Why do opposites attract?

[Sahara]

I am curious if anyone else has ever found themselves oddly drawn (in a moth to a flame type way) to their complete MBTI opposite?

I was semi involved with an ESTJ earlier on in the year, and for two people so different I found the attraction quite strong. (not that it went anywhere, the more I like you the more chance I will dump you before you can hurt me)

He constantly went on about how much he loved my idealistic view of things, and how much he liked my caring side, and how he liked my warrior side that fights for too many causes lol.

The other side of it, I also like his organisation, his alpha male-ism (which I detest so badly in others), his success, his control, I admired it all, and through these differences we were drawn to each other.

So why do opposites attract in MBTI?

 

[Athenian200]

Well, some people are attracted to their opposite, but many aren't. This type of attraction is the sort of mistake people usually make very early in life, if they marry as teenagers or something. I'm guessing the appeal is just that they are so different, that they continually stimulate and interest one another. Does that make any sense?

 

[Economica]

So why do opposites attract in MBTI?

Your story reminds me of the used copy I bought of this book. The previous owner has underlined all sentences about the cold and controlling logic of the ESTJ, the sensitivity and dreaminess of the INFP and the conflicts inherent in the type match. I can see how there might be superficial attraction, but for the long haul I don't think it's the way to go.

I posted my own theory of attraction in MBTI here. (Scroll past the INTJ-ENFP quotes.) According to it, ENFJ is your best match. Have you tried dating one?

 

[runvardh]

I guess I'm looking for less control, more random talk, more depth, and less questioning motives. Pretty sure this is less type and more full personality.

 

[Sahara]

Well, some people are attracted to their opposite, but many aren't. This type of attraction is the sort of mistake people usually make very early in life, if they marry as teenagers or something. I'm guessing the appeal is just that they are so different, that they continually stimulate and interest one another. Does that make any sense?

Yes, makes sense athenian and I agree that it is a mistake attraction too.

Your story reminds me of the used copy I bought of this book. The previous owner has underlined all sentences about the cold and controlling logic of the ESTJ, the sensitivity and dreaminess of the INFP and the conflicts inherent in the type match. I can see how there might be superficial attraction, but for the long haul I don't think it's the way to go.

I posted my own theory of attraction in MBTI here. (Scroll past the INTJ-ENFP quotes.) According to it, ENFJ is your best match. Have you tried dating one?

I agree it wouldn't have been a long haul thing, I remember asking for advice on INTPcentral around the time of the ESTJ attraction, and someone posted a really good reply about how it would eventually turn out, I showed him the post and we found it amusing and were both smart enough to see it would be true in the long run.

I have heard that the ENFJ is my best match but I haven't met one yet, I would definately be very open to giving that match a go.

 

[Mercurial]

Much, much more room for character exploration in an opposite. After that you either learn to effectively collaborate or end up repelling each other.

It's fun while it lasts.

 

[Sahara]

Much, much more room for character exploration in an opposite. .

Ah see now that makes sense on why the attraction existed in the first place.

 

[Wolf]

I find them curious, but not "attractive". I find others curious and attractive, however, and some not quite as curious but even more attractive.

Those that are foreign, but in ways that I wish I could be, are the most curious. I enjoy watching the fascinating operation of rigidly-consistent people, for instance. I know they would drive me nuts over time, but they're interesting to watch and it's neat to join their world for a short time.

I sometimes realize that they are as interested in my unique nature as I sometimes am in theirs, even though most of the time I feel like the vast majority don't like our nonconformity.

 

[Randomnity]

I am curious if anyone else has ever found themselves oddly drawn (in a moth to a flame type way) to their complete MBTI opposite?

I've only ever run into one ENFJ in real life and I can't stand him. Overbearing, demanding, and amazingly managing to be both incredibly offensive and oversensitive at the same time.

But I'm well aware that a sample size of one is inadequate to say the least, especially since I don't mind the ENFJs online, for the most part.

I have only ever been attracted to IXTX guys though, as far as I can tell.

So that's a tenative no from me.

 

[runvardh]

I think the furthest from my type I've gone was ENFJ, I think I had her questioning if I was gay a few times. Other than that my best relational success has been with either INTP or INFJ.

 

[Zergling]

I'm not really sure what the types are of people who I've been attracted to, so it's hard to say.

I could see such an attraction, though. Someone who is the opposite type will likely have several strengths in areas that the person having the attraction is weak in, which would make them look like much stronger people than they are. (Though there aren't enough stories/information here to see if it really works that way.)

