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T women - come here please

alicia91

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
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671
I'd love to have a discussion about being a T woman in a society that expects you to be an F. Do you consider it an asset to be T or do you wish that you were a F? Are you conciously trying to develop your F skills? If you are a parent, do you think you are less nurturing? What about romance?

Personally being a T and also slightly I, it's really caused some issues over the years. While I've always been relatively 'accepted' by my peers and I have friends, looking back I realize that I was always on the fringes of the popular girls and I realize now that they were mostly feelers. I felt like a square peg. I didn't have Tiger Beat posters all over my wall, nor did I scream when Shaun Cassidy came on TV, I wasn't into all of that. I secretly read encyclopedias and how-to books. As an adult, I have lousey sympathy skills, though I'm trying to make an effort in this area. I am embarrassed that when someone has a death in the family, I never know what to say other than 'I'm sorry' and I only sign my name on the bottom of the card and call to offer to make a casserole. I never have the right words to make someone feel better. Though sometimes depending on the situation I will offer lots of practical advice. When my friend was going through infertility, I offered to help her find the clinic with the highest IVF success rate. That was all I could do.

I'm fairly confident and am quite happy about myself, still I can tell that I'm 'different.'
 

bluebell

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Apr 30, 2007
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INTP
That's pretty much what my life has been like but I've learnt to accept it (accept is not quite the right word but close enough). This is hard to put into words. I've typed and deleted quite a few sentences writing this post. The typical female stuff I see at work I generally don't relate to and can't picture what it would be like to be like that, so I don't really have a 'I want to be like them' kind of mindset. XSTJ women seem to fit in reasonably well as far as I can tell, though.

I'll think about this and maybe post a bit more later when I can articulate my thoughts a bit better.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
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May 8, 2007
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9,485
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ISTP
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sp/sx
I'm happy being a T. It might make me stick out more, but I think it's more...useful to be a T in our society. I don't relate well to most females and hence all my good friends, and most of my acquaintances, are male. This doesn't bother me.

I do wish I had better interpersonal skills, though I think that's more I than T. I haven't really seen it cause "problems" in romantic relationships. It maybe means I'm more blunt than average, I don't know.

How many of the typical "female" traits do you think are F-traits?
 

pippi

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Sep 6, 2008
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735
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xxxx
Some of that describes me and I have consciously tried to develop my F with some success (Fi anyway). I don't wish I was a different type, I work at being as balanced as I can be.

I went the tomboy route, I was one of the guys since I couldn't be one of the girls. I was a jock so that fit me pretty well. I've always had a lot of guy friends. I'm not a parent so I can't answer that question. Romance wise I enjoy flirting so that helped me fit in, plus I intentionally played down how smart I was as a teen.

Don't you be dissin' Shawn Cassidy, I totally crushed on him (and his half brother David of the Partridge Family :wubbie:).
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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I'm happy being T, but sometimes I feel like an inadequate nurturer because of it, and I feel like some guys are not as interested in me because I'm not the sort of woman who just constantly gives out strokes to make others feel good.

I work in a technical field, though, so in that sense the "T" is more useful -- it builds credibility in the eyes of the men, who are prone to discount women who act too "fem." They do well with T's and most FJs -- anything that provides structure -- but FP women are treated as sort of "fluffy" by them.

I don't know. I think I've developed a really good F/N face, so I can emote soft and encouraging in circumstances I want to, while other times remaining scrappy and resilient.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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I think T women who are in touch with their F side to be ridiculously attractive (in a non physical way of course). When I meet one of these kinds of people I feel compelled to keep up the communication, whether it's for friendship or anything more. Rock on. :D

EDIT: Let me clarify what I said. I think your personalities are very attractive.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I felt like a square peg. I didn't have Tiger Beat posters all over my wall, nor did I scream when Shaun Cassidy came on TV, I wasn't into all of that.

This isn't exclusive to T females. I was totally this way as a teen.
 

527468

deleted
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
1,945
The letter T is ambiguous.

Teenage
Tiny
Tall
Threatening
Tampered
Tangled
Tacky
Terrific
Tarnished
Tangy
Typical
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
T women are hot. The problem is that a lot of young ones are very unrealistic about the world of feelings. I tend to connect most deeply to NF women unless the T women has a well developed F side.
 

bluebell

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The problem is that a lot of young ones are very unrealistic about the world of feelings.

Yep, that's what I was like in my teens for sure. Fe makes more sense to me these days, although I'm still prone to being emotionally clueless at times.

Edit: I don't think that's exclusively a female thing, though - younger INTX males have those tendencies as well.
 

iwakar

crush the fences
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May 2, 2007
Messages
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...I was always on the fringes of the popular girls and I realize now that they were mostly feelers. I felt like a square peg. I didn't have Tiger Beat posters all over my wall, nor did I scream when Shaun Cassidy came on TV, I wasn't into all of that. I secretly read encyclopedias and how-to books. As an adult, I have lousey sympathy skills, though I'm trying to make an effort in this area. I am embarrassed that when someone has a death in the family, I never know what to say other than 'I'm sorry' and I only sign my name on the bottom of the card and call to offer to make a casserole. I never have the right words to make someone feel better. Though sometimes depending on the situation I will offer lots of practical advice. When my friend was going through infertility, I offered to help her find the clinic with the highest IVF success rate. That was all I could do.

