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The elusive INFJ

sarah

soft and silky
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
548
MBTI Type
isfp
I don't even understand the appeal of a fabulous exciting life. I just wanted a nice husband, some healthy kids, a home of my own, and a comfortable life. Are INFJs supposed to want fabulous exciting lives? :huh:


Nah, maybe my own feelings are probabaly coloring my response. I'M the one who really wants a fabulous, exciting life. ;)

What I should have said is, I think that it's easy to mistype yourself and others, and a lot of people seem to just take a few type tests and accept the results verbatim without actually reading up on what it means (for example) to have the Idealist temperament or what it means to actually be dominant Introverted iNtuition. Reading about temperament and the cognitive processes seems to be a much more useful method of learning about type preferences. Toonia's original comment struck me as so noteworthy because I tend to wonder sometimes if most people who are into typing really believe that everyone in their world has a preference for iNtuition except for a few idiots who never think for themselves. I find that really sad, especially since I come from a family of extremely intelligent Sensors. I mean, I know there are incredibly dull people out there who really don't want to think about anything but what's in front of them -- I've met them too-- but that's not what all people who prefer Sensing are like. I just felt moved to respond to the orignial post by Toonia, because it spoke to me. :)

Sarah
ISFP
 

edcoaching

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
752
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
7
I tend to wonder sometimes if most people who are into typing really believe that everyone in their world has a preference for iNtuition except for a few idiots who never think for themselves. I find that really sad, especially since I come from a family of extremely intelligent Sensors. I mean, I know there are incredibly dull people out there who really don't want to think about anything but what's in front of them -- I've met them too-- but that's not what all people who prefer Sensing are like. I just felt moved to respond to the orignial post by Toonia, because it spoke to me. :)

Sarah
ISFP

Not to excuse it, but I do think a lot of the Intuitives that engage in bashing S's when they learn about type fall into this trap because most of their lives--in school, in many jobs--they've been beat up for having their head in the clouds. So they get with a bunch of Intuitives and reinforce the sudden feeling of arrival...
 

wedekit

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INFJ
I don't even understand the appeal of a fabulous exciting life. I just wanted a nice husband, some healthy kids, a home of my own, and a comfortable life. Are INFJs supposed to want fabulous exciting lives? :huh:

I think you just described a fabulous exciting life... at least to me. Life is only as exciting as you make it, methinks. Spending it with someone you love and all that opens up a lot of room for excitement.
 

sarah

soft and silky
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
548
MBTI Type
isfp
Not to excuse it, but I do think a lot of the Intuitives that engage in bashing S's when they learn about type fall into this trap because most of their lives--in school, in many jobs--they've been beat up for having their head in the clouds. So they get with a bunch of Intuitives and reinforce the sudden feeling of arrival...

I know, I know... and believe me, it hurts me to think about all the emotional abuse that's been heaped onto iNtuitives merely because their preferences aren't that of the majority, so I can totally understand the reason for the backlash. Anyone who has ever been discriminated against or insulted for who you are has my sympathy.

I do wish there were a more accurate way of referring to intolerant, ignorant bigots than referring to them as "Sensors," since some of us who prefer Sensing are really trying our very best to learn as much about the world as we can, which includes understanding and appreciating personality differences. :hug:

I started reading a lot about personality type in an attempt to have a better relationship with my INFJ mother. It's never been bad between us, but I'm 37 years old and my mother is 76, and a few years ago I felt I really wanted to be ble to appreciate her as a person rather than just have a mildly pleasant surface relationship. When Mom learned about personality type at a church retreat and told me about how learning that she had a preference for iNtuition "explained so much about her", I thought I'd give personality typing another try -- I was introduced to it in college but never thought much of it back then. As a result of having finally figured out both my own and my mother's best type fit, I really believe she and I have a much closer relationship today. We seem to trust each other better now. I certainly feel more confident about my own preferences, and I also feel more respectful of hers. Maybe she senses that. (or intuits that... ;) )

Sarah
ISFP
 

edcoaching

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
752
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
7
I do wish there were a more accurate way of referring to intolerant, ignorant bigots than referring to them as "Sensors," since some of us who prefer Sensing are really trying our very best to learn as much about the world as we can, which includes understanding and appreciating personality differences. :hug:

Intuitives can be intolerant, ignorant bigots as well. That's called immaturity and no type has cornered the market!!! There are plenty of fantastic Artisans and Guardians in the world. The whole theory, as Myers spun it out to be useful past the offices of psychiatrists, was focused on helping people make constructive use of differences.

