Keirsey's soulmates: ENFJ/INTP

[Tallulah]

Originally Posted by MacGuffin

Mindmates is a bit more than that. I can get along intellectually with more people than the rare mindmate. The passion is there in those cases. Sometimes not willingly.

Now that is intriguing. Have you had that? Can you explain a bit what it's like?

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

How great would it be to just think something and have them know it? I have something like that with my twin and I take it for granted.

This is a bit what I think soulmates would be like. Not so much that you are a mindreader, though, but that you understand where the other person is coming from. I've had that with a very few people. The whole "what do they mean by that? How should I interpret that?" thing with relationships isn't there, because you seem to just get each other on a deeper level, and there's like a gravitational pull toward them. It's the coolest feeling in the world.

Originally Posted by PinkPirahna

Here's a matter I was just discussing with Sis last night. The recurring fear by the INTP that they'll be consumed somehow or lose identity. That's not what happens, because quite frankly, I hold onto my identity with an iron grip too, and resent any dilution. Do INTPs pick partners, then, based on the idea that this person hits the "mind" marks but will never "own" the INTP on any level?

I think it's very possible that a lot of INTPs do. I don't think any INTP wants to be controlled. We'll always have to feel as if we're making our own decisions, and no one is pulling our strings. Consumed is a bit different, though. Consumed could have some positive possibilities. I actually love the idea of finding someone that makes me forget my stubborn old self a bit--someone that sort of triggers some of my other qualities. I find that my personality can be very, very affected by the chemistry with other individuals. I can't say, "Oh, I like this type." It's down to my personal chemistry with that individual, and how they make me feel and how I make them feel. Some people bring out weird sides of me, and I wouldn't want to experience that side in a long term relationship, all the time. If that makes any sense at all.

[PinkPiranha]

Originally Posted by Tallulah

This is a bit what I think soulmates would be like. Not so much that you are a mindreader, though, but that you understand where the other person is coming from. I've had that with a very few people. The whole "what do they mean by that? How should I interpret that?" thing with relationships isn't there, because you seem to just get each other on a deeper level, and there's like a gravitational pull toward them. It's the coolest feeling in the world.

Yes! This!

I think it's very possible that a lot of INTPs do. I don't think any INTP wants to be controlled. We'll always have to feel as if we're making our own decisions, and no one is pulling our strings. Consumed is a bit different, though. Consumed could have some positive possibilities. I actually love the idea of finding someone that makes me forget my stubborn old self a bit--someone that sort of triggers some of my other qualities. I find that my personality can be very, very affected by the chemistry with other individuals. I can't say, "Oh, I like this type." It's down to my personal chemistry with that individual, and how they make me feel and how I make them feel. Some people bring out weird sides of me, and I wouldn't want to experience that side in a long term relationship, all the time. If that makes any sense at all.

Same here. Thank you for your insight, Tulls. *smooch*

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by Tallulah

Now that is intriguing. Have you had that? Can you explain a bit what it's like?

I'm not sure I can. You have seen the massive thread at INTPc, right?

They think like you. It's a bit addictive. A connection. Mindcandy. Add in some sexual attraction and...

It's pretty electric. Similar to what the NFs are saying about soulmates, just perhaps the basis is different. Thinking patterns versus emotional intimacy? I don't want to get drawn into the mindmate/soulmate difference because I don't quite have a handle on soulmates. I hate that term, in fact.

[spirilis]

Originally Posted by MacGuffin

I'm not sure I can. You have seen the massive thread at INTPc, right?

They think like you. It's a bit addictive. A connection. Mindcandy. Add in some sexual attraction and...

It's pretty electric. Similar to what the NFs are saying about soulmates, just perhaps the basis is different. Thinking patterns versus emotional intimacy? I don't want to get drawn into the mindmate/soulmate difference because I don't quite have a handle on soulmates. I hate that term, in fact.

You know, I kept thinking to myself "I've never actually experienced a mindmate before" until this post, and suddenly I just recalled an experience a few weeks ago. A friend of mine was having his typical friday night party but brought over some classmates to work on some group project, and I found myself (and him) talking endlessly after everyone was gone with one of the girls in his group. It was eery (in an exciting sort of way) how our mannerisms and thought processes quite literally meshed. (i.e. she'd think to herself out loud, then apologize for it and I said something like "it's okay I do that too" 'cause boy did her words & thought process sound familiar, and there were other little things I'm not bothering to recall & specify here. It just felt like I was talking to someone who's truly from my own universe.) Additionally I was highly attracted to her based on physical appearance (no idea if that's mutual though I didn't get any vibe that it was), so that was exciting. My preliminary assumption about her type is that she's an ENTP. Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity to see her since then, but with any luck I'll have the chance some time soon. That might be an example of an early mindmate "infatuation."

[Tallulah]

Originally Posted by MacGuffin

I'm not sure I can. You have seen the massive thread at INTPc, right?

They think like you. It's a bit addictive. A connection. Mindcandy. Add in some sexual attraction and...

