Does anyone else get embarassed during either Fi or Fe?

[Addict_Inquiry]

I find that when telling someone they're beautiful, or in giving a "heart-felt" affirmation or the like, that I'm somehow embarassing myself. I don't know if I just feel like it's opening myself up to criticism or what. With a girl I have a crush on, I have a tendency to appear coy, with intermittent sarcasm. The girl usually knows I'm flirting with her and returns the gesture in kind, but this engenders more sarcasm and doesn't facilitate romance.

While I feel this is probably normal for an ENTJ, I'm desperately trying to figure out how I can be more comfortable in my role as a feeler. It's not that I want to change, that would be both impossible and disingenuous. I want a mind mate, yet the problem I'm seeing is that these "mind mates" have the same problems I do with being tender. It's as if, by being sarcastic, we can say to someone "read between the lines," though no true sentiments are ever stated.

I wish everyone was on board with MBTI so we could work with eachothers' strengths and weaknesses.

 

[Orangey]

I definitely have this problem. I am incapable of "gushing", as it were, even if that's how I felt. Even imagining saying something like "I love you" to one of my good friends (in a non-romantic way) makes me cringe with embarrassment.

I don't know how it can be overcome, and I'm not really too worried about it at the moment. Sorry if you were looking for advice, but I'm afraid I can only offer a little empathy.

 

[redacted]

Honestly almost everyone feels embarrassed/awkward during "heart-felt" affirmations.

Don't know how to give you advice, as discussing ideas doesn't really help with these problems.

 

[Amargith]

*smiles* Try making a joke after you compliment them, to lighten the mood. If you can tell by her reaction that she liked your compliment, stop laughing and either tease her or show her a genuine smile of affection and an intense look. Then casually move on to the next topic for a while, before doing this again. Press repeat and make the intervals shorter. If she's into you, she should normally let you come closer physically, or even start teasing you back

Do this enough times and you should create an atmosphere where your instincts can take over

It's how I flirt with most men, and how I like to be flirted with.

Just my two cents
Amargith

 

[Nighthawk]

I have the same Fe projection problem. It gets much easier after a few drinks, but I cannot be in that state perpetually. I have a difficult time expressing emotional bonds with people who are not close to me. Conversely, I can express them very well with people who are if I feel in tune with them. It is the casual stuff that I have problems with.

 

[Addict_Inquiry]

I have the same Fe projection problem. It gets much easier after a few drinks, but I cannot be in that state perpetually. I have a difficult time expressing emotional bonds with people who are not close to me. Conversely, I can express them very well with people who are if I feel in tune with them. It is the casual stuff that I have problems with.

That's interesting. I feel that, after a couple drinks, I do tap into enough of a comfort level that I say and do what I mean a bit better, and more clearly. I think the truth of the matter is that the lowered inhibitions benefit our auxiliary and shadow functions, maybe even better articulating our dominant functions. When sober, it might be wise to act as if I've had a drink or two and just work through my feelings of discomfort. With practice I might even notice those feelings go away.

 

[Nighthawk]

That's interesting. I feel that, after a couple drinks, I do tap into enough of a comfort level that I say and do what I mean a bit better, and more clearly. I think the truth of the matter is that the lowered inhibitions benefit our auxiliary and shadow functions, maybe even better articulating our dominant functions. When sober, it might be wise to act as if I've had a drink or two and just work through my feelings of discomfort. With practice I might even notice those feelings go away.

I call alcohol my liquid extraversion. It helps me communicate better in a feeling manner. I've made some interesting connections with people after a few drinks, and am fairly certain that I make more of an impact in that state ... for better or worse. Without, I am very reserved and quiet. Most people don't even notice that I am around. Of course, that presents the dilemma of what to do when I cannot have a few ... like at work. I'm still working on that one, but having opened the door to let my Fe out on occasion when imbibing ... I do find it easier to do so now (by some small margin) when not.

 

[nightning]

I keep it short... If I have to gush over something, I'll probably throw up.

 

[lane777]

It takes humility to affirm someone, which is why it's awkward for most.

To compliment another, momentarily puts the person on a higher pedestal than oneself. Like most, you're probably more familiar with opposite truth: by putting someone down, you're going to make yourself look better.

 

[Llewellyn]

I often have a hard time giving compliments too although I want to.