I started reading a lot about personality type in an attempt to have a better relationship with my INFJ mother. It's never been bad between us, but I'm 37 years old and my mother is 76, and a few years ago I felt I really wanted to be ble to appreciate her as a person rather than just have a mildly pleasant surface relationship. When Mom learned about personality type at a church retreat and told me about how learning that she had a preference for iNtuition "explained so much about her", I thought I'd give personality typing another try -- I was introduced to it in college but never thought much of it back then. As a result of having finally figured out both my own and my mother's best type fit, I really believe she and I have a much closer relationship today. We seem to trust each other better now. I certainly feel more confident about my own preferences, and I also feel more respectful of hers. Maybe she senses that. (or intuits that... ;) )

THAT's what type is all about. :hug: Type-bashing, type bias, etc., is just as bad as racism, etc. And it happens everywhere because people in general don't understand these normal differences among normal people and therefore resort to labeling...
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
just go to the "INFJ or INFP " site
INFJs forget to show their vulnerability, INFPs don't hide it enough
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
I don't even understand the appeal of a fabulous exciting life. I just wanted a nice husband, some healthy kids, a home of my own, and a comfortable life. Are INFJs supposed to want fabulous exciting lives? :huh:

The INFJ in my life has led a very exciting life but paradoxically-- or rather expectedly, for an INFJ-- she needs a lot of "me" time, too.

Maybe it has something to do with being an Enneagram One INFJ vs an Enneagram Four INFJ. There does seem to be a remarkable amount of latitude in this regard with the INFJ type.
 

Delphyne

New member
Joined
Aug 6, 2008
Messages
144
MBTI Type
INFP
I have been discussing type for about 5 years now (on another discussion group in Yahoogroups), and I can tell you how annoying it is to have people write to me personally to tell me I can't possibly have ISFP preferences because (a) I'm articulate, or (b) "Sensors don't understand about type anyway", or (c) I'm not boring them to tears, or (d) I'm thoughtful --apparently it's believed that if you prefer sensing, you can't think--, or (e) I'm "sensitive" --because apparently people believe if you prefer sensing, you can't have strong, passionate feelings either. Is it any wonder that if this is the layman's definition of what it means to prefer Sensing, then they will only notice "Sensing" in those who are acting stupid, thoughtless and boring? And that they will "type" anyone else they run into as preferring iNtuition, whether or not they actually do have that as a preference?
At another forum I asked people how their functions manifest in their lives. An ESTP woman told me about her dominant Se function and my first impression was that it really sounded a lot like what I would call intuition. I realized that Jung´s definition of intuition is not the same as how the word intuition is used in common speech. There it seems to be used in a much broader sense and can include some things Se can provide. After all Se reacts immediately to perception through the senses. The people who know their way intuitively or intuit what an animal wants, because they react to impressions gained though their senses, are likely Se users.

What I should have said is, I think that it's easy to mistype yourself and others, and a lot of people seem to just take a few type tests and accept the results verbatim without actually reading up on what it means (for example) to have the Idealist temperament or what it means to actually be dominant Introverted iNtuition.
Besides the mistyping I don´t see what people get out of a personality system if they don´t spend a little bit of time learning what the system is all about.
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
THAT's what type is all about. :hug: Type-bashing, type bias, etc., is just as bad as racism, etc. And it happens everywhere because people in general don't understand these normal differences among normal people and therefore resort to labeling...

Well, it's not the same idea as racism. Racism is generalizing traits based on other unrelated traits. The whole point of MBTI is that people within a type have similar traits. If you don't like people with a certain set of traits that happen to correspond to MBTI types, it's more valid. (Though still pointless and despicable in my mind.)

Like, if I said "I don't like people that derive their value judgments from externally visible premises", I could say that I don't like FJs or TPs, and it would be true.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
The INFJ in my life has led a very exciting life but paradoxically-- or rather expectedly, for an INFJ-- she needs a lot of "me" time, too.