 

[The Ü™]

I honestly don't think I'd be interested in an ESFP, mainly because they're probably the least dependable type. In terms of functional opposites, I do enjoy conversing with my mom's ENTP boyfriend, but I don't especially trust him when I lend him my stuff. I doubt I'd want an SJ for companionship, either -- especially ESFJs and ESTJs. I don't think I'd be able to tolerate their nagging about "cleaning the house" and whatnot.

I have found, however, that ENTJ girls turn me on (at least on the Internet) -- I imagine them as the prototype femme fatale. Where ESTJs have a certain bickering persona about details around them, which I find to be a turn-off (especially in women), ENTJ women possess a powerful, often seductive, drive. ENFJs are actually not too bad, either. The ones I've come into contact with are very sociable, and yet retain that NF profoundness in their words, rather than trivial conversations. In typical NF style, ENFJs maintain a unique style of dress and deep eyes, which generally seems to be quite common in NFs. Unfortunately, all the ENFJs I've met were taken.

 

[heart]

I did the complete opposite thing in high school. Got that out of my system...lol.

I don't know what the guy's type was, but he was very sense orientated, action based, get things done, no introspection, thinker not feeler. The difference was very intoxicating at first and then just went toxic.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I am curious if anyone else has ever found themselves oddly drawn (in a moth to a flame type way) to their complete MBTI opposite?

I was semi involved with an ESTJ earlier on in the year, and for two people so different I found the attraction quite strong. (not that it went anywhere, the more I like you the more chance I will dump you before you can hurt me)

He constantly went on about how much he loved my idealistic view of things, and how much he liked my caring side, and how he liked my warrior side that fights for too many causes lol.

The other side of it, I also like his organisation, his alpha male-ism (which I detest so badly in others), his success, his control, I admired it all, and through these differences we were drawn to each other.

So why do opposites attract in MBTI?

Not only do opposites attract, but I've also found that more often than not likes attract. I think it has to do with basic human horniness.
ornstar:

 

[proteanmix]

I really don't see too much opposites attracting around the MBTI forums. What I see is people usually holding their typological opposite in contempt.

I feel neutral towards ISTPs, my sister is one and I've got an ISTP coworker that I get along well with. Those are the only ones I know personally so my knowledge is limited. I don't think I've been attracted to romantically attracted to an ISTP before.

 

[Sahara]

I really don't see too much opposites attracting around the MBTI forums. What I see is people usually holding their typological opposite in contempt.

Yes I have noticed that on MBTI, I think these type of forums create that kind of triblistic mentality that would allow that kind of group contempt to build.

I feel neutral towards ISTPs, my sister is one and I've got an ISTP coworker that I get along well with. Those are the only ones I know personally so my knowledge is limited. I don't think I've been attracted to romantically attracted to an ISTP before.

Hey I know your type now, I have been wondering for ages.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I've been married to an ISTP now for 7 years though we have known each other much longer. I married someone first when I was very young who was too much like me. I went in the complete opposite direction after that. We get along very well. One of his greatest attributes is that he lets me be independent and doesn't try to control me. We have little conflict, our values concerning family etc. are the same. I would say that anytime we have a problem it's usually my fault-though not always. I am trying to make him more N mostly is my biggest mistake. I sometimes want some F to come out too. When I realize that I am doing this it's easy for me to let go. My opposite supplies me with a grounded sense of reality that often escapes me. He also keeps me from getting too serious about anything. Believe it or not I can get "wound-up" upon occasion. He helps me to settle down and take a relaxed view. He has always got humor and wise-cracks to help him to do this:rolli:. He gives me compliments and tells me he loves me everyday. He doesn't do "mushy" well . When I ask him what he sees in me LOL it's generally pretty darn funny. I have gotten along with every ISTP I've been around except one. I am attracted to IXTX types. He's your cliche "strong silent" type. I try to appreciate him for what he is. He tries to do the same with me. I think if opposite types (or even similar) take these views in their relationships they would get along very well. I am convinced that any 2 combinations of type can work if they are well-developed.

 

[Sahara]

That sounds great Lookin4TheBestNU, I have read that occasionally opposites make great long term relationships because they balance each other out, but I guess that depends on like you said the individuals in question being well developed which you sound like you are

 

[heart]

I am convinced that any 2 combinations of type can work if they are well-developed.

I think that is true, but I also think different people want very different things in their marriages. Some people might enjoy the challange of opposites and some people might want the comfort of the more similar. It is all good no matter.

 

[Sahara]

I think that is true, but I also think different people want very different things in their marriages. Some people might enjoy the challange of opposites and some people might want the comfort of the more similar. It is all good no matter.

I just want someone lol that would be a start.