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Thread: Fi phobia...

  1. #1
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    Default Fi phobia...

    This is for any tertiary Fi type out there, probably more for INTJs, because of the nature of their dominant function.

    First, I am 22 years old, and some theories suggest that around this age people start to develop their tertiary function, which, in my case, would be Fi. And Fi desires to form close bonds with others.

    I will admit that I am deeply insecure and regretful about my past choices. I've always been the shy type, but only recently have I had concern for developing relationships. I repress these desires by lashing out and becoming angry at other people's happiness, I'm wondering if this is because of my Fi trying to develop and my fear of not knowing how to deal with it.

    I've just never been that enthusiastic about forming relationships with others. My new desires for interaction with others often contradicts with Ni's desire to be what it perceives as idiosyncratic. I guess I'm just kind of scared in losing myself in other people, so to speak.

    But have any other INTJs felt like this at my age?

  2. #2
    heart on fire
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    My own tertiary function (Te) didn't come on strong until my 30's, especially my mid 30's. My own experience with Fi my primary function is nothing like you are describing here. My father was an INTJ and his Feeling side was nothing like you describe here. He was not angry about other people's happiness. He was one of the most empathetic people inside that I ever knew but few people knew how much except those closest to him.

    To be perfectly frank with you, I think you are looking for answers within MBTI that are deeper than that and that you need more help than people on a message board can give you. For that reason I am trying not to respond to your more inflamatory posts.

  3. #3
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I will admit that I am deeply insecure and regretful about my past choices. I've always been the shy type, but only recently have I had concern for developing relationships. I repress these desires by lashing out and becoming angry at other people's happiness, I'm wondering if this is because of my Fi trying to develop and my fear of not knowing how to deal with it.
    See, this kind of post endears you to me.

    Like heart writes, I don't think it is productive for you to think solely in type terms. Everyone needs relationships. It seems like you fear rejection to the point where you rationalize this need. You need to figure out why you are so insecure and work through it.

    A good starting question: What's your relationship with your parents like?

    (You might want to take this to your blog.)

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    Okay. Here's something for starters.

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    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Actually, I could be wrong, but I think Fi is only incidentally concerned with other people. It is primarily concerned with values. Where other people are concerned, Fi tends to manifest itself in a desire for authentic relationships and relating (ie not fake), in maintaining the integrity of one's values with other people. If so, then you are probably facing a fear that you will compromise your values (in your case, honesty, independence and intellectual consistency) in order to make connections. Thus your Fi is perhaps the cause of your "phobia" of Fi.

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    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I guess I'm just kind of scared in losing myself in other people, so to speak.
    I don't know how much this would help, but I used to be very shy and withdrawn too, so I can relate to this statement a bit. Letting people get close to you and see you for all your good qualities AND faults (yes, we all have them) can be a very difficult and scary thing to do...especially in the beginning. However, I have found through much practice and awkward moments that it gets easier over time, and more, you might just discover that people can actually help you find yourself -- as in they give you another perspective where they can see parts of you that may be weak or need improvement and the parts of you where you really excel. Letting people get close to you is one of the most dangerous and yet most wonderful things that you can have happen. I guess all that to say, life is not about playing it safe and analyzing everything...sometimes you just have to try something new and learn from the experience.

  7. #7
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer
    I guess I'm just kind of scared in losing myself in other people, so to speak.


    I fear being controlled by people. I can't stand insincerity in emotion. I am not sure if that is the same thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer
    I guess I'm just kind of scared in losing myself in other people, so to speak.


    I fear being controlled by people. I can't stand insincerity in emotion. I am not sure if that is the same thing.
    Well, I fear that, but also I fear losing my sense of self -- my individuality.

  9. #9
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I'm probably not the best person to help you here. I've had a lot of friends, but most of them weren't close to me. All I wanted out of them was occasionally empathy and support, and then I could return to my books. I never really cared about authenticity. The only changes I've noticed are that I increasingly appreciate honesty, criticism, intelligence, and consistency. (Could that be a result of Ti?)

    So, why do people affect your sense of individuality? Just because you talk to someone doesn't mean they change who you are. You're Uberfuhrer, the dark, angry, violent, Loki-esque jester of counter-culture who likes Nazis, Wicca, and anything contrary to normal values. Your jokes make me want to laugh and shudder at the same time. You're the witty, urbane yet crude sociopath we've all come to know and... tolerate. Seriously, though, our lives would not be the same without you. Does this help?

  10. #10
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    Well, I fear that, but also I fear losing my sense of self -- my individuality.
    If you pick friends who value their own individuality I think they would also be more respectful of keeping proper boundaries and not trying to infringe on yours.

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