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Help me type my ex please

Sahara

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I wasnt typing him NFP, that was a generic example.

Also, I've seen you under stress be cold and rigid in the face of a difficult situation, so you can see what I mean if you think about it..

-Geoff

PS you do look a little as if you have english ancestry too I would say... despite what he might have thought....


Yes I can see what you mean, I know I do it too, I wouldn't be able to maintain that shadow self for 8yrs though, which is all I meant, let alone through his childhood too.

And you are still the only person to see the English in me lol :)


Be careful about generalised stereotypes. For example, ISFJs make up over 60-70% of the nursing population, an incredible outstripping of any other type. However, saying that all ISFJs are/should be nurses isn't accurate.

It's the same thing with ISTJs. Just because policemen (as an example, I don't know the numbers) are more likely to to be ISTJs doesn't mean that they have to be... to the degree that it would be unlikely than an ISTJ would be a policeman, although it is likely that a policeman is an ISTJ.

Also, neuroticism is a serious barrier to personal relationships, job stability and performance. Unless one is in a career that required quick and extreme reactions, the ST and neuroticism components would be very difficult to do well with.

The bum comment wasn't meant to be applied to all p's :blush: , just for him, but I could see how it came across as a generalised comment about all P's because of the context I used it in......ooops :blush: (disorganised, lazy etc, it is kind of true don't you think? the more P, the more disorganised?) (still learning)

But thanks for that, you laid it out in a way I am better able to understand, I love the way you put things, it's so easy to get. :)


The likelyhood of him being an N is already lower than 1/3, followed by some S tendencies (the concrete book examples, rather like my data drive).

I went with J because he has a really hard time integrating new information into his worldview - this is largely a J problem. The paranoid aspects are also J more than P.

Yes, this was what made me give him the J first off, it was only because I began thinking about his disorganisation, and the fact that I was the one who was forced to be more proactive during the marriage that made me become unsure again.
 

Sahara

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An NFP under THAT amount of stress -- to be driven so FAR into the extreme shadow functions for such a long time -- just could NOT handle it for as long as her ex seems to have. They literally would have a breakdown. I can't picture any NFP I have met being able to tolerate that for very long at all.


As a comparison, INTPs get pushed into SFJ land sometimes -- but they don't STAY there. They usually blow up, then get a grip or withdraw. (That says something as well, I guess... See how people retreat BACK to their preferred functions, even after they have indulged the shadow?)

The ex here seems to have the STJ as the foundation. The paranoia (Ne) is his inferior shadow (lots of paranoia!), and the shadow Fi is him focusing solely on his own values and refusing to regard anyone else's as important... it justifies him sticking with SiTe. Meanwhile, he clings to the Si + Te in order to keep his world stabilized.

At least, that is how I am seeing it.

Yes, I agree too, that was what I was seeing too, I haven't seen any NFP behaviour in him, I knew him for so long, lived with him, I knew his past, spoke to people who knew him better in his past, and still no NFP pattern is discernable to me.

But he may have been highly unhealthy and deep within his shadows. From all I've heard he was hardly a paragon of good mental health...

He could be unhealthy because he is trying to be something he is not too. He may be an NP trying desperately to be SJ to fit with his religion and teaching, and desperately unhappy and abusive as a result.
-Geoff

Now this I could agree with too, if it wasn't for the consistancy of the behaviour, he is 38 now, that is a long time struggling and acting a part, I agree with Jen that usually when we are forced to be something we are not it is only a matter of time before we explode/implode and withdraw.

However maybe that is where the violence came from, the explosion......still even at his nicest most relaxed happiest "I'm going to ignore religion today", we still lacked an NFP connection.

Well... is he?

He could also be a plant for the CIA, monitoring Sahara because she is the unknown heir to the fortune of one of the middle-east oil barons. But it's not likely.

But seriously, what would an NP (especially an NFP) trying so hard to be an SJ (especially an STJ) look like? Can we paint a probable picture of one and see how it compares? Do we have any notable examples of that in the public culture?

