04:54 AM #221Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness
01-06-2009, 05:33 AM #222
I have a reson to think
Guess who is the black sheep in the family.
But we don't hate each other
01-06-2009, 06:00 AM #223
01-06-2009, 06:17 AM #224
Good questions, Eck, I wish it wasn't merged. (And good responses!)
My mother is the hardest to type for me. She tends to be incredibly irrational in arguments to the point where you can only "win" with her if you resort to emotional manipulation. She very much distrusts people in theory and will draw paranoid conclusions based on little to no evidence. But in practice, she connects with people very easily and helps them quite readily. I think that for a long time she tried to fit into an ISFJ mold, which confuses my reading. At present I think she's ENFJ, with a side guess on ESFP.
Dynamic: My brother and I generally try to avoid her when she's being completely wrong and drastic because it's completely useless to discuss anything. At most other times she's rather concillatory and forgets all about her heated declarations of sweeping change- and rather easygoing. A rather poor listener and hoists her own interpretations into everything. Rather turbulent, so we kids don't understand her much (and vice versa).
Dad: eSTJ- The charmer: He puts on a public face of geniality and joke-making (while spewing time-tested "meaningful" cliches a mile a minute). Very manipulative. In private, he's very controlling and rule-making and always expecting things to fit into *his* mold of the idealized world. His very traditional world and unflexible, sexist ways contributed greatly to the divorce.
Dynamics: What we have in common is are generally logical approaches, however most of our interactions involving any sort of decision-making ends up rather explosive and incredibly antagonisitic. He always set up rules and I always ignored them because our core values were often in conflict. He's very into social status/manipulation where I was into genuine-ness (word?).
He's also very traditional, aka sexist, which was a huge contributor to the divorce. I always resented his ideas of what a female offspring should be like and his great relationship with his ESFJ nephew (the true eldest son he never had). Least flexible person in the family, especially with minor household chores/upkeep.
Brother: iSFP, teenage; the peacemaker: A very sensitive soul though he's gotten better at hiding it now that he's pretty much all grown up. Very active and needs constant contact with his friends.
Dynamics: He often avoids conflict as it comes up in a family unit or concedes his side or takes blame on himself- the end result (and harmony) matters more than standing up for oneself or being "right". I suppose he took on this role at some point out of necessity due to three other stubborn personalities. The best listener.
He has a much better relationship with our dad. Mostly because he's incredibly gullible to my dad's "tweakings" of the truth. And he's able to subvert my father and catch him off guard using his natural silliness and fun. It's a balance that works for them, though I'm constantly having to reinform my brother with the cynical cold-hard facts.
Me: female ISTP (early 20s) - I often fall into the arbitrater/ tie-breaking role. I suppose I'm perceived as the fair one, but also the stubborn and antisocial one.
Dynamics: In family life, I can be very much the eldest sibling, bossy and always thinking that people need me to rely upon (even when they are probably very capable on their own)... all which is very different to who I am in the world. My brother sees me as the incredibly cranky but smart older-sister. My mother sees the idealistic and lazy and independent daughter. My father sees the rebellious and impractical girl.
01-06-2009, 06:23 AM #225
Yes it does. The reason why I didn't say more is because I was curious about others noticing it.
I could never trully relate to them.
It is not only F, I technically share only one letter with each of them.
(if we presume mom is E).
That is why I have started to develope self suficiency from early childhood which resulted with what it resulted.
Because of physical appearance I know I am not adopted.
01-06-2009, 06:48 AM #226Originally Posted by Antisocial_one
Or were they just ... different?
01-06-2009, 07:12 AM #227
For my entire life there is a huge gap between me and everybody else.
My family was/is quite kind to me but there was never a real click.
Yes, they are quite inefficient by my standards.
01-06-2009, 10:45 AM #228
(I also have a ENFJ sister and a ESFP brother)
How do you cope with the INFJ dominance?
I discovered the MBTI system at the same time as I was really getting to know my sister and developing a great friendship with her. I got totally into the INFJ type and basically proclaimed it my favourite other type (I like ISTJ too). But now, 1-2 years later, as I'm getting over my crush on the INFJ type, the downsides of the INFJs have almost entirely overshadowed the positives. These days I often find it challenging/frustrating spending time with my INFJ sis and mom. Especially when they're together of course.
What is your experience?
At first I thought maybe ISTJs are more comfortable with INFJs, but then I remembered seeing my sister and her ISTJ boyfriend together.
Comparing my sisters relationship with me and that with her boyfriend I think it's as simple as that the friction arises where the letters differ. I have a problem with her FJ and he with her NF.
01-06-2009, 10:57 AM #229
Brother: ISTJ (talk about a weird childhood for the 2 of us)
Mom: ISFP? probably wrong on this one.
Dad: Drunk. Haven't been around him sober long enough to type him.
Because you can't spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"
01-06-2009, 11:22 AM #230
So above all, it's the F factor which makes me not get along with them, if anything. One time they got in a fight over the phone, and it's because one was accusing the other of saying something harsh. I thought they were both wrong in overreacting.
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