User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 20 of 20

  1. #11
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    MBTI helped me understand that my husband genuinely has problems with making decisions that go beyond my dislike of them and he isn't just being passive aggressive when he won't make them in what I consider a timely manner.

    I think that it has also helped him to understand that I am not trying to be controlling when I want to make a plan or ask him to make a decision and that I need those thing to feel secure, but he doesn't think it has helped him. That's fine. All I know is that the way he handled these things seemed to improve after we opened a dialog about P/J differences. Maybe he was just reacting to the change in my attitude and behavior.

    MBTI has also made me more understanding of my SJ relatives. It has, also, I think, helped me to tailor how I work with my children to some degree.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    MBTI helped me understand that my husband genuinely has problems with making decisions that go beyond my dislike of them and he isn't just being passive aggressive when he won't make them in what I consider a timely manner.

    I think that it has also helped him to understand that I am not trying to be controlling when I want to make a plan or ask him to make a decision and that I need those thing to feel secure, but he doesn't think it has helped him. That's fine. All I know is that the way he handled these things seemed to improve after we opened a dialog about P/J differences. Maybe he was just reacting to the change in my attitude and behavior.

    MBTI has also made me more understanding of my SJ relatives. It has, also, I think, helped me to tailor how I work with my children to some degree.
    Cool.

    How did you keep it at an "understanding" level instead of a "(self)-pegionholing" or "excusing" level?

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  3. #13
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    All I know is to never date an ExFJ -- I couldn't live with all the nagging.

  4. #14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    All I know is to never date an ExFJ -- I couldn't live with all the nagging.
    "Positive and Practical"?

    Please, do try again.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  5. #15
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    "Positive and Practical"?

    Please, do try again.
    I dunno, knowing who not to date is pretty positive and practical to me!

  6. #16

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I dunno, knowing who not to date is pretty positive and practical to me!
    True.

    But you may close yourself off to a wonderful ExFJ. But to each his own.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  7. #17
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Cool.

    How did you keep it at an "understanding" level instead of a "(self)-pegionholing" or "excusing" level?
    I'm not sure that I entirely did. But I am lazy. I love efficiency and can be very pragmatic so I focus on what works and try to concentrate my efforts there.

    What good does it do to excuse myself, etc if it doesn't get me what I want? I want to have understanding and harmony and mutual benefit. I want to have enjoyment and pleasantness. If I am concentrating on how everyone else can accommodate me I don't get what I want. I just get frustration.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #18

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I want to have understanding and harmony and mutual benefit. I want to have enjoyment and pleasantness. If I am concentrating on how everyone else can accommodate me I don't get what I want. I just get frustration.
    I've actually found the Satir modes and NLP works in conflicts (but it is really hard to do).

    But I suppose knowing type can give a sort of "background understanding" when resolving conflict. I will try it to see what happens.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  9. #19
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    I've actually found the Satir modes and NLP works in conflicts (but it is really hard to do).

    But I suppose knowing type can give a sort of "background understanding" when resolving conflict. I will try it to see what happens.
    I rarely get into those kinds of verbal confrontations. Generally it's more subtle than that. I want more than just to avoid conflict. I want the people around me to be happy and to be satisfied with the interactions between us. I also want to be happy and satisfied. If I know how to honor the things that matter to them in our interactions, it is easier to negotiate and navigate.

    In the case of getting a decision from my husband, I try to present a few (not unlimited) options that I am okay with. I avoid showing emotion when presenting the decision I want made and the options I'm suggesting. I let him know that I don't really care which thing he chooses or if he chooses something else altogether but I do need a decision. I tell him I don't need to know immediately, but within the next few days. I check back in with him about the decision if has not brought it up and listen to him explain his reasoning (it almost always makes very good sense). If I see a possible oversight in his data, I offer it in a polite way. I listen to what he says about the new data. I verify that I have his decision and what it is and I thank him for it.

    This does not reduce his discomfort with the actual decision making, but it does seem to make him feel less pressured and keeps me from thinking that a decision has been made when he is simply listening to me without stating an opinion one way or another.

    It is not a perfect system, but it is what I have developed thus far and I am pleased with the results most of the time.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #20

    Thumbs up Glad to hear it

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I rarely get into those kinds of verbal confrontations. Generally it's more subtle than that. I want more than just to avoid conflict. I want the people around me to be happy and to be satisfied with the interactions between us. I also want to be happy and satisfied. If I know how to honor the things that matter to them in our interactions, it is easier to negotiate and navigate.

    In the case of getting a decision from my husband, I try to present a few (not unlimited) options that I am okay with. I avoid showing emotion when presenting the decision I want made and the options I'm suggesting. I let him know that I don't really care which thing he chooses or if he chooses something else altogether but I do need a decision. I tell him I don't need to know immediately, but within the next few days. I check back in with him about the decision if has not brought it up and listen to him explain his reasoning (it almost always makes very good sense). If I see a possible oversight in his data, I offer it in a polite way. I listen to what he says about the new data. I verify that I have his decision and what it is and I thank him for it.

    This does not reduce his discomfort with the actual decision making, but it does seem to make him feel less pressured and keeps me from thinking that a decision has been made when he is simply listening to me without stating an opinion one way or another.

    It is not a perfect system, but it is what I have developed thus far and I am pleased with the results most of the time.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

Similar Threads

  1. [SP] uses of type, and why I'm leaving
    By sarah in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 187
    Last Post: 09-06-2015, 10:24 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-23-2011, 06:53 PM
  3. Type and the Use of Emoticons
    By MerkW in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 07-09-2010, 12:59 PM
  4. [NT] High impact on society, reality tested, and heavy use of logic and symbolic math
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 12-13-2008, 09:16 PM
  5. Deliberate use of type theory in fiction
    By Quinlan in forum Popular Culture and Type
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-13-2008, 09:35 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO