User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 23

  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default You Complete Me! A MBTI Romance

    The thought has sprung to my head--it's been there ofttimes before but I'm just filling it out a bit now--that repeated like mantra is the fact the basing compatibility on this nebulous idea of type is should be taken with a Gibraltar sized grain of salt. But when I see people wanting certain types I'm thinking they want to conform the some type of romantic archetypes that are repeatedly played out in our culture. These can be roughly mapped to the expectations people seem to have regarding type compatibility and romantic relationships.

    I notice that (n)FP/(n)TJ dynamic seems very Mary Sue in terms of the FP thinking they'll chill or thaw the arctic TJ heart. It's very romance book. I stopped reading them at 18. The FP/TJ dynamic can also turn quite sadomasochistic a la Secretary. Or the free-spirited FP will loosen up the buttoned-down business suited TJ. Also, the TJ controls the FP so firmly that her (yes her), only release is to paint, or write. Or the FP expects the TJ to bring some type of order to her(!) life due to her inability to consistently order her life in any functional way. Eventually the FP will come to resent this relentless control that she herself wanted at first and her desire to escape and involve herself in romantic escapades will result in some torrid and ill-fated affair. Or she'll just journal and daydream about it. Or, various assortment of FPs are battling against some TJ machine to stop the destruction of a local wildlife habitat to make way for an upscale strip mall and somehow fall in love. But that's just a variant of the FP thawing the TJ heart.

    I don't really find that same dynamic in the TP/FJ relationship although it could be going over my head. It seems like everything involving FJs and TPs has a mothering, finger-wagging overtone. At least the FPs and TJs get to have some sexual tension. Maybe there's some sexual tension if the FJ is semi witty and not clutching her pearls, fanning herself, and oh dearing about anything that comes out of the TPs mouth. More often than not I think the mythology and lore surrounding this is the FJ tries to get the TP to "grow up" and mature and take responsibility. Oftentimes, the FJ is an overbearing, ballbusting, status seeker and the TP is a schlumpy but good-natured guy or still wants to rock out with the band or follow his dream of being a hardcore rapper. In this incarnation the FJ will makeover the TP but he will eventually resent the person he's become: a TJ. Conversely the TP gets the FJ to loosen up and learn to laugh and enjoy life or some other such nonsense after she breaks the heel of her $750 pair of shoes in the rain and they fall in a muddy and coolant-filled puddle laughing hysterically. At best, the FJ is long-suffering and patient, always there to clean-up the TPs schemes gone awry. The TP may also be beaten into submission so thoroughly by the FJ that he becomes "Yes, dear" and asks the FJ what color and pattern of underwear is acceptable for him to wear.

    FJ/TJ seems to be that overachieving power couple who cares nothing more than about their status: Luxury Car CHECK. Yacht decked at nearest harbor CHECK. Tony house/apartment/condo in upscale neighborhood CHECK. Children attending most expensive private school available CHECK. Powerful six figure job CHECK. Empty and loveless relationship CHECK. Uninvolved with children other than what they achieve CHECK.

    FP/TP I think is far less severe mostly seeming like the laid back couple who are lovable goof-ups. Irresponsible but that's OK! Each thinks the other is a cool gf or bf or wife, husband, or partner. Problems only arise when the extroverted judging world impedes upon their lives by asking them to mow their lawn because an unidentified animal attacked a neighborhood child. (Un)fortunately for them it was the FJ/TJ's kid and they intend to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. If the child survives, he (yes he...he is an FP who was in the process of running away from the TJ/FJ home. The lack of warmth was killing his soul and he just got cut from the junior varsity Golf team) will write the next great American novel based on his upper-middle class but void existence. He now resides in Soho, NYC with his ambiguously classified "life partner" who is also a writer. His memoirs are now a major motion picture starring Kate Winslet and Joaquin Phoenix. He doesn't give interviews, please contact his literary agent.

    Then we can break it down into FP/FP, TJ/TJ, FJ/FJ, TP/TP but I don't have enough archetypes immediately available to me right now.

    Basically it seems to me that stereotypically the FP/TJ and FJ/TP has that ooey gooey Jerry McGuire "You Complete Me" goop entrenched deeply into people's minds with little deviation. You can see this echoed on the forum by the numerous IxTJ/ENFP threads and ENTP/INFJ threads.

    Are these archetypes mere fantasies or are they a mirror of reality?

    Yeah, I really hate romance movies and that's all that seems to be on on the beautiful Saturday afternoon. The life of an extrovert with nothing to do is a sad one.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    Hype
    Posts
    2,078

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Conversely the TP gets the FJ to loosen up and learn to laugh and enjoy life or some other such nonsense after she breaks the heel of her $750 pair of shoes in the rain and they fall in a muddy and coolant-filled puddle laughing hysterically
    WTF, 750 ? srsly protean? You need to hang out with Kantgirl

  3. #3
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    I know!

    But I took the whale sperm vow as well so I think I'm competitive.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #4
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Protean, whenever you post you manage to crack me up. But I don't see much truth in the TP/FJ dynamic when it comes to NFJs and NTPs. My experience with NTPs hasn't been anything like that. Also, the situation could be very different with two introverts or two extraverts vs an introvert and an extravert together.

  5. #5
    Member Vanitas's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w2 sx/sp
    Posts
    46

    Default

    Yes, I've been wondering. Why would some think that we're 'incomplete' with our frozen (read : just asking to be thawed) hearts? As if we're the modern damsels, need to be saved from our icy shells by The Power of Love(tm).

    I got most interference from F friends who constantly try to matchmake me to happiness. xD
    Close your eyes, clear your heart,
    Cut the cord.
    - The Killers

  6. #6
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5&4 sx
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    1,232

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Are these archetypes mere fantasies or are they a mirror of reality?
    I'd say a little bit of both.

  7. #7
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    Interesting topic. Don't know enough about the topic to say much, but I'm quite interested to see how this discussion goes.

  8. #8
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    873 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE Ti
    Posts
    7,164

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I notice that (n)FP/(n)TJ dynamic seems very Mary Sue-
    Stop reading right there.

  9. #9
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    I have a theory about tertiary-primary attractions that may fit here, but I have to type it up first.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #10
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,155

    Default

    Ha ha--the OP is hilarious.

    And true.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


Similar Threads

  1. How would you type me as a child?
    By Kiddo in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 06-13-2014, 05:14 PM
  2. Can you help me type someone?
    By WobblyStilettos in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-12-2008, 04:28 PM
  3. Can you have unusual Enneagram/MBTI combinations?
    By Athenian200 in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 01-02-2008, 01:02 PM
  4. Where do you want me to stick this?
    By Oberon in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 77
    Last Post: 07-25-2007, 04:57 PM
  5. How did you find out about MBTI?
    By Economica in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 06-08-2007, 06:30 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO