EDIT: DISCLAIMER: TIME OF POST. whatever, hopefully i'll laugh at this in the morning.
It comes down to-
Counting, establishing a pattern, sometimes this requires repeating a thought several times to make sure it fits... i realize this could be interpreted several different ways... oh well. So, at first it doesn't matter what the content of the thought is as long as it satisfies the pattern.. noise, visual, numerical.. first. A beat. Comment: I love speaking about stupid, inconsequential things that are of no interest to the rest of the world.
In a boundary-less moment, a picture of the thoughts would resemble one of those see-through paths/sections(?) on a vacuum- essentially, a bunch of shit zipping about in no predictable or logical path.
From there, I'll throw a line and hook on to one of the fragments, see if it is worth keeping, probably snag a few lines and become momentarily frustrated with the current speed of the passing thoughts and my inability to focus on obtaining one. A good moment will involve hooking a fragment that isn't another piece of vacuum shit... something that actually puts up a fight, causing me to follow it for awhile and forget about the surrounding whirlwind. Unfortunately, those moments internalize my thinking so strongly that I drown my perception of the external... and surface only to realize that I do not recognize how much time has passed or what landmarks... classrooms... I am located in. Comment: Vegan who uses fishing metaphors.
From the calamity comes the search for detail. I consider this part insatiable.. endless, infinite, and blahhhhfnkjlrrestartbutton... i often burn out before this step can be completed... despise asymptotes. In an unhealthy state, I refuse to think at the thought of this inevitable step to avoid the anxiety it guarantees to release. I need to make this sound perilous and dreadful because that is how I perceive it and that makes it real (for now). It gets to a point where the axis is no longer visible... and for that matter, neither is the asymptote... the vacuum that sucked the dirt from the floor becomes.. a vacuum (yes?)... leaving me with no perception of what is up, down, left, right, bending time.. perhaps. In the vacuum (which we have redefined, again, because gravity no longer exists, because at this point all previously accepted rules have been abandoned), there is no telling if the fragment is following me, or I, the fragment, or if neither is moving or if everything around the fragment and me is moving. To control this paragraph, I will abide by the rules in order to communicate effectively: it means, logic is skewed into something that is not accepted as logic... by everyone else. Or so I perceive.
At this point: restart button.
Followed by: Conclusion: I cannot trust my perceptions.
Where to go from there? Apparently I do not know or am caught in some sort of inconsistency/realized hypocrisy because it makes me incredibly anxious.. for no discernible, consistent reason besides-- "I don't know."