Q for the Is

[Alpha Prime]

Let's see if we can break down this shizzle.

As introverts (and particularly "INTJs" and "INTPs"), what makes you feel drained socially, and how do you experience it in real time?


EDIT:

Thank you all, for your interesting responses! Time to crank it up some!

1. Nearly all of you have suggested that it is human interaction that drains you, like an ice cube in a hot oven. I wonder, if you had to deal with something interactive (void of human contact) or rich in external sensory data, would that too make you feel drained? Example of such environments: a computer simulation/game, spending time in a zoo, or forest/jungle rich in animal activity (Come on now! I know what you crazy bastards are thinking! You be good and don't go yanking them animals. I'm sure someone's watching! ).

2. Awrite, check this shit out: I propose that INXX-people are more easily drained than ISXX-people, because the N-function is trying to get the big picture (therefore taking in more information/interactive data). Yay or nay? And whay?

3. I have an introvert friend who claims that in order to maintain his "energy" for longer periods he is completely focused on his mission, whatever that is. He "cuts off" people (and everything else, that is irrelevant to his mission). Again, lemme pick your brains on this one!

 

[Darjur]

Keeping the conversation up, that's why my best friend is an extreme E, the only thing I need to do is to correct him from time to time when goes out into white noise.

 

[rhinosaur]

It takes a lot of effort to stay "in the game" if I'm meeting a lot of new people. Remembering names is also a PITA. I do enjoy parties though, and meeting people.

I also used to have a little social anxiety which was a major factor a few years ago. Now it's not a problem, but I've learned that occasionally I need to just wander off alone for a couple minutes to allow my mind to "reset."

 

[dyspraxion]

Having to keep up with conversations; even just listening gets to be difficult after a few minutes, and then my mind starts to wander. Just being around people can be hard sometimes.

Jokes aimed at me or something I like are difficult to handle, even when they're harmless; it doesn't matter who it's from, either. I've been told I don't have a sense of humor many times, when it's really 'I don't share your sense of humor'. And some people refuse to catch on to this, even though I've told them.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Let's see if we can break down this shizzle.

As introverts (and particularly "INTJs" and "INTPs"), what makes you feel drained socially, and how do you experience it in real time?

Honestly, the thing that drains me most about social situations is committing the energy to put myself in the situations in the first place. I really am not concerned with other people and the types of communication and interaction that goes on in generally social situations are typically boring, shallow, and meaningless from my point of view. Unless someone comes out of nowhere with an intellectual conversation or if someone is vehemently defending a viewpoint that I think I could debate, I have zero interest in anyone else around me and will do the bare minimum to fit in to the situation, and generally I will become invisible, which is fine for me. I've found it very hard to do something that bores me, or I find to be a waste of time, so just committing myself to doing something I don't want to do is draining.

My typical night at a college party with some friends devolves very quickly into me just finding a nice corner, drinking and observing with disdain, and becoming more cynical as I see the terrible quality of interaction around me. If I can't stay on the beirut table, it's over for me. Same thing with family parties or work parties. I'll say hello when approached and go through the motions of idle conversation but I'll find a place where I won't be bothered and keep to myself.

Although I have to say, I'm not a bad wingman. I tend to see it as being a game, and I amuse myself in being able to decipher body language and verbal cues and see if I can garner success for my buddy.

EDIT:: Note that this is in situations where I'm not interacting solely with friends. With friends and family members I like I'm pretty gregarious and tend to emulate the personalities around me to fit in.

 

[dyspraxion]

^^ Revise my post to read like this one.

Honestly, the thing that drains me most about social situations is committing the energy to put myself in the situations in the first place. I really am not concerned with other people and the types of communication and interaction that goes on in generally social situations are typically boring, shallow, and meaningless from my point of view. Unless someone comes out of nowhere with an intellectual conversation or if someone is vehemently defending a viewpoint that I think I could debate, I have zero interest in anyone else around me and will do the bare minimum to fit in to the situation, and generally I will become invisible, which is fine for me. I've found it very hard to do something that bores me, or I find to be a waste of time, so just committing myself to doing something I don't want to do is draining.