:D I wish.......well actually maybe not, no amount of money would be worth plunging back into that life again. :rolleyes:
 

ptgatsby

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ISTP
The bum comment wasn't meant to be applied to all p's :blush: , just for him, but I could see how it came across as a generalised comment about all P's because of the context I used it in......ooops :blush: (disorganised, lazy etc, it is kind of true don't you think? the more P, the more disorganised?) (still learning)

Oh, I don't mind that part... I meant the reverse - that Js are actually very good at being "bums". That is to say that while bums are likely to be Ps, it is not likely that Ps are bums.

I guess the underlying message was to type according to styles, not the generalisation. If he is a "bum" because he was religiously anti-materialistic, or if he was putting all his efforts towards one particular task which wasn't very helpful, or if he was donating all his money/efforts... That all happens a lot with Js.

Likewise, if the dominant trait was his emotional stability, the J would just be a small style difference. In cases of "abnormal" psychology, you'd have to reach outside of MBTI... it's even one of guidelines within MBTI. I'd guess this is an example of the outside factors mattering more than type.

But thanks for that, you laid it out in a way I am better able to understand, I love the way you put things, it's so easy to get. :)

Wow... :blush: That's the first time I have heard that :D

Yes, this was what made me give him the J first off, it was only because I began thinking about his disorganisation, and the fact that I was the one who was forced to be more proactive during the marriage that made me become unsure again.

Well, not to move away from MBTI, but trait dominance plays a huge role in this. Within MBTI, I think you would call it expressed traits, where he is clearly expressing the unhealthy versions of closed minded and disagreeable tendencies from S and T. The J traits are all internalised (authority, rejection of fact). And of course, if he was emotionally reactive, that particular trait drastically changes the way T is expressed (correlated with abuse and other significant relationship issues). The lack of empathy and the like makes him a T, but the joy in suffering and such is likely to be neurotic with T.

I'm building a framework around moderate correlations, so I don't pretend to really know... But if I had to rank probabilities, it would be ISTJ, ESTJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTJ, ENTJ... All with high neuroticism (that's one trait that if you disagree with, could change the way I type him.)
 

Geoff

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My gut instinct is ISTP, ISTJ.
 

reason

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I suggest you try to understand him and not his MBTI type.
 

Geoff

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I suggest you try to understand him and not his MBTI type.

Well I think she is trying to use MBTI to understand a man she didnt have a happy life with. Not a bad aim (even if ultimately the flaws in MBTI may hold that back)

-Geoff
 

Sahara

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Oh, I don't mind that part... I meant the reverse - that Js are actually very good at being "bums". That is to say that while bums are likely to be Ps, it is not likely that Ps are bums.

I guess the underlying message was to type according to styles, not the generalisation. If he is a "bum" because he was religiously anti-materialistic, or if he was putting all his efforts towards one particular task which wasn't very helpful, or if he was donating all his money/efforts... That all happens a lot with Js.

Likewise, if the dominant trait was his emotional stability, the J would just be a small style difference. In cases of "abnormal" psychology, you'd have to reach outside of MBTI... it's even one of guidelines within MBTI. I'd guess this is an example of the outside factors mattering more than type.

Yes, I need to let go of that notion that being a J automatically means you get things done.

One more thing on the whole J P divide, he never got anything he ever started done aside from his driving lessons, but that was because he had to if he wanted to drive legally. He laid the wooden floor and ran out of wood a few strips to the end, for a year those strips never got laid, or added, they just sat there, it was only to tempt me to stay that he eventually got round to laying the rest.

He felt that as a man he was best suited to controlling the finances, and yet I (who am hopeless with money) made better headway getting our finances back under control, infact since leaving him my finances have improved because he was such a drain, especially since he would take my money and dole out an allowance for the household needs that nowhere near covered the reality of living expenses.

In his head he was a J, in his actions he seems very P, but like you suggest it could simply be he was a lazy J.


