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  1. #21
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Maybe this is different extroverts, but for the time being I consider myself to be INTP, and I definitely temper the things that I say to certain people. If I know someone is sensitive and will take the criticism badly no matter how I say it, then I will avoid saying it. It doesn't seem worth the conflict. Does this make me F?
    I think this comes from the fact that the ENTPs I know are not too aware of how others perceive them, not because they are insensitive. If they knew, they might tone it down. And I don't know if your NF or not, but I think you're a respectful orange blobby thingy

    Furthermore, and in line with substitute's anecdote, the differences between me and my INFJ friend show in how we express our feelings to others. On the surface, she is much more friendly and willing to reach out to others and connect (even at her own expense sometimes).
    That's interesting. No one ever thinks I'm very friendly at first because I never really engage with them unless I find them intriguing for some reason. If they approach me I will most likely be very friendly, but I'm fairly reserved amongst people I don't know.

    This leads people to think that she's the nicer, more pleasant one. Then they react badly when she's not in the mood and won't go through on things that she promised she'd do earlier when she was in a good mood.
    An INFJ not following up on promises? Blasphemy!

  2. #22
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I think this comes from the fact that the ENTPs I know are not too aware of how others perceive them, not because they are insensitive. If they knew, they might tone it down. And I don't know if your NF or not, but I think you're a respectful orange blobby thingy
    Heh, everyone gets a kick out of my avatar! And I meant people that I am pretty familiar with- otherwise how would I know that they are sensitive to criticism? And I think Mondo placed his question in the context of inter-friend interaction. Regardless of context, though, if I am called to make an assessment of some sort (even if it's for something like a petty fight between friends) then I won't hesitate to be honest, which I guess can sometimes come off as critical.

    If asked to assess a situation like that (to mitigate a fight between friends or family members), would ENFPs not be honest for fear of offending someone?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    That's interesting. No one ever thinks I'm very friendly at first because I never really engage with them unless I find them intriguing for some reason. If they approach me I will most likely be very friendly, but I'm fairly reserved amongst people I don't know.
    Well she's reserved and a little weird, but there's still this element of needing to connect with others. For instance, quiet as she is, she will not hesitate to share (what I see as) a fairly personal story in order to make others in the group feel welcomed, or better, or something. And among friends, she always comes off as the more caring one...the one you'd go to first for a favor. This is probably why she can get resentful at times...people probably ask her to do more stuff than they ask me. Whenever anyone approaches me for a favor, they are wary and sometimes overly respectful of my time (i.e., "sorry to bother you, but..." or, "are you sure that's okay?"). Or after, they'll overly thank me, as if the little favor that I did for them was some sort of huge sacrifice for me.

    Maybe I am not good at understanding how I come off to others, but I don't understand what it is about me that makes people think that doing a favor for them is a huge imposition on my time. Unlike my INFJ friend who sometimes gets flustered and resentful of favors (like driving someone somewhere, begrudgingly), if I say I will do something, I do it completely (never half-heartedly).

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    An INFJ not following up on promises? Blasphemy!
    Well she'll usually not flake out, but she'll be passive aggressive while she does it. For instance, if someone asked her to drive them somewhere, and she promised she would, she would do it and be in a pissy/touchy mood the whole time. And she'd keep giving mentioning the thing that she is prevented from doing because she had to sacrifice it for them.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #23
    o edward cullen! Ardea's Avatar
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    I certainly hope so!

    But mostly... I've found T assholes.

    Most men are assholes.

    Most nice guys are NFs.

    There are a lot of asshole NFs.

    Werd.
    Last edited by Ardea; 04-26-2009 at 07:28 PM. Reason: T assholes
    Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

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  4. #24
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    The meanest rudest boyfriend I had was an NF
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  5. #25
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    The meanest rudest boyfriend I had was an NF
    Yeah NFs can be cold when they want to be, and it's at a much lower degree temperature than regular NT coldness. I could never do the amount of social damage and manipulation someone with higher emotional intelligence could carry out.

  6. #26
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Well she's reserved and a little weird, but there's still this element of needing to connect with others. For instance, quiet as she is, she will not hesitate to share (what I see as) a fairly personal story in order to make others in the group feel welcomed, or better, or something. And among friends, she always comes off as the more caring one...the one you'd go to first for a favor.
    Oh, I see. I'm the "go-to" person in my groups as well.

    Maybe I am not good at understanding how I come off to others, but I don't understand what it is about me that makes people think that doing a favor for them is a huge imposition on my time. Unlike my INFJ friend who sometimes gets flustered and resentful of favors (like driving someone somewhere, begrudgingly), if I say I will do something, I do it completely (never half-heartedly).
    Maybe because the INFJ is open in sharing herself with others, people get the sense that she is a very giving person and would have no problem lending a hand. Whereas you're (I take it) less open with yourself so they think you might have more of an issue with favors.

    For instance, if someone asked her to drive them somewhere, and she promised she would, she would do it and be in a pissy/touchy mood the whole time. And she'd keep giving mentioning the thing that she is prevented from doing because she had to sacrifice it for them.
    Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I find it so annoying when a person whines about something they agreed to do, or keeps mentioning it as if it's a hassle.

  7. #27
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Yeah NFs can be cold when they want to be, and it's at a much lower degree temperature than regular NT coldness.
    No less than -28 degrees Celsius. I promise.

  8. #28
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    No less than -28 degrees Celsius. I promise.
    *changes into a sweater*

  9. #29
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Heh, everyone gets a kick out of my avatar!
    Yeah, between that and Blanclait's (Monster Pikachu?)...
    APS Profile: Inclusion: e/w=1/6 (Supine) |Control: e/w=7/3 (Choleric) |Affection: e/w=1/9 (Supine)
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  10. #30
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    Even if they aren't necessarily kind, something many of them have in common is an easiness and willingness to express their emotions to others.
    Such emotional expression often bothers me and I think that's somewhat of a motivation in itself for me to help others.
    Can you give an example of this kind of emotional expression? That you have reservations about expressing emotions might come from the pressure on men to be masculine and much less emotional than women.

    Like Orangey said, having reservations about expressing criticism when you know the criticism will be received badly and perhaps not even heard isn't the same as being afraid of or repelled by conflict (which not all Fs are, anyway). It's being sensible and choosing your battles. I don't waste my breath on conflicts that aren't going to improve my life or the life of someone else.
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