Maybe it has something to do with being an Enneagram One INFJ vs an Enneagram Four INFJ. There does seem to be a remarkable amount of latitude in this regard with the INFJ type.
True. I love to travel and will do so at nearly any opportunity, but that's not the lifestyle I chose for this season of my life. A husband and four kids doesn't allow the time, energy, or money for such things. Maybe someday. If ever I am able to travel, I know it will be nice to come back to my quiet home. As far as my daily life goes, I had enough of the bad excitement as a kid to not want it as a regular part of my life now. I'm very much enjoying the predictability and routine I've worked so hard to create. I seem to be an Enneagram Nine, FWIW.
 

Grayscale

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
1,965
MBTI Type
ISTP
they are elusive. :ninja:

let's hunt them in the jungle. with spears!
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
I agree with this.
I think that many people are just really bad at typing others too.
A lot of iNtuitive elitists here who have a difficult time thinking of the possibility that they may have been attracted to an S rather than an N.
 

sade

New member
Joined
Aug 23, 2008
Messages
761
I wish I had a stronger sensing side. It makes me humble when I see my mom and little brother at it.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
The INFJ in my life has led a very exciting life but paradoxically-- or rather expectedly, for an INFJ-- she needs a lot of "me" time, too.

Maybe it has something to do with being an Enneagram One INFJ vs an Enneagram Four INFJ. There does seem to be a remarkable amount of latitude in this regard with the INFJ type.

Agreed. I am an Enneagram 3 INFJ and I want a "fabulous" life. But I also want lots of time to curl up in bed with my hubby or spend hours surfing the internet, once in a while.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Enneagram 3 INFJ? Wow, never heard of that. Interesting.

Yeah, it is interesting. I think it ties into the perfectionist tendencies of INFJ. Supposedly, Nicole Kidman is an Enneagram 3 INFJ as well. But I doubt that is true.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
That drive to communicate what is so intangible i think is what has motivated me as a composer.

When someone else can enter the experience of the work you have created, that is a rare moment in which the isolation is warmed. Physical intimacy, for all its simplicity also eases this ache.

Possibly for the reasons mentioned above and other circumstances, i have mostly resigned myself to a sense of isolation. There is a continual background ache of separation and loss, a persistent nostalgia, a feeling of never enough. I think that is what draws me to the stars and the ocean. Vastness provides a sense of embrace. I realize I am engulfed in something greater than that which eludes my internal grasp.

peak experiences for me, when i feel most home and like i belong, are when my Ni and my Fe are both completely connecting with whatever is in my attention. Ni makes you perceive the unity of everything, ecological Big Picture vastness and the stirring complexity emerging out of the unity of the world and the place of each object (me!) within it, purposefully connected, evolving, while Fe makes me feel the beauty, the color, the musicality of the world and its dancing eyes.

this is why infj is called the mystic. its ecstatic, timeless, deep communion. we feel it happening inside of us, part of it is extraverted and part of it is connecting to the feeling tones and hues of what is outside of us, feeling them flow thru us.

Interesting. Someone mentioned that INFJ males often appear like INTPs.

yes. the more introverted, the more introverted process (the more Ni and the more Ti). seems very intp. j has to do with determining whether your first extraverted function is judging or perceiving. if you are really introverted, you use Ni and Ti so much your first extraverted function wouldn't really be that apparent. we need Fe to sketch and revise the order/organization of their internal environment. it is part of what makes us j. yet even if we do use it we still do look j on the outside bc of weak Se. until we have a purpose, until we are directing an internal vision, extraverting/expressing it, we ARE rather messy and procrastinating and floating along p.

Having known two INFJ males really well, I strongly disagree. The INFJ vibe is very different. Yes, they will procrastinate quite a bit for J people, and they are drawn to abstract, often T-dominated material. They are, however, much less emotionally detached and more sensitive in their deeper thoughts - closer to a "feminine" stereotype. They conceal it well.

By sensitive, I mean to other people's feelings, an Fe sensitivity. INTPs can sensitive in that they may be hurt by people close to them, but they are less likely to factor other people into decision making.

true. altho we can detach when we need to, we will become very introverted, we will shutdown, we will avoid, ignore, etc. underneath at times we are seething. but if we are at all open and extraverting (read: merging with the world), we will soak up all the feeling in the air. it gets into us and we have to care about it. we are very sensitive. Fe makes everything personal, it perceives the context between speakers very attentively.