Wow... :blush: That's the first time I have heard that :D

Aww :hug: , I'm serious, you blow the whole "S's are stupid" theory that abounds in these halls out of the water, as does nocturne.:)

Well, not to move away from MBTI, but trait dominance plays a huge role in this. Within MBTI, I think you would call it expressed traits, where he is clearly expressing the unhealthy versions of closed minded and disagreeable tendencies from S and T. The J traits are all internalised (authority, rejection of fact). And of course, if he was emotionally reactive, that particular trait drastically changes the way T is expressed (correlated with abuse and other significant relationship issues). The lack of empathy and the like makes him a T, but the joy in suffering and such is likely to be neurotic with T.

I'm building a framework around moderate correlations, so I don't pretend to really know... But if I had to rank probabilities, it would be ISTJ, ESTJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTJ, ENTJ... All with high neuroticism (that's one trait that if you disagree with, could change the way I type him.)


No disagreement from me, he is definately highly neurotic, and I think I agree with the ISTJ being the most likely one, although I would put ISTP as the next, I really can't see any extraversion from him, he shuns and loathes socialising, hates parties and crowds, isn't confident in his approach towards women (I was often told by his family that they were shocked he approached me in the street, infact he often commented on how unlike him it was but he felt driven to ensure he would see me again), I find E types a bit more forward in their approach, sexually there was no extraverted behaviour, it was a shy and fumbling slow process. Am I not understanding completely what being an E entails do you think? Like with my semi assumption that most, if not all J's got things done?


My gut instinct is ISTP, ISTJ.

Mine two, just in the other order. :)

I suggest you try to understand him and not his MBTI type.

I can't understand him as a person, I can't bring myself to even try to understand him as a person, to understand is to eventually forgive, and I never want to forgive him, ever, he is not worthy of my forgiveness.

It was understanding him that made me stay so long, that made me feel pity for him, to empathise with the pain of his childhood having experienced a bad one myself, all of these were emotional blackmail against me, his way of tugging my heart stay, I longed to believe the goodness that I once believed was inherent in all of mankind, at least somewhere, with him I learnt that was wrong. I found myself often standing there gobsmacked at the cruelty and complete lack of compassion this man had, yet I understood it's source and for that held back judgement.

The compassionate understanding me is someone I don't want to be anymore.

It's silly of me to want to know his type in order to avoid it, call this a trial and error part of me trying to get control back, just one of those harebrained schemes that I go through, and an actual part of my growing process but I doubt this will be a permament way of thinking.




Thank you heart, I found that really interesting, I am going to buy that book. :yes:

Had to laugh at it's description of the idealist masquerade.
 

ptgatsby

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Yes, I need to let go of that notion that being a J automatically means you get things done.

Well, in theory, it should mean he has a tendency for closure... "done", however, is relative to the importance of the thing that needs to be done.

For example, my GF doesn't put her clothes away... at all... yet is particular about other things, like dishes and such. Although she is an INTJ and they seem to have a bit more flexibility in how erratic they are ( :D ), the ISTJ will absolutely do what he thinks he "should", and will almost always finish it. I'd be more likely to type him ISTP if you say he didn't keep up religious acts, etc that were well defined in his life.

One more thing on the whole J P divide, he never got anything he ever started done aside from his driving lessons, but that was because he had to if he wanted to drive legally. He laid the wooden floor and ran out of wood a few strips to the end, for a year those strips never got laid, or added, they just sat there, it was only to tempt me to stay that he eventually got round to laying the rest.

That's suspicious, since a major part of being a J is the closure aspects. The flighty aspect seems very P... almost the very opposite from being a J. Perhaps there is a component of ADD with his neuroticism... or perhaps the inability to integrate new information was from extreme S components and has nothing to do with the J/P part.

He felt that as a man he was best suited to controlling the finances, and yet I (who am hopeless with money) made better headway getting our finances back under control, infact since leaving him my finances have improved because he was such a drain, especially since he would take my money and dole out an allowance for the household needs that nowhere near covered the reality of living expenses.

This lack of bending to reality seems rather extreme. I've only seen it a few times in my life, and it has come from both SJs and SPs. Everyone does it a little bit... But his closed minded part is rather extreme. I assumed it was an unhealthy SJ trait, but it's not impossible that it's just the closed part.

Still, the inability to go back on his previous "views" (ie: your nationality/genetics stuff) seems more SJ than SP.

