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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    I know a therapist who said something similar. She said going to parties was difficult becuase she wants to know everyone, their stories, dreams... I wish she were single, because she entangles me too
    Perhaps it's actually one reason why I get tired around people? I think there's something bigger in there that I want to draw out...

    I just wonder if I see potential where none exists. Or if there always actually is something there, if I'm accurate in that regard.
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  2. #12
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Perhaps it's actually one reason why I get tired around people? I think there's something bigger in there that I want to draw out...

    I just wonder if I see potential where none exists. Or if there always actually is something there, if I'm accurate in that regard.
    My intuition tells that everyone is redeemable. You don't know if you're accurate until you know.
    Perhaps you should become a therapist too.

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I echo @polikujm in that "I personally care a lot less about happiness than I do about meaning or potential" - or at least, that meaning and potential for me are native routes to happiness. I am happy when exploring possibilities and creating meaning.

    I don't really have the problem with entanglement... with the people I know well, I do see ways they could help themselves to be happier, but I'm not sure they're things that everyone doesn't see, too. For example, I think it's fairly clear that my dad needs to work on his anxiety levels; my mom needs to devote more time to herself; my manager needs to get over her narcissism.

    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo
    My intuition tells that everyone is redeemable. You don't know if you're accurate until you know.
    I believe that everyone is redeemable, period. The question is more how than if - as well as what "redeemable" entails.

  4. #14
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I've come to think that while everyone is redeemable, with some people you shouldn't get involved, because you cannot help them to that redemption.
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I believe that everyone is redeemable, period. The question is more how than if - as well as what "redeemable" entails.
    Yes. It also has to be something they themselves want, otherwise it doesn't matter how much support you provide, it isn't going to happen.

  6. #16
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    I look at the potential in other people, get jealous and then I jump on em and squash them flat like a plastic toy.

    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  7. #17
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I've come to think that while everyone is redeemable, with some people you shouldn't get involved, because you cannot help them to that redemption.
    Sometimes compassion is the spark to a fire, sometimes not. The spark is the same in both cases. But it takes a lot of energy to be a spark for others. I have done that with my family, and it was not easy to bear. I doubt I could be a therapist on that account.

  8. #18
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    Sometimes compassion is the spark to a fire, sometimes not. The spark is the same in both cases. But it takes a lot of energy to be a spark for others. I have done that with my family, and it was not easy to bear. I doubt I could be a therapist on that account.
    There are those who will suck your energy and refuse to do anything for themselves, while expecting others to fill their black holes of need. I'm no longer interested in any kind of involvement with those sorts of people. It's debilitating and a waste of time. I have a lot of compassion but I am gradually developing some harder/faster cut-off points for it.

    Sometimes it's hard to know when/where to draw the line, though. I would assume that even as a therapist, there comes a point when you kind of have to push the person to do it for themselves...
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  9. #19
    Senior Member Turtledove's Avatar
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    @SilkRoad Though there should be boundaries (and wisdom) when it comes to people and seeing potential in others, but I really think, Silky, that you have a big heart and wish I could do a little more like what you do.

  10. #20
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtledove View Post
    @SilkRoad Though there should be boundaries (and wisdom) when it comes to people and seeing potential in others, but I really think, Silky, that you have a big heart and wish I could do a little more like what you do.
    Thank you! That was such a nice comment to read today.

    I think so many things are about balance. Protecting yourself, but being open to other people. Caring about others but caring about yourself too...etc. That's why the words "balance"/"balanced" come up so often in my posts.
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