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  1. #51
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes I just have to digest and regroup in order to respond and I feel guilty about it which only keeps me feeling unable to respond longer. *sigh*
    Then if some one pushes, complete emotional lockdown.

  2. #52
    Aspie Idealist TaylorS's Avatar
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    I'd guess INFJs and ISFJs can be best distinguished by where there notions of "what should be" tend to come from. In INFJs the notions of what "should be" tend to come from raw imagination (Ni) while in ISFJs like my mom "what should be" comes from practical life experience and upbringing (Si).
    Autistic INFP


  3. #53
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes I just have to digest and regroup in order to respond and I feel guilty about it which only keeps me feeling unable to respond longer. *sigh*
    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Then if some one pushes, complete emotional lockdown.
    Yes,yes,yes, that's exactly what I do. I'll feel it eventually...when I know I can deal with it. Like cafe, I have to digest and regroup to be able to respond. Get my s**t together, as it were and like heart says, if somebody pushes, *backing away slowly* emotional shutdown.

    I've never understood why.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    ~~~~
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
    ~~~~
    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
    ~~~~
    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
    ~~~~

  4. #54
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Anyone out there curious to observe an honest to goodness INFJ character? If you want to see one in action and get a little more feel for how their emotional world operates read/watch Jane Eyre.

    Masters of understatement, blanks slates with deep currents, drawing out intimacy through quiet means, a clear sense of values, tenacity, inner strength.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  5. #55
    Member Andy K Octopus's Avatar
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    I think the rarity of INFJ's as opposed to other NF people is overstated. I am most probably an INFJ (although I have none of those fabled pyschic abilities that some sites talk about). I have tested as an INFP also, but I think I am just close to 50-50 (between the last letter) in some respects, but overall I am more of a J type than a P.

  6. #56
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TaylorS View Post
    I'd guess INFJs and ISFJs can be best distinguished by where there notions of "what should be" tend to come from. In INFJs the notions of what "should be" tend to come from raw imagination (Ni) while in ISFJs like my mom "what should be" comes from practical life experience and upbringing (Si).
    That sounds like a good way to say it. IxFJs do seem very similar in many ways and behaviors -- it's just where they get their "ideal" from that is the major difference... but it is a major difference!

    Quote Originally Posted by AllAboutSoul View Post
    Yes,yes,yes, that's exactly what I do. I'll feel it eventually...when I know I can deal with it. Like cafe, I have to digest and regroup to be able to respond. Get my s**t together, as it were and like heart says, if somebody pushes, *backing away slowly* emotional shutdown. I've never understood why.
    Thank you, all of you, for explaining this ...or at least alerting us to what is going on. It is so counter-intuitive for us to observe ("They closed themselves off to me -- that means they like and respect me???") I don't understand it at all either, but at least now it seems worth more exploration and trying to figure out why the pattern exists at all, and it really helps when trying to communicate.

    I always felt cowed and pushed away by many INFxs (J's in particular) because of the "coldness" factor and perhaps it didn't mean at all what I had thought.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #57
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    Thinking about the lack of response... I don't know exactly what triggers it. Maybe different things at different times. It seems to come more when I'm emotionally tired, when I feel exhausted inside. Everything does sort of shut down.

    I've learned how to express something so that people don't think I hate them, but at those times it's usually just a show. A bright smile put on from the outside, a sympathetic tone. It takes a lot of energy, and I feel very silly and fake, but I do it so they won't feel bad.

    If it's someone I love very much, and if they aren't pushing (because pushing does cause a complete shut down), I can sometimes find the current way down deep and bring it to the surface so I can express it. It's unbelievably difficult and exhausting, but if I don't do it I feel like I'm letting them down and not being fair or giving them what they need.

    Trying to think how to explain it...

    It's kind of like a strong underground stream. At certain times it breaks through the surface in a gushing spring, flowing over everything. At other times you have to bring in the big rig and drill a deep well to access it. If the rig isn't available, or if you don't have the energy to drill, you just have to let it be.

    Or...

    It's kind of like translating between languages. Things on the inside seem to be in a very different language. Maybe not even in a language at all... (that doesn't make sense, does it?) Anyway, the inside language -- the cinema inside your head where you do all your living -- is so completely different from the language of expression which most people read and understand. Sometimes things are clicking and your brain's in gear and you can translate freely. Other times you just can't find the "words" (i.e. any kind of outward expression) to make it available to others. It feels almost like you forget the language of outward expression. Continuing the metaphor... that's when I pull out the "stock phrases" of cheery smile and sympathetic tone.

    I dont' seem to be able to explain this very well; i think i'm rambling. i'd better get back to grading papers.

    BTW and FWIW, my closest girl friends have been ISFJs. We seem to get along so well. Shimpei's description was on the money when it comes to how ISFJs complement me and sort of interface between me and the "real world".

    p.s. It's not usually that I'm intentionally closing myself off; it's just that I can't seem to find the key to unlock the door. If someone else can do the drilling or unlock the door or translate for me (pick your metaphor), I love it. My INTP is pretty darn good at that, which never ceases to amaze me and sort of bowl me over with gratitude.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    It's kind of like translating between languages. Things on the inside seem to be in a very different language. Maybe not even in a language at all... (that doesn't make sense, does it?) Anyway, the inside language -- the cinema inside your head where you do all your living -- is so completely different from the language of expression which most people read and understand. Sometimes things are clicking and your brain's in gear and you can translate freely. Other times you just can't find the "words" (i.e. any kind of outward expression) to make it available to others. It feels almost like you forget the language of outward expression. Continuing the metaphor... that's when I pull out the "stock phrases" of cheery smile and sympathetic tone.
    I think you got close. That's how it feels for me anyway. And using your analogy, when I forget the language of outward expression, I find a way to externalise the language of inner expression...the only problem is no one understands what I'm saying. All they know is that I'm trying to say something. It makes me feel like I'm retarded when that happens.

    I don't use any "stock phrases", though. I just sort of sputter and sigh and do plenty of hand gestures as if I'm starting to explain something, but my brain just short-circuits and I have to use some lesser explanation that isn't what I really mean at all. It feels like the result is something you'd get from an online translator.

  9. #59
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    I don't use any "stock phrases", though. I just sort of sputter and sigh and do plenty of hand gestures as if I'm starting to explain something, but my brain just short-circuits and I have to use some lesser explanation that isn't what I really mean at all. It feels like the result is something you'd get from an online translator.
    I sometimes attempt to mirror the person i interact with. This helps to kick-start a little empathy and helps me focus. When there isn't much inside it tends to be accompanied by guilt which quickens the pace of the shut-down. With extreme shut-down i have to leave the company of others and find a spot in nature.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #60
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I sometimes attempt to mirror the person i interact with. This helps to kick-start a little empathy and helps me focus. When there isn't much inside it tends to be accompanied by guilt which quickens the pace of the shut-down. With extreme shut-down i have to leave the company of others and find a spot in nature.
    That sounds all too familiar. All the more reason to be able to move very silently and quickly and have a working knowledge of all quaint spots.



    Have any of you ever wished you had some touch of telepathy, so that you could send the raw thought material to someone directly?

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