Temper/Anger issues

[G-Virus]

I was disscussing this with a friend who claims bad tempers to be more of a feeler trait. He claims that Anger is an irrational function that coincides with the more emotive feelers.

Honestly this sounds offensive to me as I view anger issues as a sign of immaturitty. I remember being a teenager and how I used to have a matchstick temper with people. Although, his ideas do have merrit that anger is an irrational state of mind, as it usually only happens to me on bad days where I just can't think straight anymore.

What are your opinions on this? Personally I really don't have any solid ideas on the topic so I would most definitely enjoy your comments.

 

[wolfy]

I don't know how it relates to MBTI but I don't think anger is always irrational. I think there is a continuum from withdrawn passive anger to rash outbursts. So using Aristotles Golden Mean we have passive anger a kind of cowardice and outbursts of anger a kind of rashness.
So we have in the middle assertiveness which to me holds the tension of anger while looking for the principled solution.

 

[Amargith]

Dunno, I think feelers and thinkers have this equally. I know some Thinkers that are easily annoyed and frustrated, and then anger isn't usually far away if they have to keep dealing with the cause of it. I dunno about other feelers, but I know that I only get angry if any other explanation of why the situation/person is reasonable is invalid. I try to give the benefit of the doubt as much as possible, so I rarely really get pissed off. On the other hand, blatant disrespect gets my blood boiling so..

I *have* heard that women are more likely to sulk and be sad, while men, since they are not allowed to show such weakness by society, are more likely to get angry.

Just my two cents
Amargith

 

[G-Virus]

I don't know how it relates to MBTI but I don't think anger is always irrational. I think there is a continuum from withdrawn passive anger to rash outbursts. So using Aristotles Golden Mean we have passive anger a kind of cowardice and outbursts of anger a kind of rashness.
So we have in the middle assertiveness which to me holds the tension of anger while looking for the principled solution.

I try the assertive thing for a few seconds but someone usually manages to say something that takes me from something rationale to pure scary rage.

 

[wolfy]

I try the assertive thing for a few seconds but someone usually manages to say something that takes me from something rationale to pure scary rage.

Try and hold the tension steady don't try to push it back or out, just hold it steady.

Never underestimate The Power Of The Dark Side.

 

[Dali]

Try and hold the tension steady don't try to push it back or out, just hold it steady.

During such 'irrational moments', it's bloody difficult to find that balance... but boy is it satisfying when you do.

 

[G-Virus]

Try and hold the tension steady don't try to push it back or out, just hold it steady.

Never underestimate The Power Of The Dark Side.

This is really cool/interesting. I have never been able to tame the anger I just go into bursting blood vessel mode . . . go on, or if you don't want to hijack this thread you should definitely start another. I would love to learn some real anger management methods instead of the stupid little workshop crap they offer at universities.

 

[Kora]

I'd better say that he difference between Thinker anger and Feeler anger is the cause, not a shorter or longer temper.
Or the issue is between Perceiver and Judging types. I don't think is strictly related to type at all.

 

[wolfy]

This is really cool/interesting. I have never been able to tame the anger I just go into bursting blood vessel mode . . . go on, or if you don't want to hijack this thread you should definitely start another. I would love to learn some real anger management methods instead of the stupid little workshop crap they offer at universities.

I don't want to sound malicious here and I'm not so I hope this comes across OK.

I don't want to get angry at least not to show anger. If anyone is going to get angry I would like it to be the other guy while I remain calm and I wouldn't say composed but in control of the moment.

If someone is trying to piss you off the first thing to do is step back, step back inside your mind don't let the other person pull you forward.
Look at their objectives any leverage points you or the other person has. If they are just stating some opinion and have no leverage over you then it really means nothing and can be dismissed.

People are free to express their opinions and you are free to take or reject them. Never argue your position. Unless you want to for fun.

The best analogy is Judo or Aikido you are holding a constant tension while the other person up and down forward and back.
When you see some leverage point you can choose if you take it or not.

Is this what you were looking for?

 

[Haphazard]

Anger doesn't work.

Even perceived anger doesn't work.

I have to actively try to look passive to get people to do anything for me.


I remember it seeming to be that INTJs have a certain baseline of anger at all times. Sigh.

 

[G-Virus]

I don't want to sound malicious here and I'm not so I hope this comes across OK.

I don't want to get angry at least not to show anger. If anyone is going to get angry I would like it to be the other guy while I remain calm and I wouldn't say composed but in control of the moment.

