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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Default Why do opposites attract?

    I am curious if anyone else has ever found themselves oddly drawn (in a moth to a flame type way) to their complete MBTI opposite?

    I was semi involved with an ESTJ earlier on in the year, and for two people so different I found the attraction quite strong. (not that it went anywhere, the more I like you the more chance I will dump you before you can hurt me)

    He constantly went on about how much he loved my idealistic view of things, and how much he liked my caring side, and how he liked my warrior side that fights for too many causes lol.

    The other side of it, I also like his organisation, his alpha male-ism (which I detest so badly in others), his success, his control, I admired it all, and through these differences we were drawn to each other.

    So why do opposites attract in MBTI?
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  2. #2
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Well, some people are attracted to their opposite, but many aren't. This type of attraction is the sort of mistake people usually make very early in life, if they marry as teenagers or something. I'm guessing the appeal is just that they are so different, that they continually stimulate and interest one another. Does that make any sense?

  3. #3
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    So why do opposites attract in MBTI?
    Your story reminds me of the used copy I bought of this book. The previous owner has underlined all sentences about the cold and controlling logic of the ESTJ, the sensitivity and dreaminess of the INFP and the conflicts inherent in the type match. I can see how there might be superficial attraction, but for the long haul I don't think it's the way to go.

    I posted my own theory of attraction in MBTI here. (Scroll past the INTJ-ENFP quotes.) According to it, ENFJ is your best match. Have you tried dating one?

  4. #4
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I guess I'm looking for less control, more random talk, more depth, and less questioning motives. Pretty sure this is less type and more full personality.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Well, some people are attracted to their opposite, but many aren't. This type of attraction is the sort of mistake people usually make very early in life, if they marry as teenagers or something. I'm guessing the appeal is just that they are so different, that they continually stimulate and interest one another. Does that make any sense?
    Yes, makes sense athenian and I agree that it is a mistake attraction too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Your story reminds me of the used copy I bought of this book. The previous owner has underlined all sentences about the cold and controlling logic of the ESTJ, the sensitivity and dreaminess of the INFP and the conflicts inherent in the type match. I can see how there might be superficial attraction, but for the long haul I don't think it's the way to go.

    I posted my own theory of attraction in MBTI here. (Scroll past the INTJ-ENFP quotes.) According to it, ENFJ is your best match. Have you tried dating one?
    I agree it wouldn't have been a long haul thing, I remember asking for advice on INTPcentral around the time of the ESTJ attraction, and someone posted a really good reply about how it would eventually turn out, I showed him the post and we found it amusing and were both smart enough to see it would be true in the long run.

    I have heard that the ENFJ is my best match but I haven't met one yet, I would definately be very open to giving that match a go.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  6. #6
    Member Mercurial's Avatar
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    Much, much more room for character exploration in an opposite. After that you either learn to effectively collaborate or end up repelling each other.

    It's fun while it lasts.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naem View Post
    Much, much more room for character exploration in an opposite. .
    Ah see now that makes sense on why the attraction existed in the first place.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  8. #8
    only bites when provoked
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    I find them curious, but not "attractive". I find others curious and attractive, however, and some not quite as curious but even more attractive.

    Those that are foreign, but in ways that I wish I could be, are the most curious. I enjoy watching the fascinating operation of rigidly-consistent people, for instance. I know they would drive me nuts over time, but they're interesting to watch and it's neat to join their world for a short time.

    I sometimes realize that they are as interested in my unique nature as I sometimes am in theirs, even though most of the time I feel like the vast majority don't like our nonconformity.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  9. #9
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    I am curious if anyone else has ever found themselves oddly drawn (in a moth to a flame type way) to their complete MBTI opposite?
    I've only ever run into one ENFJ in real life and I can't stand him. Overbearing, demanding, and amazingly managing to be both incredibly offensive and oversensitive at the same time.

    But I'm well aware that a sample size of one is inadequate to say the least, especially since I don't mind the ENFJs online, for the most part.

    I have only ever been attracted to IXTX guys though, as far as I can tell.

    So that's a tenative no from me.
    Last edited by Randomnity; 08-05-2007 at 09:17 AM. Reason: clarification

  10. #10
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I think the furthest from my type I've gone was ENFJ, I think I had her questioning if I was gay a few times. Other than that my best relational success has been with either INTP or INFJ.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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