In his head he was a J, in his actions he seems very P, but like you suggest it could simply be he was a lazy J.

Was there anything that he refused to deviate from? Something scheduled or something more general, like religion? So not just the talk, but the acts themselves.

No disagreement from me, he is definately highly neurotic, and I think I agree with the ISTJ being the most likely one, although I would put ISTP as the next, I really can't see any extraversion from him, he shuns and loathes socialising, hates parties and crowds, isn't confident in his approach towards women (I was often told by his family that they were shocked he approached me in the street, infact he often commented on how unlike him it was but he felt driven to ensure he would see me again), I find E types a bit more forward in their approach, sexually there was no extraverted behaviour, it was a shy and fumbling slow process. Am I not understanding completely what being an E entails do you think? Like with my semi assumption that most, if not all J's got things done?

No, that sounds pretty good. The only other thing to measure for was how many positive emotions did he show (at all, inside and outside the home). More positive emotions generally means E, while neutral emotions indicate I. (And negative emotions show neuroticism, neutral emotions indicate stability). Someone E and neurotic will tend to swing rapidly and widely (and longer, and deeper!), while someone I and neurotic will tend to be negative only, normally "sour" types of people, except more reactive.

The compassionate understanding me is someone I don't want to be anymore.

I think you do yourself a disservice. Who you are is wonderful and is the one thing you shouldn't allow him to change! I do, however, think you need to work through, like you are with the type and everything else, who he was and what he did... and to do that, any objective way will help you understand without risking your considerate side. Just to be clear that I agree with nocturne on this... don't lock in one perspective (you haven't, which is why I didn't say anything... this started with attachment styles... but other views will be helpful for you).

But if you do use it as a form of benchmark, there is one trait you need to avoid - neuroticism. You just plain need someone stable after all this, no matter what other factors are involved. I don't know how stable your support network is, but I think you have one here, online... But I'd suggest finding some people in your own life as well. Rounding out your life should be one of your main concerns, along with coping, dealing and moving on. That stability will be key in coping with future developments.

And of course, all of this in your own time... but don't let it be too much in your own time... we can be our own worst enemies after trauma.
 

Totenkindly

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I think you do yourself a disservice. Who you are is wonderful and is the one thing you shouldn't allow him to change!..
And of course, all of this in your own time... but don't let it be too much in your own time... we can be our own worst enemies after trauma.

Sahara, I have always envisioned you as a warrior -- not a cold merciless one, but one whose heart blazes with passion and conviction, outwardly fearless... or at least so convinced of her values that fear has no place in her life.

(But I think you already know this, deep down... based on your consistent selection of avatars. I think it is who you WANT to be... and who you know deep-down you really are.)

You don't want to let the fire burn out and sheath your heart in cold steel, which would be mostly you withdrawing from life and love (and THAT is the sterile legacy of your ex, the punishment HE would have for you, and his last merciless act of revenge); you want to stoke the fires of your soul even hotter, so that you are driven to go into the world and fight for life and love for everyone, along with yourself.

I see a great deal of strength in you. Blaze like a sun.

(I know this is a bit of a tangent from a discussion about your ex's type... but I didn't know where else to put it.)
 

Geoff

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This is rapidly turning into a counselling thread. I hope she has her couch!
(and I don't mean that with any malice)

-Geoff
 

Totenkindly

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This is rapidly turning into a counselling thread. I hope she has her couch!

Yes, if she doesn't listen, we can beat her with it!

(and I don't mean that with any malice)

Of course not -- what we do, we do out of love. (And that makes it so much better!) :devil:
 

runvardh

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I recognise some things you said about his childhood in my own. I used to do things like cut tails off mice, nail frogs to boards, rip a grasshopper's hind legs off and cast it upon an ant nest. I have concocted some less than savoury plans and practiced the art of overpowered classroom pea-shooter research. These things I did between age 5 and age 14 with a sense of joy every time; I have happly grown out of it since.
 

reason

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I can't understand him as a person, I can't bring myself to even try to understand him as a person, to understand is to eventually forgive, and I never want to forgive him, ever, he is not worthy of my forgiveness.
To understand is to be able to explain and predict, it need not entail forgiveness. Perhaps you need to unfuse 'understanding' from 'forgiveness,' otherwise your determination not to forgive will keep you ignorant, where ignorance may be very costly.

I suggest that you try to understand him, rather than his MBTI type, simply because it's the difference between a vague description and a detailed description. If you are going to put that knowledge to good use, then the detailed description will be more helpful.

There is also a great deal that MBTI misses, such as the societal context in which decision making takes place, and the specific rules used. I think it is probably fair to say that a great deal of your exhusband's problem is that he is muslim, and presumably lives among other muslims.

This context has far more to do with how your exhusband will behave than his MBTI type. I have little time for Islam (not to be confused with muslims), and your exhusband seems to represent the worse kind.
 

Sahara

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Well, in theory, it should mean he has a tendency for closure... "done", however, is relative to the importance of the thing that needs to be done.

For example, my GF doesn't put her clothes away... at all... yet is particular about other things, like dishes and such. Although she is an INTJ and they seem to have a bit more flexibility in how erratic they are ( :D ), the ISTJ will absolutely do what he thinks he "should", and will almost always finish it. I'd be more likely to type him ISTP if you say he didn't keep up religious acts, etc that were well defined in his life.


Oh in that case then, he seems more P, as even though he was very forceful in ensuring I never neglected my religious acts, he himself never could be bothered most of the time to stick to prayers and stuff.

I would have said P had he not been so controling, so closed, so unable to admit when he was wrong except in pure desperation and even then it was more of a twisting in which he could still always come out in the right.

However in all of his acts, personal determination to finish projects, he was all P.

That's suspicious, since a major part of being a J is the closure aspects. The flighty aspect seems very P... almost the very opposite from being a J. Perhaps there is a component of ADD with his neuroticism... or perhaps the inability to integrate new information was from extreme S components and has nothing to do with the J/P part.

Based on what you are saying here I would say he fits a P then, he doesn't get real closure for real projects without feeling forced. If we can say that a P would be so closed minded, then we could say he was a P, if we can't, I feel we are still thrown?


This lack of bending to reality seems rather extreme. I've only seen it a few times in my life, and it has come from both SJs and SPs. Everyone does it a little bit... But his closed minded part is rather extreme. I assumed it was an unhealthy SJ trait, but it's not impossible that it's just the closed part.

Still, the inability to go back on his previous "views" (ie: your nationality/genetics stuff) seems more SJ than SP.

Was there anything that he refused to deviate from? Something scheduled or something more general, like religion? So not just the talk, but the acts themselves.

He had certain routines that he followed religiously, such a such day for this, such and such day for that, but he was a very disorganised person, and never kept up with his side of religious duties.

All it is is that he is very judgemental and can not see any side to an arguement apart from his ownm, even when factually I am right.

I told him that such a thing as Australasia existed, he accused me of taking two words and fitting them together, he refused to even look at evidence if it didn;t fit with him being right.

Literally 2 weeks later he convinced himself that it was infact him who told me, and him who taught me that particular fact.


No, that sounds pretty good. The only other thing to measure for was how many positive emotions did he show (at all, inside and outside the home). More positive emotions generally means E, while neutral emotions indicate I. (And negative emotions show neuroticism, neutral emotions indicate stability). Someone E and neurotic will tend to swing rapidly and widely (and longer, and deeper!), while someone I and neurotic will tend to be negative only, normally "sour" types of people, except more reactive.

That is how I would describe him, a sour and miserable person, he rarely showed good moods, or major depressive states, it was a steady stream of one neutral mood that could shift to bad instantly.

His up was a persons normal day.

I think you do yourself a disservice. Who you are is wonderful and is the one thing you shouldn't allow him to change! I do, however, think you need to work through, like you are with the type and everything else, who he was and what he did... and to do that, any objective way will help you understand without risking your considerate side. Just to be clear that I agree with nocturne on this... don't lock in one perspective (you haven't, which is why I didn't say anything... this started with attachment styles... but other views will be helpful for you).

