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Birth Order - Cliff Isaacson

FDG

pathwise dependent
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I think I fit the description of the non-transitioned Only.
 

Dansker

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Apr 23, 2007
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341
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INTP
I'm the eldest and an INTP. I relate to most of the first/only description at the link at the site.

My brother and I were both fairly solitary children, rarely choosing to play together.
 

ragashree

Reason vs Being
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I ran across this guy's stuff a year or so ago and found it fascinating. He asserts there are 5 birth order personalities:
Only
First
Second
Third
Fourth

The Only learns to play alone without feeling lonely, dislikes intrusion, and can be overly expressive via the positive feedback created by the tantrum.

Each first born starts as Only and if there is a perceived loss of love by all the transition when the Second arrives, the Only transitions to First and becomes the "good" kid or the performer to win back love.

The out-performing of the more developed First creates a coping mechanism in the Second to choose perfectionism in certain areas, critiquing others, and suppressing feelings.

The Third copes with the critical second born by being strong and becoming fearless. The Third who fails becomes fearful.

The Fourth responds to the rejection of the Third by trying hard.

The Fifth is ignored by the Fourth and has Only personality...and it starts all over.

Birth Order Plus - Intro to Birth Order

I've noticed that Third Born has a high correlation to ENFPs. I think Onlies are more often N. Recently reading an ENFJ thread, there seems to be some correspondence to First traits.

Thread Tally:
Only
1-INTJ, 1-INTP. 1-ENFP, 1-INFJ, 1-ENTP, 1-ISTP..(No apparent trend here)
First
Second
1-ENTJ
Third
3-ENFP
Fourth

I always enjoy applying these family theories to my own ginormous hillbillyish set of sibs... I'm sixth out of seven... my own siblings I would type as follows:

1: Sister: INTJ
2: Brother: ISTP
3: Brother (deceased): INTP
4: Brother: ENTP
5: Brother: INTJ
6: Myself: INFP
7: Sister: ISFJ

Hmm, except for the first and fifth siblings having somewhat "only"type personalities, (INTJs, ;)) this doesn't really seem to stand up.
 

LunaIndigo

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Aug 5, 2008
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4w5
I'm an only and an ENFP. I can identify with the feeling of being lonley through out childhood and had many imaginary 'siblings'.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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ENTP
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I'm the youngest of 5
 

mlittrell

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im the first born

my sister is second and she is a textbook ESTJ
 

Erudur

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Dec 17, 2008
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190
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INTJ
I always enjoy applying these family theories to my own ginormous hillbillyish set of sibs... I'm sixth out of seven... my own siblings I would type as follows:

1: Sister: INTJ
2: Brother: ISTP
3: Brother (deceased): INTP
4: Brother: ENTP
5: Brother: INTJ
6: Myself: INFP
7: Sister: ISFJ

Hmm, except for the first and fifth siblings having somewhat "only"type personalities, (INTJs, ;)) this doesn't really seem to stand up.

This guys stuff seems really useful, but there are many factors that add complication - did the Only transition to First or not, was there an age gap that reset the process, etc. Apparently there could be a house where siblings from another family in a regular baby-sitting scenario can influence the process.

Another thing this guy says is that birth order personality is more pronounced in the home and in stressful circumstances that bring out the coping mechanisms.

Do you identify with one of his lists as resonating with your own personality? Its probably better to work back from there. I also found that the Third personality stands out as most obvious. These are the extremely gregarious, often thrill seeker, fearless types. If you find one of those you know the previous one was a Second, and then a First.
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
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Apr 14, 2008
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6,704
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ENFJ
I don't know. I've always been a lot more focused on being 'good' at what I do than my brother. He doesn't have a competitive bone in his body. I'm always working on something. He's always playing with something.

It sounds familiar. Brother's an INFP, I'm an INTJ.

Then again I've heard that if the children are born more than 5 years apart, then you get another 'first' rather than anything else.
 

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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I'm first born. My brother, 5 years later. Regarding attention from parents, I spent most of my time alone, by choice, aside from when I was at school or eating meals at home. I enjoyed being abnormally solitary, both before and after my brother was born. We didn't experience the competing for affection dynamic.

In fact, I specifically attended a gifted early college program 6 hours away from home, to be more independent and distant from them. They wanted to connect with me, more than I ever did with them.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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sp/so
First born- ENTP

my second born sis is an ENFJ

she enjoys criticizing me because she has an odd habit of perceiving everything I do as an attempt to outdo her in things, despite the fact that I really don't care to compete with anyone. :doh:

I suppose that may fit in a way.
 

kelric

Feline Member
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Sep 8, 2007
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2,169
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INtP
Viewers, please leave a post with your MBTI and your natural birth order.

I'll throw a wrench (me) into the works :D. I'm a twin who has no other siblings. I read your brief descriptions, and there really aren't any that fit. Definitely not "Only" - at the risk of sounding simplistic, *maybe* a semi-mishmash of "First" and "Second"... but not really that either.

MBTI - me= IntP, sister=ESfJ. Neither of us is a really strong (stereotypical) example of our types, though.
 

Erudur

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I don't know. I've always been a lot more focused on being 'good' at what I do than my brother. He doesn't have a competitive bone in his body. I'm always working on something. He's always playing with something.

It sounds familiar. Brother's an INFP, I'm an INTJ.

Then again I've heard that if the children are born more than 5 years apart, then you get another 'first' rather than anything else.

The guy at the link would say you are both Onlys. I am the older INTJ and my brother is an INFP, but we are close in age. I wonder if this kind of forum is more represented by Onlys that other birth types. There are also slightly more Onlys than others, and probably not many Fourths in our culture.
 