Lately I gave a seldom outpour to my parents and sister of why I felt tense, how I thought I wasn't expressing I liked what we were doing (we had been to a comedian). They made no problem of that fact but didn't react well to my Fe-outpour. I was double in it, I knew I 'ought not do it', but it felt right, and I wasn't embarrassed. Next time we saw eachother I was a lot more relaxed and my father noticed that positively.

 

[wolfy]

Fe Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he alive or be he dead
I’ll boil his bones to make my bread!

Sorry to go off on a tangent but I just had to say it! Everytime I read the thread title it came to my head.

 

[Jeffster]

During?

 

[wolfy]

During?

Yeah like; I want to fee-fee that cake to see if it is any good.

Being caught during the act can have dire consequences.

 

[Sunshine]

Honestly almost everyone feels embarrassed/awkward during "heart-felt" affirmations.

Don't know how to give you advice, as discussing ideas doesn't really help with these problems.

Yep. Or at least I do a lot of the time.

 

[Bufo]

It's better to try not to go beyond your true feelings. Anyway, if it's in tune with the situation, don't hesitate, but don't overwork.

 

[sarah]

Honestly almost everyone feels embarrassed/awkward during "heart-felt" affirmations.

Don't know how to give you advice, as discussing ideas doesn't really help with these problems.

Am I the only one who doesn't feel embarrassed by that? If I feel like saying something I really feel intensely, then I totally want to say it at the time. Including "I love you" to friends, and telling people who strike me as beautiful in some way that I think they're beautiful. I don't do it for their self-esteem at all -- I do it in order to verbalize what I love and care about (because it feels good).

What I don't like is being expected to say "appropriate" sentiments when I don't feel like saying them, or I don't feel like saying those particular things to those people.

Sarah

 

[Sniffles]

Yes I always blush like hell whenever I make an affectionate statement to women.

 

[GalPal]

Emotional intimacy is both the most valuable of all communication and the most fragile. There is no place for sarcasm in emotional intimacy. Truth, warmth, curiosity, attraction, sentimentality and desire for more is all good and a delicate process that involves trust. One doesn't plunge in, and one doesn't get anywhere real or lasting by hiding behind alcohol or any sort of mind altering substance. That is simply a formula for dishonesty and eventual disaster. Thanks to the media/movies/television and related hype, these days one would believe (fantasy) that this should all come instantly. Fat chance. Why that ruins everything. The steps towards emotional intimacy are baby steps that are not to be rushed or misinterpreted. It takes a while to figure out just who we are, and therefore, it takes even longer to figure out who someone else is... and what we bring out in each other. Remember the old saying about how a girl had to kiss a lot of frogs before finding her prince? Well it isn't all about physical chemistry. The chemistry of the mind and heart are the most delicious of them all and what we need to have before becoming intimately physically involved. What a mistake it is to get the cart (sex) before the horse. ENTJs are the ultimate seekers of the best relationships... the ones that last in strength and beauty. The writers of the Sex and the City t.v. show put their cast in the mind set of being with someone new every week, except that eventually they had to address the reality that it didn't work and made everyone more than crazy. Remember when Mr. Big questions Carrie's experience of ever being in love, and she tries sarcasm for covering up the fact that no, she hadn't been in real love, and then she asks him. Mr. Big says, oh yeah, he sure has...and then he drives off, leaving Carrie to figure out just what she has missed. Mr. Big is the ultimate ENTJ. So the moral of the story is... when the right one comes along... you begin to recognize her, and she you. Time begins to stand still and you only have eyes for her... your hearts begin beating as one... you want the same things, you value the same things, you find that you build together and don't pull apart.

 

[Amargith]

Am I the only one who doesn't feel embarrassed by that? If I feel like saying something I really feel intensely, then I totally want to say it at the time. Including "I love you" to friends, and telling people who strike me as beautiful in some way that I think they're beautiful. I don't do it for their self-esteem at all -- I do it in order to verbalize what I love and care about (because it feels good).

What I don't like is being expected to say "appropriate" sentiments when I don't feel like saying them, or I don't feel like saying those particular things to those people.

Sarah

No, you're not the only one emotional intimacy is something I find very pleasant, and I consider it beautiful, not embarassing

 

[Anja]

Anyone, man woman or child, who can gaze into my eyes and hold that in silence has immediately won my trust and affection.

I've found this sort of silent intimacy to be an accurate barometer of safety with others.

And, yes, once upon a time it made me feel very uncomfortable. now it fills my heart and spirit to overflowing and I welcome it.