It's ok, I had a long conversation with someone last night, and although it didn;t touch on any of these things, it helped remind me that it's ok to be nice, to care for a friend, to be open and give a little trust. :) It reminded me that my protecting myself the way I have been, is actually at the cost of hurting people by disregarding their feelings, and that I can do both, ie protect and trust at the same time without behaving counter to who I am.

I feel better about it.

But if you do use it as a form of benchmark, there is one trait you need to avoid - neuroticism. You just plain need someone stable after all this, no matter what other factors are involved. I don't know how stable your support network is, but I think you have one here, online... But I'd suggest finding some people in your own life as well. Rounding out your life should be one of your main concerns, along with coping, dealing and moving on. That stability will be key in coping with future developments.

And of course, all of this in your own time... but don't let it be too much in your own time... we can be our own worst enemies after trauma.

Yes, and I need to be less of a "fall head over heels" in love kind of person too quickly, softly stepping and cautious navigating will help me to avoid the signs of a mad man before becoming to entrenched.

I am still aware of the same advice from my other thread, when september hits I intend to make more effort socialising again with other mothers as my first step. :)

Sahara, I have always envisioned you as a warrior -- not a cold merciless one, but one whose heart blazes with passion and conviction, outwardly fearless... or at least so convinced of her values that fear has no place in her life.

(But I think you already know this, deep down... based on your consistent selection of avatars. I think it is who you WANT to be... and who you know deep-down you really are.)

You don't want to let the fire burn out and sheath your heart in cold steel, which would be mostly you withdrawing from life and love (and THAT is the sterile legacy of your ex, the punishment HE would have for you, and his last merciless act of revenge); you want to stoke the fires of your soul even hotter, so that you are driven to go into the world and fight for life and love for everyone, along with yourself.

I see a great deal of strength in you. Blaze like a sun.

(I know this is a bit of a tangent from a discussion about your ex's type... but I didn't know where else to put it.)

:hug: Yes, that's my alter ego lol, I may come to believe it about myself one day, but that's not this day. It's such a huge knock off of that perch of self assurance when someone spends so long showing you how unwarrior like you realy are lol, I am still recovering from that huge ego dent. :)

This is rapidly turning into a counselling thread. I hope she has her couch!
(and I don't mean that with any malice)

-Geoff

Lol Geoff, all my threads end up this way, I see it as some sense being put back into me.

Do you think I should request to have my advice seeking threads put together in a blog, that I could use instead of cluttering up the forum? :)

Yes, if she doesn't listen, we can beat her with it!



Of course not -- what we do, we do out of love. (And that makes it so much better!) :devil:

:horor: When people profess to do something out of love, it is time to worry....:devil:

I recognise some things you said about his childhood in my own. I used to do things like cut tails off mice, nail frogs to boards, rip a grasshopper's hind legs off and cast it upon an ant nest. I have concocted some less than savoury plans and practiced the art of overpowered classroom pea-shooter research. These things I did between age 5 and age 14 with a sense of joy every time; I have happly grown out of it since.

Oh right well he used to torture cats and dogs for hours, but maybe that was a culture thing as he was born in a muslim country where they detest animals.

To understand is to be able to explain and predict, it need not entail forgiveness. Perhaps you need to unfuse 'understanding' from 'forgiveness,' otherwise your determination not to forgive will keep you ignorant, where ignorance may be very costly.

I suggest that you try to understand him, rather than his MBTI type, simply because it's the difference between a vague description and a detailed description. If you are going to put that knowledge to good use, then the detailed description will be more helpful.

There is also a great deal that MBTI misses, such as the societal context in which decision making takes place, and the specific rules used. I think it is probably fair to say that a great deal of your exhusband's problem is that he is muslim, and presumably lives among other muslims.

This context has far more to do with how your exhusband will behave than his MBTI type. I have little time for Islam (not to be confused with muslims), and your exhusband seems to represent the worse kind.


Yes, I see that now, that it is he as a person that I should look at, but he as a person is also indicative of his type no? :shock:

I still blame myself alot, by understanding his type, and understanding how that reacts to my type, it has helped me accept alot of things and not beat myself up about them.