Erudur

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I'll throw a wrench (me) into the works :D. I'm a twin who has no other siblings. I read your brief descriptions, and there really aren't any that fit. Definitely not "Only" - at the risk of sounding simplistic, *maybe* a semi-mishmash of "First" and "Second"... but not really that either.

MBTI - me= IntP, sister=ESfJ. Neither of us is a really strong (stereotypical) example of our types, though.

This guy would say you are both Onlys. Twins born later each take on one or the other of the next two types.

I have a friend who is a twin born with an older brother. He took on the Third personality (and is also an ENFP) and his twin took on Second. My dad is a twin that took on Second and his sister took on Third (and I think she is an ExFP).
 

kelric

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This guy would say you are both Onlys. Twins born later each take on one or the other of the next two types.

I have a friend who is a twin born with an older brother. He took on the Third personality (and is also an ENFP) and his twin took on Second. My dad is a twin that took on Second and his sister took on Third (and I think she is an ExFP).

I think the "birth order" model just doesn't fit my situation very well (granted, it's not that common). Looking at the link that you posted, the "Only" kids are characterized by:

Your Link said:
The only child has to solve the problems of how to play alone without feeling lonely and how to deal with intrusion. The child develops imaginary playmates to overcome loneliness

That's completely incorrect based on what my sister and I did as kids. We played together constantly, and I don't think either of us had imaginary friends, etc. The "First" and "Second" descriptions (granted, the web page you posted gives only brief descriptions) each have a little bit of fit, maybe (in my case, probably more as kid#2), but there really wasn't any "perceived loss of parent's love" or "kid 1 taking away attention" going on.

There might be some truth to the birth order concept, and I can certainly see certain kids taking on certain roles in the family, but I don't think it's really as cut and dried as the Birth Order Guy believes.
 

Anja

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The model that I'm most familiar with works well for dysfunctional families. That pretty much includes everybody, I guess. Not sure whose it is. Satir?

It's based on a family of six persons:

The Addict (Edit: In place you can read this as the person whose behavior controls the rest.)
The Enabler

And the four children:

Hero
Scapegoat
Lost Child
Mascot

This one works for me. The deal is that nothing is set in stone. Circumstances can cause the roles to shift. And, I believe the more dysfunctional the grouping, the more frequent the shifting/the more rigid the roles. Or both. People just won't hold still for lables, ya know.

This family is measured on a four-point grid from rigid to chaotic; from enmeshed to disengaged. Rigidly enmeshed/rigidly disengaged; chaotically enmeshed/chaotically disengaged.

The one certainty is that, as an art mobile, the family group will make an effort to keep a balance. Should one member leave or make personal changes the other members will make conscious or subconscious changes to balance the group once more as all roles are needed to maintain equilibrium. This can be a healthy shift or an unhealthy one.

This is an interesting model because it seems applicable to any grouping of four, say The Beatles and their connections. Whatever. It's fun to play with.

I'm busy right now but can elaborate further if anyone is interested.
 

Doppleganger

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I'm a second born (ISTP), and the only part of that description that fits me is the part about suppressing feelings.
 

Erudur

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I think the "birth order" model just doesn't fit my situation very well (granted, it's not that common). Looking at the link that you posted, the "Only" kids are characterized by:



That's completely incorrect based on what my sister and I did as kids. We played together constantly, and I don't think either of us had imaginary friends, etc. The "First" and "Second" descriptions (granted, the web page you posted gives only brief descriptions) each have a little bit of fit, maybe (in my case, probably more as kid#2), but there really wasn't any "perceived loss of parent's love" or "kid 1 taking away attention" going on.

There might be some truth to the birth order concept, and I can certainly see certain kids taking on certain roles in the family, but I don't think it's really as cut and dried as the Birth Order Guy believes.

I think you are right. Neither you or your sister had to learn to cope with being alone. You two might a 6th type.

I also think that Onlys who are not alone (i.e. Onlys that didn't transition or an Only that follows an Only or a Fourth) are not going to be as pronounced as true Onlys.

And yea, he does see things really explicitly in the Birth Order paradigm. But it seems that most researchers tend that way in their area of research.
 

Pancreas

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Farming Style (if a farmer)

... :huh:

Each birth order personality is distinct, not a blend.
Birth order does not change once it is established.

These just screwed it over. Well, the second one less so, but I don’t think you can ever just put someone into a box that is so clearly and absolutely defined.

Following the ‘rules’ that were laid out, I can’t really define myself or anyone else I know, at least off the top of my head.

Edit: I'm ISTP, only/first (about 65-70 and 30-35%) with a younger ISXP who fits the first and second descriptions.
 
Last edited:

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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I'm an ESTJ and I'm an only child.

I was actually kind of offended by the whole "imaginary friend" thing. Being an only child is not so miserable as to require THAT! (unless the parent-kid relationship is bad... that would suck!) I was never lonely. It was probably my MBTI type that helped me with that, actually - I'm excellent at finding things to do, and I have been since I was very little. (My parents don't remember me being bored EVER until maybe middle school!) I'm positive, though, that my lack of siblings is the reason why I score so low on E. I was so self-reliant that I often forgot the concept of "hanging out with friends". And I wasn't so sad about it, either! Not that I disliked being with friends - it was fun... well, hopefully other only children know what I'm talking about.

I do express my emotions very easily, but that certainly doesn't come from prior success with tantrums. My parents had no tolerance for that - I was not a spoiled kid.
 
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