User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 31

  1. #11
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    477

    Default

    That Words of Affirmation thing is what gets me on my nerves. I'd rather date a mute person than one which 'love language' is that. Why saying constantly something you know? Is better to show that you really care about the other person than go fullfilling your mouth with empty words...
    I guess I'm more of a Quality Time person, if I should choose one.
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  2. #12
    Fe, rusted. Poser's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    691

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
    Okay so much for that pattern.

    Um are there other things that make you feel much more loved than words?
    Actions. But not acts of service. I mean, I would just feel patronized if they were just words of affirmation. Maybe it is a combination of everything? A kind word (but not put on too thick), a touch, wanting to spend time with me.


  3. #13
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    type
    Posts
    9,100

    Default

    I don't know about this for myself. If I'm using someone else's tricks to fake something I don't really want to fake in the first place, I'd probably just rather be myself and screw it up like I usually do.

  4. #14
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    intp
    Posts
    3,198

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kora View Post
    That Words of Affirmation thing is what gets me on my nerves. I'd rather date a mute person than one which 'love language' is that. Why saying constantly something you know? Is better to show that you really care about the other person than go fullfilling your mouth with empty words...
    Amen.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  5. #15
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I think part of what Jennifer's saying (I might be wrong) is that it's not as simple as saying "this is what I value, so concentrate on that." I love words of affirmation, but not in a gooey way, like, "Gosh, you're so smart and special. Do you know how special you are?" More like, if I'm stressed out and feeling like I'm not up for a certain challenge, someone reminds me how I'm prepared for it, and I've done a good job in the past, etc. I kind of like pet names if it's done in a non-patronizing way. Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. We like to feel like we're unique, even when we're not.

    I like touch, but not all the time. I love it when someone helps me out without my having to ask. I love it when someone spends time with me doing something I like to do, when I know it's not their favorite thing in the world. I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.

  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BryNTP View Post
    OMG. My wife just made me read this book. Was it wrong of me to lie and say mine was "physical touch"?
    Oooooo..... you BRAT!!!!

    I'm gonna tell!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine View Post
    I'm sure that must have been annoying. I'm sorry to hear that.

    I hope you don't think I'm trying to force people into categories. I'm not. I'm just wondering because I see a pattern...none of the Ti dominants I know have or even like words of affirmation much.

    And I dunno about profound but I've found this stuff very useful.
    No, you're not, I know.
    And I'm being a spot cantankerous.

    But then again, the thread was directed at IxTPs, so I figured I might as well be honest. (If it had been a general type thread, I wouldn't have said much.)

    I just did not find it that useful at all.
    I know for some people, esp if they line up with a particular giving/receiving style, it CAN be helpful.

    And as PT says, the styles can still be "learned," and I think it does encourage positively the need to look at one's mate, see what THEY need as well as what THEY can give, and work with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think part of what Jennifer's saying (I might be wrong) is that it's not as simple as saying "this is what I value, so concentrate on that." I love words of affirmation, but not in a gooey way, like, "Gosh, you're so smart and special. Do you know how special you are?"
    I wasn't really saying anything like that, but I agree with you -- I really hate the way sometimes people try too hard to do something authentic and make it inauthentic in the process. Uggh.

    I can sense forced Words of Affirmation from two miles away, and I want to run and hide.


    Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. We like to feel like we're unique, even when we're not.
    I think with IxTP, you have to remember there's a bullsh*t meter running all the time. If you're not doing something spontaneously, it's going to be pretty obvious... and inauthenticity is a major sin with the type.

    The only way you get by with being inauthentic is if I sense you are actually trying to do it out of love, so I'll make an allowance for your intentions... but at the same time it doesn't make me FEEL good.

    I like touch, but not all the time. I love it when someone helps me out without my having to ask. I love it when someone spends time with me doing something I like to do, when I know it's not their favorite thing in the world. I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.
    Let me think about what matters to me... and maybe I have changed recently and fit a category better, I don't know. It's been some time since I read it, I just had a sour taste in my mouth from it in the past.

    I feel loved when people notice me and think I'm worth noticing.

    I feel loved when people do, say, or offer something that shows they understand (1) who I am and (2) what I really need and (3) care enough to engage.

    I feel loved when I don't ask for help or protection or encouragement and someone notices I need it (because they are empathizing with me) and they go out of their way to step in without me even hinting I'd like it and just take the load off my back. (wow.)

    I feel loved when I get letters out of the blue, where someone shares about their thoughts or meaningful experiences in their lives.

    Where does that fit?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ABCD
    Enneagram
    4 sx/so
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    1,040

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think part of what Jennifer's saying (I might be wrong) is that it's not as simple as saying "this is what I value, so concentrate on that." I love words of affirmation, but not in a gooey way, like, "Gosh, you're so smart and special. Do you know how special you are?" More like, if I'm stressed out and feeling like I'm not up for a certain challenge, someone reminds me how I'm prepared for it, and I've done a good job in the past, etc. I kind of like pet names if it's done in a non-patronizing way. Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. We like to feel like we're unique, even when we're not.

    I like touch, but not all the time. I love it when someone helps me out without my having to ask. I love it when someone spends time with me doing something I like to do, when I know it's not their favorite thing in the world. I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.
    I think you brought up some really good points. Thanks.

  8. #18
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,489

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. ...

    I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.
    I agree.

    I don't really have a clear-cut favourite, I think they're all nice, but words of affirmation is fairly unimportant, if I had to rank them.

  9. #19
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I agree.

    I don't really have a clear-cut favourite, I think they're all nice, but words of affirmation is fairly unimportant, if I had to rank them.
    Do they come with an accent of our choosing?
    Hmmm.... maybe if they were spoken in french...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,364

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    I don't know about this for myself. If I'm using someone else's tricks to fake something I don't really want to fake in the first place, I'd probably just rather be myself and screw it up like I usually do.
    I agree with this. *and this was kind of my point in the thread about that Dale Carnegie book, for anyone involved in that discussion as well*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think part of what Jennifer's saying (I might be wrong) is that it's not as simple as saying "this is what I value, so concentrate on that." I love words of affirmation, but not in a gooey way, like, "Gosh, you're so smart and special. Do you know how special you are?" More like, if I'm stressed out and feeling like I'm not up for a certain challenge, someone reminds me how I'm prepared for it, and I've done a good job in the past, etc. I kind of like pet names if it's done in a non-patronizing way. Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. We like to feel like we're unique, even when we're not.

    I like touch, but not all the time. I love it when someone helps me out without my having to ask. I love it when someone spends time with me doing something I like to do, when I know it's not their favorite thing in the world. I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.
    These are good points. I agree entirely.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Quotes, Sayings and Words of Wisdom to Inspire, Encourage and Challenge
    By Ene in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-27-2015, 08:38 PM
  2. [INTP] INTP and Fear of Rejection
    By greenfairy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 01:09 AM
  3. [INTP] INTP and the challenge of flirting
    By saltmineworker in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 09-05-2010, 12:16 PM
  4. [INTP] On loving and taking care of yourself (INTP)
    By ocean in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 06-26-2010, 02:49 PM
  5. Words of Wisdom, Inspiring Quotes, etc
    By rivercrow in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 11-21-2008, 06:39 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO