Help me type my ex please

[Sona]

Oh thanks for this Sona, you are a J who also doesn't keep up religious practises, so ok maybe he is a J.



Lol you find only agreement here man.



My ex used to do this to me about our kids, he would become mortified if they made a scene in public, and he would blame my lack of control inspite of also being their parent,

I actually stopped going anywhere with him, even stopped trying to make him take me to the supermarket, just to avoid his paranoia about people looking.

I do it too, but not to the extent he does.

Lol, yeah I go to the real extreme. I think everyones just looking at me. I hate public embarrassment. Even if its not even that bad. For example when I pay for something and I have to take money out of my wallet I beat myself up about that I tell myself off that I should have calculated it and had the right amount of money out before I got to the till.

 

[ptgatsby]

Oh in that case then, he seems more P, as even though he was very forceful in ensuring I never neglected my religious acts, he himself never could be bothered most of the time to stick to prayers and stuff.

I would have said P had he not been so controling, so closed, so unable to admit when he was wrong except in pure desperation and even then it was more of a twisting in which he could still always come out in the right.

However in all of his acts, personal determination to finish projects, he was all P.

I find this unusual... however, I'm going to stick with ISTJ based upon what Sona said, as well as what I see as his internal workings. His expressed behaviour seems pretty polarised, however, so if it wasn't MBTI, I'd probably say his sub-traits are somewhat extreme on both sides. That would account for the erratic behaviour and probably stems from a combination of intelligence, neuroticism, social upbringing and other disorders. Being unable to express your inner workings properly would explain him pretty well, where as I have a harder time explaining the P factor with someone so controlling and closed minded (together).

I think we'll probably never know for sure - I also think that it's unlikely he is healthy enough to really ever know even if you had the chance to test him.

He had certain routines that he followed religiously, such a such day for this, such and such day for that, but he was a very disorganised person, and never kept up with his side of religious duties.

All it is is that he is very judgemental and can not see any side to an arguement apart from his ownm, even when factually I am right.

I told him that such a thing as Australasia existed, he accused me of taking two words and fitting them together, he refused to even look at evidence if it didn;t fit with him being right.

Literally 2 weeks later he convinced himself that it was infact him who told me, and him who taught me that particular fact.

This seems too J to me... The behaviour is less of an indicator than the way he things, and he seems to think very SJ.

I feel better about it.

The more I read, the more. I understand your ex husband to be a dumb ISTJ.

I'm going to agree here. That's the vibe I get from him - less than average intellect with high reactiveness, combined with the normal IST traits, with J thinking patterns and P behaviour (both of which could be conditioned, and thus erratic). The J/P thing is a mixed bag, but regardless, the IST part is really expressed.

 

[Sahara]

Lol, yeah I go to the real extreme. I think everyones just looking at me. I hate public embarrassment. Even if its not even that bad. For example when I pay for something and I have to take money out of my wallet I beat myself up about that I tell myself off that I should have calculated it and had the right amount of money out before I got to the till.

I don't know if that used to bug him, he was very private about the way his mind works and it's only from watching him reacting, and spending so much time with him, as he was quite needy for company, that I know the other stuff.

I find this unusual... however, I'm going to stick with ISTJ based upon what Sona said, as well as what I see as his internal workings. His expressed behaviour seems pretty polarised, however, so if it wasn't MBTI, I'd probably say his sub-traits are somewhat extreme on both sides. That would account for the erratic behaviour and probably stems from a combination of intelligence, neuroticism, social upbringing and other disorders. Being unable to express your inner workings properly would explain him pretty well, where as I have a harder time explaining the P factor with someone so controlling and closed minded (together).

I think we'll probably never know for sure - I also think that it's unlikely he is healthy enough to really ever know even if you had the chance to test him.

This seems too J to me... The behaviour is less of an indicator than the way he things, and he seems to think very SJ.




I'm going to agree here. That's the vibe I get from him - less than average intellect with high reactiveness, combined with the normal IST traits, with J thinking patterns and P behaviour (both of which could be conditioned, and thus erratic). The J/P thing is a mixed bag, but regardless, the IST part is really expressed.

I am happy with that too, it was my intial idea anyway, which to me means I may not do it the right way, but I am getting better at typing people.

I could go into a long speech now about how I will avoid all IST types in the future....but then I wouldn;t be able to explain you and how great you seem to be.

It's ok, if anything this was purely an exercise for my own mind, some closure which I actually feel I have achieved on this. The signs I will look for will be less mbti based, and more who they are as a person. I am more cautious now, so I believe that I will be able to tell long before I ever get hurt the same way again.

 

[Sona]

Yes, he loved war too, he dreamed of being a martyr yet didn't have the drive to do it.

Lol, I don't dream about being a martyr. I dream about being the best and kill as many enemies I'd give them a real headache trying to kill me. What I do dream about also this, its kinda pathetic too. I dream about being born in the middle ages having a tough army, and waging a war with another empire ruled by a woman. Capturing her cites and her troops and then brutally slaughtering them in front of her and putting their blood on my face or something. And then taking her as my wife. That would be so awesome, I would get the best story tellers and artists to write down and draw my legacy. Similar to the hamazanama

Yes that was the same as him, no mater how imprisioned I was he would accuse me of thinking about it, or of having done it when I never had as I believed in commitment.

Well, I've suspected my own sisters. So that goes to show.

I actually meant you were more intellectually intelligent, better with your speech, his was trapped with dyslexia and lack of formal education.

Lol, thats good to know. I do have dyslexic however mainly with numbers and symbols ironically. But you know even if you're dyslexic you can be very smart mentally. But being thick or stupid is out of ignorance.

Lol that was him too, no man could say hello to me on the street without it causing a fight, and of course a few slaps for me for being too tempting in my stance, height, etc etc.

Yeah, but I understand that. Why the hell would another man say hello to you. You're your husbands wife. Its different if you walk into a store and someone says hello to you. But if a dude walking down the street say "hello" to my wife that would piss me off.

A muslim man stopped me once whilst I was wearing my veil and asked me the direction to the mosque, I started pointing out which way to go, and my ex came around a corner. The seething rage beneath is semi polite directions to get rid of this man already had me stressing. within 10 mins of getting home he punished me for giving directions. He was very jealous, possessive and paranoid.

Yes I recall you telling me this once. This is just completely stupid and unjustifiable theres no excuse for it.

No, I already changed my ways of doing things even without understanding mbti, and it became so that I lost who I was and became a shell, a mask of different people trying to please him and do it his way. By the time I came out of that i was lost, I am still learning who I am, who it's OK to be, to not feel ashamed of my thoughts, or the way I express love.

Also I couldn't really think about what you are saying, I can't entertain the idea of him again, I know it's just a hypothetical, I just can't do hypothetical with him.

Thats cool. At the end of the day he had the chances. I'd never want my wife to walk out on me. And sometimes I feel I am learning so much from you. Because, I could be like your husband. And I'd never want to lose a good wife over my stupidity and jealousy.

 

[Sahara]

Lol, I don't dream about being a martyr. I dream about being the best and kill as many enemies I'd give them a real headache trying to kill me. What I do dream about also this, its kinda pathetic too. I dream about being born in the middle ages having a tough army, and waging a war with another empire ruled by a woman. Capturing her cites and her troops and then brutally slaughtering them in front of her and putting their blood on my face or something. And then taking her as my wife. That would be so awesome, I would get the best story tellers and artists to write down and draw my legacy. Similar to the hamazanama

Ok, well if I was to fantasise that, I would be the woman, and I would kill you on the wedding night, much like Kahina had to on hers

From link: Another legend claims that in her youth, she had supposedly freed her people from a tyrant by agreeing to marry him and then murdering him on their wedding night

Well, I've suspected my own sisters. So that goes to show.