I'm fairly confident and am quite happy about myself, still I can tell that I'm 'different.'

I can relate strongly to all but the struck-through sections. I don't think this is exclusively T/F related.
 

Spartacuss

wholly charmed
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Apr 27, 2008
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I am ever tickled when people claim to like T women when they have "matured" and are not so ... well ... T.
Thanks a lot.

I too, am lousy at feeley sympathizing, or more importantly, the expression of sympathetic feelings in emotionally demanding situations and just daily life. I figure I put up with the social stroking when I really do not care for it, and at the very least should be able to expect similar accommodations in the way of personal preferences.

I couldn't say I have wished to be something else. Some people actually dig the difference. Soothing coos are nice, but strictly pragmatic advice is useful too. More importantly, I like myself as is. Instead of battering yourself to fit, surround yourself if you can with people who appreciate what you bring to the table and forgive you for what you don't.
 

alicia91

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Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
671
I'm happy being T, but sometimes I feel like an inadequate nurturer because of it, and I feel like some guys are not as interested in me because I'm not the sort of woman who just constantly gives out strokes to make others feel good.

This just about sums it up for me. I always wonder about all the ESTJs and ENTJs who are top executives and CEOs, how did they learn to smooze and give out these strokes? It's definately part of the job for most of them. Like anything else, I guess it can be learned.

I have been accused of being 'cold' and that does bother me, because it's simply not true. On the inside I feel just as strongly as anyone else, though I might need a little more time to process my feelings and rationalize them.
 

BlackCat

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I think you may be called cold simply because people expect women to be different from you. They probably didn't know what was in store for them.

As for the ESTJs and ENTJs they probably had to work hard to make people notice that they were competent, the state of gender bias is sad in the world.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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I hear the phrase "normal girls" a lot from my F female friends, as in:

"I know you don't get emotionally attached, but us normal girls..."
"I'm not as strong as you. I'm crying about it because I'm a normal girl"

It drives me insane.

Men love to talk to me and think I'm sexy, especially because I also work in a technical field, but most are scared to take it any further relationship-wise. They don't get me. I don't really care, and I would never fake the funk and pretend to be something I'm not. Or pretend to feel something I don't.

I'm very happy being a T and I pity girls who cry at work over some imagined slight.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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I think the basic error here is that people make an assumption that T's don't "feel". Same as F's don't "think". It's more about the external visibility of the process, of the functional strengths or preferences.

As an F in a technical environment, I have to express my knowledge fluently in order to be taken seriously. I use more energy to do so, with Te being my tertiary function. But I can do so and am successful in my field.

So, as a "T" I would expect you use more energy connecting emotionally to the outside world. It doesn't mean it can't be done. Just needs to be cultivated, no? Because I know I can "think" and you (T's) know that you "feel".

As an aside, this is one of my huge pet peeves with MBTI - the tendency toward black&white-style thinking about what are simply preferences.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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I'd rather have a T women snuggle-fest like in Jeffsters similar thread instead of a discussion. :yes::D
 

alicia91

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Nov 20, 2007
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671
I think the basic error here is that people make an assumption that T's don't "feel". Same as F's don't "think". It's more about the external visibility of the process, of the functional strengths or preferences.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but of course I agree with you. I also use Intuition on a daily basis :shock:

It doesn't mean it can't be done. Just needs to be cultivated, no?

Exactly - some of us are just more successful than others in cultivating the external expression of our our opposite funtion.
 

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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Do you consider it an asset to be T or do you wish that you were a F?
Sometimes, only to better understand what the hell some individuals are saying to me. It really annoys me that many people make no sense whatsoever. Yet, I'm really better off as a T.

Are you conciously trying to develop your F skills?
Yes

If you are a parent, do you think you are less nurturing? What about romance?
Not a parent. Most likely never will be, due to my temperament and enjoyment of a low maintenance lifestyle. Romance... I'm terrible with physical or verbal affirmation. Nonetheless, I'm wicked clever at planning romantic activities that appeal to my partner. As long as she doesn't press me to tell her my feelings or talk about the obviously mushy displays, I'm golden. Silent understanding, is best.
 

Salomé

meh
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Men love to talk to me and think I'm sexy, especially because I also work in a technical field, but most are scared to take it any further relationship-wise. They don't get me. I don't really care, and I would never fake the funk and pretend to be something I'm not. Or pretend to feel something I don't.

I'm very happy being a T and I pity girls who cry at work over some imagined slight.
+1.
Like being a T, just wish others could be more like me. ;)
Definitely an asset in my field.

I have been accused of being 'cold' and that does bother me, because it's simply not true. On the inside I feel just as strongly as anyone else, though I might need a little more time to process my feelings and rationalize them.
Yep. Same here.

As an aside, this is one of my huge pet peeves with MBTI - the tendency toward black&white-style thinking about what are simply preferences.
I quite like that bit....but then I would, wouldn't I?

Would rather be thought of as a woman with an atypical 'T' brain, than a freaky female with a 'male' brain, so MBTI is positive for me.
 
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