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  1. #41
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    Feeling something about the things you do is irrelevant

    If you are nice you are nice

    I know T people who I'd consider nicer than some Fs

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    This leads me to think you're more ENFP. No ENTP I know, not one, has difficulty giving criticism, which results in many debates and fights that could have easily been avoided. On the other hand, the ENFPs tend to be concerned about how their words will be received.
    Actually, I do find it hard sometimes to give criticism - only easier when it's people I know well, who I know will not think it comes with malice. However, I have experienced many times, NF's thinking I'm criticizing when I'm actually not, taking things personally and seeing malice in them that isn't there in reality... A suggestion of maybe "if we tried it another way, it might be quicker" can very easily be taken by a touchy NF as "your way is stupid, I think you're stupid and we should do it my way", which is 100% in their head.

    With regard to the "lower temperature" of coldness that F's can muster, I concur. That whole "lock and load" door slam thing that so many NF's do - I just wouldn't be capable of it. No matter how pissed I am at somebody, deep down I always want to resolve the situation and be friends again, and that will always undermine any intention I have of giving them the silent/frosty treatment that I can never carry out in reality. If I can see someone's trying to make amends, even if I suspect it might be insincere, I can't help myself at least giving them a chance to explain and if they tell me their side of the story and it seems I got them wrong, I do immediately relent and forget all about it, whilst I've known many NF's who will just hold a grudge forever and never relent even if an angel comes down from heaven and declares you innocent!
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  3. #43
    Senior Member Jeremy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    With regard to the "lower temperature" of coldness that F's can muster, I concur. That whole "lock and load" door slam thing that so many NF's do - I just wouldn't be capable of it. No matter how pissed I am at somebody, deep down I always want to resolve the situation and be friends again, and that will always undermine any intention I have of giving them the silent/frosty treatment that I can never carry out in reality. If I can see someone's trying to make amends, even if I suspect it might be insincere, I can't help myself at least giving them a chance to explain and if they tell me their side of the story and it seems I got them wrong, I do immediately relent and forget all about it, whilst I've known many NF's who will just hold a grudge forever and never relent even if an angel comes down from heaven and declares you innocent!
    As an NF, I can say.. I can't do that either. I want to make peace too. I think it depends more on the person than the type.. maybe people who can do that are more emotional in general. But unless you've really, truly wronged me, I won't give up on a friendship, even over something major.

    (Unless you murdered someone of course.)
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  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremy View Post
    As an NF, I can say.. I can't do that either. I want to make peace too. I think it depends more on the person than the type.. maybe people who can do that are more emotional in general. But unless you've really, truly wronged me, I won't give up on a friendship, even over something major.

    (Unless you murdered someone of course.)
    Actually yeah, IME it is mainly INFP's that are the exception to the above
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  5. #45
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    With regard to the "lower temperature" of coldness that F's can muster, I concur. That whole "lock and load" door slam thing that so many NF's do - I just wouldn't be capable of it. No matter how pissed I am at somebody, deep down I always want to resolve the situation and be friends again, and that will always undermine any intention I have of giving them the silent/frosty treatment that I can never carry out in reality. If I can see someone's trying to make amends, even if I suspect it might be insincere, I can't help myself at least giving them a chance to explain and if they tell me their side of the story and it seems I got them wrong, I do immediately relent and forget all about it, whilst I've known many NF's who will just hold a grudge forever and never relent even if an angel comes down from heaven and declares you innocent!
    The door slam is a way for some to deal with the psychological stress and heartbreak that comes with hurt, betrayal, etc. If a person has hurt the NF (or should I say NFJ?), they have no inclination to continue interacting with this person; they want to deal with the issues on their own and prevent further hurt by keeping away from whatever caused it. They are not holding a grudge per se. It can interpreted that way but it's not so. They are simply dealing with deep emotional issues and depending on the situation, it may take months or even years to completely understand and digest. During that time, the NF may seem icy, but their heart is bleeding. After such a period, the NF may grant forgiveness if it's asked for sincerely but you can't rush them. For some it's easy to shrug off slights and keep it moving, but for others it hits them on a deeper level. Everyone has their unique way of working out issues and none are necessarily better than the others.

  6. #46
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mondo View Post
    Most of my peers describe as a nice, sincere, and good-hearted person. More than one person has described me as one of the kindest people he or she has met.

    Does this necessarily make me an F though? I consider myself someone who is loyal and is extremely devoted to his friends. I care a lot about others. However, does that mean I'm definitely an F or could these be traits of a T too?


    I say this because I am not particularly comfortable with expressing emotion but it bothers me when those close to me aren't happy..
    I get that a lot too. I've been called kind more times than I care to remember. I don't know, I guess I just follow through on my promises, no matter what I have to go through. If I promised you 2 months ago that I would get you at the airport at 5a on the 17th, I don't care what happens, I will be there and you don't need to remind me ahead of time. (I'm not like that with social events though...) Even the littlest things casually commented on at a party will get a follow up email with a resolution a few days later. I just pay attention to people and I don't make promises lightly.

    If a friend needs money and I have it to spare, they get it - no questions asked. People pay me back but I never ask for it back. I don't care enough to do that. I wouldn't have given it if I didn't have it in the first place.

    I also rarely criticize. It's a coping mechanism I've learned over the years. And when I am tempted, I am very very sure never to say it to an NF unless the friendship will be ruined by my silence and I really want to save the friendship. Criticism, to me, is a chance for improvement. It always confuses me that people don't want to hear it because I welcome it.

    I don't necessarily feel kind. But they call me that name anyway.

  7. #47
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I absolutely despise the term "nice guy".

    Just putting it out there.

    Sorry.

  8. #48
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    I absolutely despise the term "nice guy".

    Just putting it out there.

    Sorry.
    Yup, it does strangely rhymes with loser doesnt it.
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  9. #49
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    In my experiences, nice guys can be either both..

    I think nice has more to do with a person's value system, which they learn at an early age? Could be type related, depending on what they place higher emphasis on?

    I met some T's whom, in my opinion, have higher moral character than some Fs who don't give a fuck.
    Last edited by kiddykat; 04-28-2009 at 02:03 AM.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    I can fake nice. I mean, not here, but I'm very capable. I do it at work 40 hours a week for 50 weeks a year. No one other than you guys knows I'm a jackass. Although there's an ENFJ co-worker that might be slightly suspicious.

    And . . . my parents know, I guess.
    and we know too.

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