That is so extreme.

Lol, thats good to know. I do have dyslexic however mainly with numbers and symbols ironically. But you know even if you're dyslexic you can be very smart mentally. But being thick or stupid is out of ignorance.

Ok, yes that's what I mean, I agree he was stupid, but I won;t deny that he had a certain amount of intelligence that his reading dyslexia hindered, he was however stupid and thick when it came to life, or things other than car engines and technology.

Yeah, but I understand that. Why the hell would another man say hello to you. You're your husbands wife. Its different if you walk into a store and someone says hello to you. But if a dude walking down the street say "hello" to my wife that would piss me off.

I just don't get that, I say hello, it doesn;t mean I am about to cheat, or that the man was hitting on me, what if it was an old friend which actually happened once.

A guy I knew who was 5 yrs younger than me, who I had lived with a childrens home, saw me with my ex, the poor guy came over to say hello, excited to see a familiar face in his new area, and for his troubles was strangled up against a wall with my ex screaming in his face that he should never say hello to me again and that that " my real name " girl he once knew was dead to the world.

Would you attack your missus for being to blame, would you say it was her fault men came over to her? I guess that's veiling time, which is what happened, but then even in a veil I had the muslim man direction problem, just too much.

Yes I recall you telling me this once. This is just completely stupid and unjustifiable theres no excuse for it.

Maybe, but well within his rights as a muslim husband to get angry about it.

Thats cool. At the end of the day he had the chances. I'd never want my wife to walk out on me. And sometimes I feel I am learning so much from you. Because, I could be like your husband. And I'd never want to lose a good wife over my stupidity and jealousy.

You are going to get married real soon from what I remember, I hope you take these lessons and use them yourself, you can't just expect her to bend and conform to understanding you, you have to to it for her too.

However my honest opinion is that you are not ready for marriage yet, and because of this you may just find yourself suffering the same fate.

What type did you say she was, was it ESFP again?

 

[Sona]

Ok, well if I was to fantasise that, I would be the woman, and I would kill you on the wedding night, much like Kahina had to on hers

Lol I'd be expecting such things. But I'd also enjoy it knowing a woman might kill me.

I just don't get that, I say hello, it doesn;t mean I am about to cheat, or that the man was hitting on me, what if it was an old friend which actually happened once.

Thats not the point. What if he thinks you want to have sex with him?

Would you attack your missus for being to blame, would you say it was her fault men came over to her? I guess that's veiling time, which is what happened, but then even in a veil I had the muslim man direction problem, just too much.

Yes, because she most have spoke to that man before. Its inappropriate for a woman to play with boys and even talk to them.

Maybe, but well within his rights as a muslim husband to get angry about it.

Not in his right to abuse you.

You are going to get married real soon from what I remember, I hope you take these lessons and use them yourself, you can't just expect her to bend and conform to understanding you, you have to to it for her too.

Well shes the one who says she loves me. What can i do I don't even know if I love her or not.

However my honest opinion is that you are not ready for marriage yet, and because of this you may just find yourself suffering the same fate.

What type did you say she was, was it ESFP again?

I know am not ready. I don't want kids, and I can have sex anyway.

Yep she is an ESFP she's taken it twice now. After the first time I thought she might have done it wrong.

 

[Sahara]

Lol I'd be expecting such things. But I'd also enjoy it knowing a woman might kill me.

You've watched too much goodfellas lol

Thats not the point. What if he thinks you want to have sex with him?

Lets go by islamic thinking shall we as I explain how misguided you are islamically.

Why must WOMEN cover up? think about the reason, it's because MEN want to screw everything that moves, it's because MEN have lustful thoughts, it's because a man can not control himself.........no where does it say the same is true of women, infact the lack of islamic covering for men shows that islam sees woman as NOT having lustful thoughts at the sight of a man.