Not all INFJ's are going to look the same and I think that is why people can tend to speculate and accuse so much.
Some may be only a little more F then T so they are going to be different then an INFJ who is extremely F. They may seem like an INTJ to a strong F just by comparison but they are in fact both still INFJ's. I know that I have a lot of E in me but I am more Introverted so I am going to look different from an INFJ who is more I then I am but we are both still I's but it looks and acts differently. We both still have/use Ni as the dominant function and Fe as the next one.

so true, some can be more reliant and exaggerated in their use of the dominant function. life experiences, cultural ethnicity, level of social support, breadth of experience (change), occupation, educational training, hobbies, relationship history, gender, etc.

i think the relationship between being a really really strong say introvert over extrovert is interesting. for me as a male, it meant that i developed Ni and Ti really really aggressively. at 23 i started working in restaurants, forced to be more extroverted, etc. i'm much more socially supported as well. so my Fe is waking up, the feelings i used to stifle and physically avoid are much more a part of my life. i notice my inferior Se more as a result and want to develop it. the more balance and the more functions i use, the less i feel that Ni brilliance and Ti fine-tooth comb. most work, most leisure, most everything does not really develop or do much in the way of cultivating infj skills. the ones who "feel" really infj are the ones who's lives are really consumed by a particular brand of self-development.

Agreed. I am an Enneagram 3 INFJ and I want a "fabulous" life. But I also want lots of time to curl up in bed with my hubby or spend hours surfing the internet, once in a while.

ahh, that explains why i've never gotten the infj "feel" from you. i'd like to know more. what is your function balance like? very Ni dominant? Fe really strong, etc? you inhabit constantly changing moods? do you relate to most infjs on the board?

i imagine for you to be an enneagram 3 your Se has to be extremely advanced for an infj? no glazed eye absent-minded professing. i've often associated enneagram 3 with istp and estp. feels very shadowy, as a result usually feel wary of the 3s i know.
 

MrME

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
383
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
If you don't think I'm INFJ, frankly, that's your own problem. :)
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
There are two things to remember:

a) These personality tests (MBTI, Socionics, Cognitive Functions) are models that are made by humans who are flawed, and are therefore also not perfect.

b) People are not just automatons who use four cognitive functions. Every human being uses lots of functions at different times in different environments for different reasons with different people....Everyone can put on hats...It's normal...

A well-rounded person might test a certain way when certain cognitive functions are well-developed and/or active. At one time in my life, even *I* tested as ISTJ (when I lived in a home with predominantly SJs), INTJ (when I was at college, which is dominated by NiTe), XNFJ (when I first became a teacher and arrived in Germany), and now I test ENFP (although a lot of people seem to think I may be XNFP or even EXFP)...Sooooo, point being if you are a well-rounded person, you can adapt to circumstances in your life.

c) Of course, there are some people who go on an ego-trip and want to be the 'cool type' that can 'see in the future' or whatever.

It really blows that the N descriptions are all like 'These individuals are typically bright and full of potential...open and gregarious...deal well with people..." and blah blah blah and the S descriptions are like "Need order and discipline...follow the letter of the law...closed-minded and like to tinker with inanimate objects..." Well shit, who would want to be that? And any half-intelligent person can tell after TWO questions what kind of questions will bring about what answer.

d) It's entirely possible that people answer the questions for who they would LIKE to be - i.e. their IDEAL - and not who they truly ARE. I did that on my first test - I answered the questions as I thought my psych teacher would LIKE me to answer them, not how I really BELIEVED...So I got ISTJ! HAH!

Ask any ISTJ in here - I doubt ANY of them would claim THAT result was correct hahaha.

e) If you take the test often enough or are highly perceptive you can see what answers will bring about what results and manipulate the result, which relates to c) and d).

So there you have it. Either:

a) the test is poorly constructed, giving an INFJ result
b) the person currently has the INFJ 'hat' on
c) the person thinks INFJs are cool shit and wish they were that

Those are my five cents. And personally, I think that goes with ANY type, whether it's INFJ or any other one...
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
^ *agrees* :yes:

The tests are flawed... everybody has biases. However if we take the aggregate results, we're likely to be more accurate.

What do I mean by aggregate?
Fill it out yourself, then ask people who know you to also do it. If personality type is based on how we "tend" to behave... then the averaged result ought to reflect central tendencies?
 
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