This won't be news to many of you...I am obsessed with figuring out my type. And the word 'obsessed' isn't to be taken lightly.
I spend every free moment (truly) trying to figure out my type. I drove 30 miles yesterday to purchase 'Gifts Differing' and 'Personality Type: An Owner's Manual'. I do as little work as possible at my jobs, instead endlessly browsing the same sites I've explored before, but each time following some new idea (that surely, this time, will unlock the answer!). This weekend, like the last and the one before it, have been spent laying in bed reading 'Understanding Yourself and Others' or enneagram books, hardly getting up but for the necessities.
I just keep going in circles and circles.
And this isn't the only subject with which I do this. I am also obsessed with the 'Color Me Beautiful' color-coordinated dressing system. My mom will no longer go shopping with me because I hold every piece of clothing to my hair or skin to see if it is congruent. I would spend the daylight hours of my weekend time not with my husband but outside trying to capture my skin's 'undertone' in the natural light so that I could determine whether I am a 'warm' or 'cool'. (It's amazing that I want so desperately to match colors perfectly, yet I while doing so, my room continues to look like this.)
The problem is, with both of these obsessions, I am apparently ill-equipped at utilizing the systems. One day I will determine with absolute certainly that I am such and such type or that I am a 'warm'. The next day, I 'see' with absolute clarity that I am wrong! I will purchase 'warm-colored clothing' then take the items back because I realize I was wrong. Every cycle includes a 'Eureka' moment followed by disillusion followed by a 'Eureka' moment and on and on.
For whatever reason, I cannot recognize these things on my own. I don't know what's wrong with me. And the more I realize I cannot recognize them, the more I want to re-read the rules of the system and try again! I just know I can do it!
The strange thing is, even in my posting of this, I have faith that the 'answer' is in my obsessions themselves! That the pairing of my tertiary and inferior are responsible for this unhealthy loop.
I'm at the point where I feel the only thing that will help me is to quit these obsessions cold-turkey, but I fear that unless I understand the functions at work, I will do the same thing with something else (previously I was obsessed with finding the 'perfect' career, which ultimately brought me to MBTI which which has obviously gotten me nowhere).
I'm not sure what I even expect anyone to say...I'm just lost at the moment.