I blamed myself for always daydreaming which drove him insane and caused him to hit me often to slap me back to reality, I blamed myself for loving fantasy over fact, for reading instead of being practical, for not being able to explain my emotions to him properly when he would interogate me on them, yet in reality it's just that his type didn't get what my type would feel, it didn't match how he saw it.

Do you see why knowing his type could help me stop blaming me?
 

Sona

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
511
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Very interesting topic. I hope I don't turn into a dumb ass lazy wife beater.

Anyway with respect to him being lazy I am also lazy. Well am not lazy in that sense that I can't do the work. Its just that I hate working in situations were I don't see am going to make a benefit apart from the money. I want a low risk career type of job with standard hours.

I also don't happen to have much empathy although if its a situation on which I can actively do something. I.e. someone is getting bullied and I can stop this I will stop it. But say for example if some country got nuked I wouldn't feel anything. I actually like war and most of my time I spend watching documentaries and the news. The history channel always.

In the situation about being wrong, can be very hard to admit I am wrong, even though it could take me a while to admit openly I'm wrong. Some how I will find away to make my claim sound reasonable. I don't mind some theoretical discussion (actually debates) for example on morality and politics and religious issues.

I'm also never late to my appointments I'm always waiting for my friends when they give a time to meet you or call you and then and hour later they will turn up. Sometimes, I've actually fucked them off for the day, and turned by phone off and done my own thing. I don't have many friends, I have trust issues I have two friends and I don't even really trust them. I also have a major problem I'm always thinking women are cheating. This is actually not my fault really though I've seen women cheat on their husbands, women you wouldn't expect. I know one Asian woman who is an escort and her husband has no clue about it, in fact this woman is actually related to me.

I'm quite, am always thinking I don't think its wrong to "discipline" your wife.

So, yeah I really do expect Sahara your ex to be an istj

Furthermore, I don't know about his intelligence to be he sounds pretty dumb actually. Because I can understand when I am being irrational and I try to correct myself.

Also I think he was confused with you, and I'd hate that, that would drive me crazy I wouldn't be able to sit down and talk it out with you my problems. Unless if the wife approached me first. The confusing part for him was I guess the love you showed. I'd be thinking does he really love me or is this an act. I'd probably end up classing it as an act. Also if I ever went out with my wife and thought some guy was looking at her, I rip the guys head off, and I have literally felt like that. When once I had to take my cousin sister to the dentist and the guys were checking her out. It was so pissing me off.

I really do think he was an ISTJ. I also have a question for you Sahara, now in hindsight he turns out to be an ISTJ would you treat him differently? for example say the impossible and you both reconciled and remarried knowing his an ISTJ would you do things differently? would you talk to him differently? express your love to him differently etc?

PS. Edit. I don't keep up religious acts either, however I would demand my wife be more religious. I don't expect her to pray for one week and then not pray for like two weeks. If she's going to do something she has to do it to the fullest.
 

Sona

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Messages
511
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ISTJ
The more I read, the more. I understand your ex husband to be a dumb ISTJ.
 

Sona

Permabanned
Joined
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Messages
511
MBTI Type
ISTJ
This is kinda freaky. With the whole moods thing. Am seldom happy. Majority of the time I am content. Sometimes, the internet just gives me a chance to have a laugh and be more open. In front of family I'd not be like this. In fact I went shopping with my sister the other day and she had taken her kids with her. And I was so bad with her kids, because they never sat still kept doing things touching things, and I'd keep saying to my sister control your kids. And she like they are only kids, and I'd say everyones looking at us. Tell them to stop it and just stand still.
 

Sahara

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
Very interesting topic. I hope I don't turn into a dumb ass lazy wife beater.

Anyway with respect to him being lazy I am also lazy. Well am not lazy in that sense that I can't do the work. Its just that I hate working in situations were I don't see am going to make a benefit apart from the money. I want a low risk career type of job with slandered hours.

I also don't happen to have much empathy although if its a situation on which I can actively do something. I.e. someone is getting bullied and I can stop this I will stop it. But say for example if some country got nuked I wouldn't feel anything. I actually like war and most of my time I spend watching documentaries and the news. The history channel always.

