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  1. #1
    Junior Member Addict_Inquiry's Avatar
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    Default Does anyone else get embarassed during either Fi or Fe?

    I find that when telling someone they're beautiful, or in giving a "heart-felt" affirmation or the like, that I'm somehow embarassing myself. I don't know if I just feel like it's opening myself up to criticism or what. With a girl I have a crush on, I have a tendency to appear coy, with intermittent sarcasm. The girl usually knows I'm flirting with her and returns the gesture in kind, but this engenders more sarcasm and doesn't facilitate romance.

    While I feel this is probably normal for an ENTJ, I'm desperately trying to figure out how I can be more comfortable in my role as a feeler. It's not that I want to change, that would be both impossible and disingenuous. I want a mind mate, yet the problem I'm seeing is that these "mind mates" have the same problems I do with being tender. It's as if, by being sarcastic, we can say to someone "read between the lines," though no true sentiments are ever stated.

    I wish everyone was on board with MBTI so we could work with eachothers' strengths and weaknesses.

  2. #2
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I definitely have this problem. I am incapable of "gushing", as it were, even if that's how I felt. Even imagining saying something like "I love you" to one of my good friends (in a non-romantic way) makes me cringe with embarrassment.

    I don't know how it can be overcome, and I'm not really too worried about it at the moment. Sorry if you were looking for advice, but I'm afraid I can only offer a little empathy.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #3
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Honestly almost everyone feels embarrassed/awkward during "heart-felt" affirmations.

    Don't know how to give you advice, as discussing ideas doesn't really help with these problems.

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    *smiles* Try making a joke after you compliment them, to lighten the mood. If you can tell by her reaction that she liked your compliment, stop laughing and either tease her or show her a genuine smile of affection and an intense look. Then casually move on to the next topic for a while, before doing this again. Press repeat and make the intervals shorter. If she's into you, she should normally let you come closer physically, or even start teasing you back

    Do this enough times and you should create an atmosphere where your instincts can take over :P

    It's how I flirt with most men, and how I like to be flirted with.

    Just my two cents
    Amargith
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #5
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    I have the same Fe projection problem. It gets much easier after a few drinks, but I cannot be in that state perpetually. I have a difficult time expressing emotional bonds with people who are not close to me. Conversely, I can express them very well with people who are if I feel in tune with them. It is the casual stuff that I have problems with.

  6. #6
    Junior Member Addict_Inquiry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nighthawk View Post
    I have the same Fe projection problem. It gets much easier after a few drinks, but I cannot be in that state perpetually. I have a difficult time expressing emotional bonds with people who are not close to me. Conversely, I can express them very well with people who are if I feel in tune with them. It is the casual stuff that I have problems with.


    That's interesting. I feel that, after a couple drinks, I do tap into enough of a comfort level that I say and do what I mean a bit better, and more clearly. I think the truth of the matter is that the lowered inhibitions benefit our auxiliary and shadow functions, maybe even better articulating our dominant functions. When sober, it might be wise to act as if I've had a drink or two and just work through my feelings of discomfort. With practice I might even notice those feelings go away.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Addict_Inquiry View Post
    That's interesting. I feel that, after a couple drinks, I do tap into enough of a comfort level that I say and do what I mean a bit better, and more clearly. I think the truth of the matter is that the lowered inhibitions benefit our auxiliary and shadow functions, maybe even better articulating our dominant functions. When sober, it might be wise to act as if I've had a drink or two and just work through my feelings of discomfort. With practice I might even notice those feelings go away.
    I call alcohol my liquid extraversion. It helps me communicate better in a feeling manner. I've made some interesting connections with people after a few drinks, and am fairly certain that I make more of an impact in that state ... for better or worse. Without, I am very reserved and quiet. Most people don't even notice that I am around. Of course, that presents the dilemma of what to do when I cannot have a few ... like at work. I'm still working on that one, but having opened the door to let my Fe out on occasion when imbibing ... I do find it easier to do so now (by some small margin) when not.

  8. #8
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    I keep it short... If I have to gush over something, I'll probably throw up.

  9. #9
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    It takes humility to affirm someone, which is why it's awkward for most.

    To compliment another, momentarily puts the person on a higher pedestal than oneself. Like most, you're probably more familiar with opposite truth: by putting someone down, you're going to make yourself look better.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  10. #10
    Senior Member Llewellyn's Avatar
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    I often have a hard time giving compliments too although I want to.

    Lately I gave a seldom outpour to my parents and sister of why I felt tense, how I thought I wasn't expressing I liked what we were doing (we had been to a comedian). They made no problem of that fact but didn't react well to my Fe-outpour. I was double in it, I knew I 'ought not do it', but it felt right, and I wasn't embarrassed. Next time we saw eachother I was a lot more relaxed and my father noticed that positively.

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