Phrased much better than mine.

 

[nolla]

what makes you feel drained socially,

If I feel there is a need to restrain or cover myself. I'm pretty talkative if there's a friendly atmosphere, I can cope with that. But it is really draining if I can't let go and be what I am.

and how do you experience it in real time?

I start to feel my reactions turning into a facade, I become a problem for myself since I start watching myself.

 

[Silent Stars]

Being confronted with situations that I'm not prepared for and have little to no knowledge of really drains me. Most of the time, my mind just blanks out, instead of working to figure out some way of solving the problem, which leads me to rely on someone else to help me, or just try to b.s. my way out of it and hope they never see me again (the second one really only happens at work, since I don't know everything). It gets a lot worse if the person seems agitated or angry, and wants a solution right now, which makes me feel hurt and rather panicky.

I also get very drained any time when I'm around more than two or three people, or if I'm around anyone I'm not familiar with; I tend to feel like I just disappear, and even though I want to participate and be noticed, it's very hard for me to think of anything to say (especially when what they're talking about doesn't interest me, which is most things people talk about), plus their conversations just overwhelm me, and I always feel that if I speak up, I'll be interrupting them, and seem forceful rude and out of place, and I don't want to do that, so I end up worrying a lot about that because I don't want to be a third wheel and I don't want to be forgotten and left out. I think the worrying and loneliness and self-consciousness is what specifically drains me the most in situations like that.


I don't think I would even be typing any of this if I hadn't stayed up so late....

 

[Jack Flak]

How I'll describe my introversion, at this point in time:

I'm relatively self-contained, and real-world interaction interferes with the circuit of thought I'm most comfortable with. If alone, I have a thought, and bounce it around for a while, coming to some conclusion. If interacting with others, I have to deal with alien data which interrupts the circuit, and I'm compelled to entertain these thoughts as well. It becomes tiring, and after a while I feel a strong need to go off by myself to sort out extraneous data, and finish all trains of thought.

I theorize that extroverts' circuits are naturally incomplete, and thus they seek out interaction to enhance their own thoughts.

 

[Pancreas]

what makes you feel drained socially

Having to interact outside of my comfort zone. Basically, this is any interaction outside my friend circle. I can handle my family (mainly the people I’m closer to) to a certain degree as well.

how do you experience it in real time?

Spending time (hours, days) with close friends can actually energise me. Adding even one or two people who grate on me into the mix can counteract the good feeling 5-6 close friends creates. Having to deal with people in public, strangers, particularly in more formal or at least rigid social situations (where I have to censor myself somewhat) irritates me. I become short-tempered, grumpy, more blunt and insensitive, and occasionally somewhat aggressive. I retreat to places where I can be alone, or at least partially control any interactions, but I highly resent people intruding on me at this time. Often family members will want me to “spend time with the family” (stare mindlessly at the garbage on TV with them), and this annoys me more. Sometimes spending some time with friends (one or two rather than a whole bunch) can pull me from this mood.

 

[wolfy]

The expectations of others.

 

[Haphazard]

Being with other people (particularly more than one) for more than a few hours at a time is awful. I don't mean like at school or at work, but outside of it where people expect you to talk. Even if I bring things to do, especially if we're just sitting, I gradually get more impatient until I get to the point where I'm tapping my foot and I just want to tear my skin off.

I guess it's just that other people are too slow. It grates on me.

 

[Metamorphosis]

One of the things that drains me the most is pretending to be interested. Or, even if I am interested, feeling like I have to display that. I think this is a large part of the reason why I never really get drained around close friends.