If someone is trying to piss you off the first thing to do is step back, step back inside your mind don't let the other person pull you forward.
Look at their objectives any leverage points you or the other person has. If they are just stating some opinion and have no leverage over you then it really means nothing and can be dismissed.

People are free to express their opinions and you are free to take or reject them. Never argue your position. Unless you want to for fun.

The best analogy is Judo or Aikido you are holding a constant tension while the other person up and down forward and back.
When you see some leverage point you can choose if you take it or not.

Is this what you were looking for?

yup, good stuff.

 

[praedial]

I don't see how anger equals immaturity. I think that when one becomes angry, they're only being human.

Some people just have shorter fuses than others. I don't think it's a good thing, and patience does come with age, yes, but I wouldn't say that a feeler is more likely to get angry than a thinker.

I get annoyed really easily and sometimes that translates into anger (though usually just with my older brother who knows how to push my buttons). And SOMETIMES it's so much easier to have a little hissy fit to yourself rather than walking around being irritated all day and taking it out on others.

 

[ThatGirl]

I was recently accused of having anger issues, but I just yelled "fuck you bitch", stood up and slamed my chair on the ground, and walked out taking their stapler with me.




Ok so that didn't actually happen. Would have been cool though.


For the most part I am not easy to anger. I don't think there is a correlation between thinker feeler and anger, only in the way its processed. Anger is essentially a defense mechanism and so we are all set off by different standards but capable of the same reactions. It is in how we choose to experess it that sets us apart and what the triggers are.

 

[Sunshine]

Iono.

All I know is that it really takes a lot to get my angry.

 

[ThatGirl]

That's because your sunshine

 

[Nocapszy]

You have my permission to push your friend down a pyramid.
He's an idiot.

 

[GinKuusouka]

We each have felt anger at some point in our lives or another. If we're alive, we all have some sort of emotions, regardless of what our primary function is. And not all anger is irrational. It's like stating that all pain is a sign of weakness. Really, what pain does is awaken us to realization that there is something wrong with ourselves and that we need to take care of it before it becomes worse. It's self-preservation. Anger is the same. Except not necessarily in a physical sense. But the emotional and mental are no less important for a healthy life than the physical. When someone or something has scathed us on a level, then anger is there to let us know that some sort of wrong has been done. And the irrational is not in the actual feeling of anger, but in how we happen to express it. There is no controlling the emotion. But there is an amount of control in how we choose to express it.

 

[mlittrell]

the worst anger ive ever seen is in some of the NTs i know. i dont even know if i would call it anger anger as much as frustration. in reality any type can have temper/anger issues for any reason but they will differ in that reason from type to type.

 

[Venom]

Male ISFPs are ironically the most 'truly' angry people i meet.
i know, i know, they are SP and harmonious feelers.... but when they arent being easy going, i have found ISFP to just get ANGRY and irrational... like REALLY ANGRY.

i want to clarify that i am not saying ISFPs are on average angry people. Its more like, out of the 10 truly angry people i know, maybe 5 or 6 are ISFP. That is far less than the total number of ISFPs i know.

EXTJs have been said to have a sort of inner anger (inferior Fi) and can come off as a more abrasive than ISFP, but i have found that what comes off as angry for Extj is actaully just being efficient and abrasive. True anger, i have most often encountered with ISFPs

 

[Anja]

Quick scan so forgive if I miss the mark but two things caught my eye.

I think the deal isn't anger per se. It's what a person is capable of doing to deal with the anger in a non-harmful manner where the issue comes to a matter of emotional maturity. Anger issues is about a lack of insight and knowledge of anger management techniques probably combined with power and control issues.

Looking at it that way I guess nearly any type could have difficulty. But I do think that Tees have a more difficult time dealing with excessive uncomfortable emotion. Many of them withdraw in such situations, unless cornered. Maybe some of us don't even notice they're angry. And I've noticed here that a lot of people continuously reaffirm the statement that they are not upset sorta out-of-the-blue which leads me to wonder why it's necessary unless they, in fact, are.

My son is IXTP. I can't pinpoint it. And he was born angry! Screaming bloody murder. And for most of his young life he had a tough time keeping his anger under control. Now he has learned how to repress it and wonders why he has "no feelings" at all. Hope someday he figures it out.

And I really like wolfy's observation. Someone explained it to me like this:

Two people are on opposite sides of a swinging door, both pushing as hard as they can. One quietly steps aside. The other one falls on his face. It works.

Not everything is avoidance.