Yes, he loved war too, he dreamed of being a martyr yet didn't have the drive to do it.

In the situation about being wrong, can be very hard to admit I am wrong, even though it could take me a while to admit openly I'm wrong. Some how I will find away to make my claim sound reasonable. I don't mind some theoretical discussion (actually debates) for example on morality and politics and religious issues.

I'm also never late to my appointments I'm always waiting for my friends when they give a time to meet you or call you and then and hour later they will turn up. Sometimes, I've actually fucked them off for the day, and turned by phone off and done my own thing. I don't have many friends, I have trust issues I have two friends and I don't even really trust them. I also have a major problem I'm always thinking women are cheating. This is actually not my fault really though I've seen women cheat on their husbands, women you wouldn't expect. I know one Asian woman who is an escort and her husband has no clue about it, in fact this woman is actually related to me.

Yes that was the same as him, no mater how imprisioned I was he would accuse me of thinking about it, or of having done it when I never had as I believed in commitment.

I'm quite, am always thinking I don't think its wrong to "discipline" your wife.

So, yeah I really do expect Sahara your ex to be an istj

Furthermore, I don't know about his intelligence to be he sounds pretty dumb actually. Because I can understand when I am being irrational and I try to correct myself.

I actually meant you were more intellectually intelligent, better with your speech, his was trapped with dyslexia and lack of formal education.

Also I think he was confused with you, and I'd hate that, that would drive me crazy I wouldn't be able to sit down and talk it out with you my problems. Unless if the wife approached me first. The confusing part for him was I guess the love you showed. I'd be thinking does he really love me or is this an act. I'd probably end up classing it as an act. Also if I ever went out with my wife and thought some guy was looking at her, I rip the guys head off, and I have literally felt like that. When once I had to take my cousin sister to the dentist and the guys were checking her out. It was so pissing me off.

Lol that was him too, no man could say hello to me on the street without it causing a fight, and of course a few slaps for me for being too tempting in my stance, height, etc etc.

A muslim man stopped me once whilst I was wearing my veil and asked me the direction to the mosque, I started pointing out which way to go, and my ex came around a corner. The seething rage beneath is semi polite directions to get rid of this man already had me stressing. within 10 mins of getting home he punished me for giving directions. He was very jealous, possessive and paranoid.

I really do think he was an ISTJ. I also have a question for you Sahara, now in hindsight he turns out to be an ISTJ would you treat him differently? for example say the impossible and you both reconciled and remarried knowing his an ISTJ would you do things differently? would you talk to him differently? express your love to him differently etc?


No, I already changed my ways of doing things even without understanding mbti, and it became so that I lost who I was and became a shell, a mask of different people trying to please him and do it his way. By the time I came out of that i was lost, I am still learning who I am, who it's OK to be, to not feel ashamed of my thoughts, or the way I express love.

Also I couldn't really think about what you are saying, I can't entertain the idea of him again, I know it's just a hypothetical, I just can't do hypothetical with him.
 

Sahara

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
PS. Edit. I don't keep up religious acts either, however I would demand my wife be more religious. I don't expect her to pray for one week and then not pray for like two weeks. If she's going to do something she has to do it to the fullest.

Oh thanks for this Sona, you are a J who also doesn't keep up religious practises, so ok maybe he is a J.

The more I read, the more. I understand your ex husband to be a dumb ISTJ.

Lol you find only agreement here man. :D

This is kinda freaky. With the whole moods thing. Am seldom happy. Majority of the time I am content. Sometimes, the internet just gives me a chance to have a laugh and be more open. In front of family I'd not be like this. In fact I went shopping with my sister the other day and she had taken her kids with her. And I was so bad with her kids, because they never sat still kept doing things touching things, and I'd keep saying to my sister control your kids. And she like they are only kids, and I'd say everyones looking at us. Tell them to stop it and just stand still.

My ex used to do this to me about our kids, he would become mortified if they made a scene in public, and he would blame my lack of control inspite of also being their parent,

I actually stopped going anywhere with him, even stopped trying to make him take me to the supermarket, just to avoid his paranoia about people looking.

I do it too, but not to the extent he does.
 
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