 

[Lady_X]

How I'll describe my introversion, at this point in time:

I'm relatively self-contained, and real-world interaction interferes with the circuit of thought I'm most comfortable with. If alone, I have a thought, and bounce it around for a while, coming to some conclusion. If interacting with others, I have to deal with alien data which interrupts the circuit, and I'm compelled to entertain these thoughts as well. It becomes tiring, and after a while I feel a strong need to go off by myself to sort out extraneous data, and finish all trains of thought.

I theorize that extroverts' circuits are naturally incomplete, and thus they seek out interaction to enhance their own thoughts.

that's interesting.
do you ever enjoy brainstorming with others though or is it important to have a well established idea before you discuss it?

i will say your theory is somewhat true for me. it depends on the subject matter...some things i feel very strongly about and my opinions about them are pretty well defined...but when thinking about new concepts i do like to bounce around...look for similarities or contrast to help me define them clearly.

 

[Grayscale]

socializing is stressful with people who dont understand me. i can usually understand them, and maybe they enjoy it, but if we are on different levels it requires a lot of extra thinking on my part and that is tiring


this isnt related to understanding communication, but it's things like this that make socializing tiring:

person: what are you doing this weekend?
me: i dunno
several minutes later...
person: so any plans this weekend?
me: im not sure yet
person: are you going to do something with your friends? or maybe X activity?
me (trying to contain my annoyance): you know, im really not sure, i havent decided yet
later on in the day...
person: hey we're gonna do XYZ activity... want to come?
me: no thanks
person: oh are you doing something else? i thought you said you didn't have anything planned

at this point i am tired of this person on many levels... the fact that they aren't listening to me the that i sense they might have been manipulative. there are usually a lot of things about a person or a group of people im with that rub me the wrong way and it's almost a headache to try and think of how to deal with them all at once.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Let's see if we can break down this shizzle.

As introverts (and particularly "INTJs" and "INTPs"), what makes you feel drained socially, and how do you experience it in real time?

Small talk is nearly physically painful sometimes. If I'm in a good mood I can stand it in very (VERY) brief spurts and then I think of an escape plan. I deliberately avoid being in elevators with other people because they may expect me to talk... and if they don't, the silence is unnerving.

I can do OK if I'm in a 'party' kind of mind-set, especially if I'm drinking. After a few beers I will walk around and introduce myself to everyone (sometimes repeatedly depending on the number of drinks) and having all kinds of fun with random strangers.

The worst times are when I'm around people who I feel I need to 'behave' in front of. (IE Clients at work) Times where I cannot be my normal, looney self without censoring and worrying about what people will think will wear me out. I have a LOT of random thoughts and ridiculous moments during a day, and if I have to maintain that conformism mentality for even a few hours I feel like I need to run screaming down the street.

Sometimes, depending on the company, I go to the opposite extreme and feel the need to fill that void of silence and so I play the 'hostess', even where it is not called for. In this mode, I tend to laugh a lot, make small jokes and try to keep the conversation light-hearted and interesting... but after a while if no one else picks up the ball I tend to end up with my foot in my mouth, as if my brain just goes on strike and Weird Misty appears and says something really, really humiliating or inappropriate.

 

[MacGuffin]

Moved from Bonfire.

 

[redacted]

Let's see if we can break down this shizzle.

As introverts (and particularly "INTJs" and "INTPs"), what makes you feel drained socially, and how do you experience it in real time?

The world imposes on me.

 

[Thursday]

As introverts:what makes you feel drained socially, and how do you experience it in real time?

The incessant and fervant talking about nothing.
Putting other people's business in the street.
Alcohol/drug abuse<-----i loathe losnig control of myself
Being a ray of sunshine for more than i actually am
Asking people how they've been when i clearly don't care.
etc.

 

[bluebell]

socializing is stressful with people who dont understand me. i can usually understand them, and maybe they enjoy it, but if we are on different levels it requires a lot of extra thinking on my part and that is tiring

It's similar for me. I tend to think fast but only on my terms. If I'm pushed to speak about something that I haven't thought through, I find it really tiring to have to speak as I'm thinking.