Yes I can see what you mean, I know I do it too, I wouldn't be able to maintain that shadow self for 8yrs though, which is all I meant, let alone through his childhood too.
And you are still the only person to see the English in me lol
But thanks for that, you laid it out in a way I am better able to understand, I love the way you put things, it's so easy to get.
Yes, this was what made me give him the J first off, it was only because I began thinking about his disorganisation, and the fact that I was the one who was forced to be more proactive during the marriage that made me become unsure again.The likelyhood of him being an N is already lower than 1/3, followed by some S tendencies (the concrete book examples, rather like my data drive).
I went with J because he has a really hard time integrating new information into his worldview - this is largely a J problem. The paranoid aspects are also J more than P.