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  1. #1
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    Default A question about Fe

    Lately i've begun to doubt my type (not that I was ever sure to begin with). One of the questions I have is about Fe.

    When I am around other people I very much care about how they are feeling, but when I leave that kinda just goes away. I mean, I don't ever lose any sleep over other people's problems. I hate to type that because it sounds incredibily selfish, but if it's a clue then...

    Can any other people with supposedly high Fe relate? Or is it a sign of inferior Fe?

    Edit: I also have trouble staying in touch with friends. I almost never call or initiate contact with them first, they always call me (which makes them think I don't care). This seems to contradict the extraverted feeling descriptions I see.

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    I'll let someone else explore this more deeply, but i will say that INFJ people are very very independent and, despite being users of Fe, they have tended to be among the most autonomous types and keeping to themselves in my practical experience.

    I've just known them to be very private people, and it used to hurt me at first because I felt like I was being rejected because they really seemed to pull back / keep to themselves while I tried to engage them more, as opposed to how much they seemed interested when I was with them; later, I just realized that was the way they generally operated and I shouldn't take it personally.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Kestrel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Numbers View Post
    When I am around other people I very much care about how they are feeling, but when I leave that kinda just goes away. I mean, I don't ever lose any sleep over other people's problems. I hate to type that because it sounds incredibily selfish, but if it's a clue then....
    In general, I don't lose sleep over other people's problems unless it's spilling over into my life directly. Seems like it contradicts our Fe, right? Well, I've found that in order to help anyone or "maintain harmony", I need to be in harmony myself. If I let anyone's problems cause me to lose my internal stability, I become an emotional wreck and can't get shit done. So I let my Fe work when it can, but I don't allow it to drag me into bottomless pits. (If that makes sense).

    Quote Originally Posted by Numbers View Post
    Edit: I also have trouble staying in touch with friends. I almost never call or initiate contact with them first, they always call me (which makes them think I don't care). This seems to contradict the extraverted feeling descriptions I see.
    I also have had trouble staying in touch with friends in the past. I think it was some unconscious fear of rejection or perhaps I was too wrapped up in my internal world and they just fell off the radar.

    I've since decided I didn't want to lose important connections and I will initiate contact when I feel it's important. Still, I can't seem to hold on to every connection I want to keep.

    I have an INFJ friend, and he won't EVER stay in contact unless prompted. I think he's oblivious most of the time, enraptured by some contacts while neglecting others. I think INFJs have a habit of putting all our eggs in one basket when it comes to friends and relationships. The realization that we're alienating some connections for the sake of others doesn't dawn until it's too late. At least that's been my experience.
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Numbers View Post
    When I am around other people I very much care about how they are feeling, but when I leave that kinda just goes away.

    I also have trouble staying in touch with friends. I almost never call or initiate contact with them first, they always call me.
    I'm exactly the same way - describes me perfectly.

    Edit: Though, I guess I am an Fi...

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Numbers View Post
    Lately i've begun to doubt my type (not that I was ever sure to begin with). One of the questions I have is about Fe.

    When I am around other people I very much care about how they are feeling, but when I leave that kinda just goes away. I mean, I don't ever lose any sleep over other people's problems. I hate to type that because it sounds incredibily selfish, but if it's a clue then...

    Can any other people with supposedly high Fe relate? Or is it a sign of inferior Fe?

    Edit: I also have trouble staying in touch with friends. I almost never call or initiate contact with them first, they always call me (which makes them think I don't care). This seems to contradict the extraverted feeling descriptions I see.
    I'm much the same way. I don't keep in contact regularly, not because I don't care, it's just:

    1) Nothing interesting is happening in my life and it seems pointless to share mundane regular daily things.
    2) I figure "no news is good news" when it comes to friends. If something were wrong, I'm sure I would find out about it. (This is not the safest assumption to make!)
    3) I keep thinking I should contact them, but ultimately forget when something else comes up.

    This doesn't mean that I don't think about them when I'm not with them. I do, and quite often, but the problem starts when I have a mental conversation with those people and then I forget that I didn't actually have that conversation with them. So there's a lot that ends up not being said, unfortunately.

    As for not losing sleep over other people's problems, I don't either. I may worry about their problem and it might make me feel a little blue for a while (because I can't solve their problem for them, this is something they must do themselves), but I won't lose sleep over it.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I do think too that your described things are no indicator for low Fe. I most of the time havent any friends at all, because I frequently scare them off .

    In my social year though, I had to work in a retirement center. I was surprised of how much I had it into me to show good mannerisms, adhering to societys traditions and keeping overall a gentleman attitude. (nothing to be proud of though, because there was no lady under the age of 85 )

    Those ability of "showing your environment, how you feel about it" I think of to be more of an indicator in the Fe direction.

    I think I really have to look into that Gentleman's attitude one day, but until this day I will keep up with the notorious drunkard attitude
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    In general, I don't lose sleep over other people's problems unless it's spilling over into my life directly. Seems like it contradicts our Fe, right? Well, I've found that in order to help anyone or "maintain harmony", I need to be in harmony myself. If I let anyone's problems cause me to lose my internal stability, I become an emotional wreck and can't get shit done. So I let my Fe work when it can, but I don't allow it to drag me into bottomless pits. (If that makes sense).
    Makes sense, but it's not a concious thing for me. I just don't really think about it once i'm out of the situation. Well, I mean I do, but i'm not worried sick about it like some people seem to be in similar situations. It may have something to do with my relatively underdeveloped Fe (At least compared to where it should be for a INFJ, my Ti is probably even with it). Maybe I should try and work on that.

    I also have had trouble staying in touch with friends in the past. I think it was some unconscious fear of rejection or perhaps I was too wrapped up in my internal world and they just fell off the radar.
    Yeah, that probably has a lot to do with it for me too. I always feel like calling and asking if they wanna hang out would be a imposition on them, so I don't bother. It's a good thing they mostly are pretty extroverted.
    Last edited by Numbers; 11-24-2008 at 06:53 PM. Reason: zombies

  8. #8
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Numbers View Post
    Lately i've begun to doubt my type (not that I was ever sure to begin with). One of the questions I have is about Fe.

    When I am around other people I very much care about how they are feeling, but when I leave that kinda just goes away. I mean, I don't ever lose any sleep over other people's problems. I hate to type that because it sounds incredibily selfish, but if it's a clue then...

    Can any other people with supposedly high Fe relate? Or is it a sign of inferior Fe?

    Edit: I also have trouble staying in touch with friends. I almost never call or initiate contact with them first, they always call me (which makes them think I don't care). This seems to contradict the extraverted feeling descriptions I see.
    You sound like an INFJ to me. My wife is an INFJ, and she is usually very friendly to the people she is around, but she might not have any interest in getting to know them better. There is generally a select few that she would prefer to invest all of her time and attention into, but she is nearly always nice and friendly to everyone she is around.
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  9. #9
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  10. #10
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    Cool

    Ok, well, I guess that doesn't sound like anything unusual. Thanks for the help everyone.

    I hate not feeling like i'm sure of my type. I guess that is the need for closure.

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