So going by the islamic view of attraction, he shouldn't have even entertained the idea the I might want to sleep with another man, as according to allah a womans mind doesn't work like that.

But lets ignore Islam for a second, love and commitment are about trust, I tried many times to explain to him how important trust was to a successful relationship, yet trust wasn't in his vocabulary.

He told me that the only person he trusted was his mother and even that was pushing it.

It's nothing to be proud of, being that paranoid, it's not a part of you that you should allow yourself to be proud and stubborn on, infact it is a flaw that you must work on if you wish to be healthy.

Yes, because she most have spoke to that man before. Its inappropriate for a woman to play with boys and even talk to them.

Then what is the point of the hijab and the niqab? if I am hidden, what does it matter if a man says hello who I knew as a child, or if a man asks for directions?

Not in his right to abuse you.

Verse 4:34 would beg to differ.

Well shes the one who says she loves me. What can i do I don't even know if I love her or not.

Then be a man stand up and say, NO, instead of riding the wave at the crest, ready to smash into the rocks of culture enforcement.

I know am not ready. I don't want kids, and I can have sex anyway.

As above.

Yep she is an ESFP she's taken it twice now. After the first time I thought she might have done it wrong.

Somehow I just don't see that as a healthy match.

 

[Varelse]

Yes, because she most have spoke to that man before. Its inappropriate for a woman to play with boys and even talk to them.

Around here, it would be impolite if someone didn't say hello.

And your statement certainly isn't applicable to many cultures.

 

[Sona]

Would you like another man to touch your wifes hand? (At varelse)

 

[cafe]

Would you like another man to touch your wifes hand? (At varelse)

Not to speak for Varelse, but handshakes are totally normal between men and women here. If a guy was holding or caressing it or something it would be a problem, but a handshake, even the strictest churches tend not to have a problem with that.

 

[Sona]

Goodfells ain't seen it, but am going to rent it out now. lol after I come back form the mosque, got an isktima today at the mosque just with the boys.

 

[Sona]

Not to speak for Varelse, but handshakes are totally normal between men and women here. If a guy was holding or caressing it or something it would be a problem, but a handshake, even the strictest churches tend not to have a problem with that.

I personally wouldn't like it and its banned in Islam. Which is a good thing, its a form of protection for the woman saves her from slander and being labeled a whore. A woman must shun all men who are strangers to her.

 

[Varelse]

Would you like another man to touch your wifes hand? (At varelse)

Shaking hands, as Cafe said, is normal. And people wouldn't slander someone or label them a whore for such behavior around here.

A woman must shun all men who are strangers to her.

Why? That's certainly not something involved in my culture, so why should I believe it when you just say it without providing any evidence.

And wife? I'm not planning to have a wife. And I doubt Elwin would be jealous if I shook someone's hand. That's a normal, non-sexual behavior.

 

[ptgatsby]

Shaking hands, as Cafe said, is normal. And people wouldn't slander someone or label them a whore for such behavior around here.

Forget shaking hands. Hugs are pretty common, even if just between "lose" friends (ie: not personal friends, but friends of friends). And between "family" and closer friends, kissing the cheek(s) isn't even all that strange. Handshakes for strangers is a daily event here, male or female. And when I am introduced to someone, I shake their hand, as well as their partner. To not do so would be extremely rude. And this is across all cultures, including the one you belong to (though the religious side is not combined with your cultural background).

In any case, my GF would actually have to do something in order for me to have any form of trust issues. I'm comfortable with her flirting with people (though in true INTJ style, it's mostly to take advantage)... in front of me or not. The concept of a handshake?

 

[Varelse]

Forget shaking hands. Hugs are pretty common, even if just between "lose" friends (ie: not personal friends, but friends of friends).

Very true. One of my good friends and her boyfriend hug me on a regular basis.

 

[Geoff]

Very true. One of my good friends and her boyfriend hug me on a regular basis.

Have you considered a cattleprod? That can help

-Geoff