It's pretty electric. Similar to what the NFs are saying about soulmates, just perhaps the basis is different. Thinking patterns versus emotional intimacy? I don't want to get drawn into the mindmate/soulmate difference because I don't quite have a handle on soulmates. I hate that term, in fact.

Yeah, I remember reading that whole thread, actually. I guess I just never got a handle on it. I've experienced a feeling of brain connection with loads of people, mostly in academic settings, but I've only ever experienced a deeper, what I would term soul-level connection with a couple. The latter was more exciting for me. I think I actually am more turned on by the idea of someone being equally smart, but having different processes. For me, this would be sort of a mindmate, as well as soulmate thing. I find that when someone is too much like me, I don't maintain interest.

[Jack Flak]

Originally Posted by Tallulah

I actually am more turned on by the idea of someone being equally smart, but having different processes.

Yes. That's the only way I could call someone a soulmate. It doesn't happen if they aren't brilliant.

For me, this would be sort of a mindmate, as well as soulmate thing. I find that when someone is too much like me, I don't maintain interest.

Mindmate to me means intellectual cohort, and that's not something I need in a romance.

[Littlelostnf]

Yes it does indeed float my boat..I know I'm sick aren't I? sigh....

I didn't say extreme demands...I said demands. Ah there's one. The ability to not be afraid to stand up to you....I think somewhere down deep you want us too but you can be scary when we first do. I think you demand a strong woman/man but you want them to be strong without being obvious about it..that's not easy (mind you I'm drinking so this may not be coming out correctly but I basically mean what I'm saying.

Ummm if you're a bright INTP you want someone to challenge you in the intelligence department yet not make every convo a debate..

So are NF's (independant) we want a partner who wants and will come together with us but part of that is allowing us to be who we are and that requires allowing us our independance and alone time. We are constantly trying to figure ourselves out and so allowing us to do that is and requires not melding into one "partner" lump but taking a ride side by side.

I really don't think Pink meant all that...simply that we are very...you know I don't want to say what she meant...

Wow can't remember the original question or if it was directed towards me..I'll have to go back and look...(wow it's only been a bit of rum..sigh) Wait was this about the lava..it's true and it's always (at least for me) I want to build new lands with the person I'm with...it stays new and it's what I'd do if I were only just with myself so it's not a stress just what I do..and I'd want him to be willing to go there with me. there will always be the original me to go back to now and then..if he wants.

Yeah I liked what she said also....

Wow I really messed that up...better sign out and concentrate on one thing at a time.

[PinkPiranha]

Originally Posted by MacGuffin

I don't want to get drawn into the mindmate/soulmate difference because I don't quite have a handle on soulmates. I hate that term, in fact.

I first saw him on the day of orientation. I sat at the front of the room. My foreman was waiting for everyone to sit down before starting The Official Orientation Speech, taking us around the garage. This usual orientation speech was prefaced with "this is a girl..." gesturing to me. Everyone laughed. I waved, smiled. The guys I already knew laughed and waved back sarcastically. "Hey, Pink! So you're a girl, huh? That's cool....kinda knew you were a little off to be a fella..." Ah you people. So charming! :-p

During this speech, he walked in late. He sat down behind me. I was turned sideways in my seat. He stared at me without blinking, like I wasn't supposed to be there or even exist. I stared back. His eyes were almost white.

This began a year and a half's worth of fights, affectionate grappling, witty zingers and just being around each other. He was so dry, so smart, so funny, I was always proud of myself if I managed to crack his deadpan face and make him double over laughing. I remember one day, we were just standing there on break. (On the news this week, there was a passing mention of grocery stores doing unethical things to their produce so they could sell it well after it's freshness date. This was not mentioned in class. I just saw it on the news myself.) I remarked that my friend D (a grocery clerk) had not been to class in days. Boy with the White Eyes shoved a cigarette in his mouth, remarked dryly, "He's probably in the back of the Food Lion, pouring Clorox on the meat..."

That moment is burned into my brain. I always knew he was paying attention, that he was smart and absorbed subtle things. He wasn't like the other boys. He looked up at me through a haze of smoke, saw that I caught the meaning, smiled at me a little when I was asked to explain what that meant and knew what he was talking about. I guess the other guys didn't watch the news. He got a charge out of not having to explain himself to me.

That moment is burned into me because two things occurred: A whiplash meeting of the minds and overarching physical/emotional attraction. Other moments like these occurred, yes, but that one, I don't know. Stands out to me. It sort of typified our interactions.

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

That moment is burned into me because two things occurred: A whiplash meeting of the minds and overarching physical/emotional attraction. Other moments like these occurred, yes, but that one, I don't know. Stands out to me. It sort of typified our interactions.

Still hate the term.

It implies there is only One out there. Crap.

[Jack Flak]

Hmm. Well I know that's bogus, so if I use the term (I wouldn't aside from the mindmate/soulmate/playmate biz), it doesn't refer to "one."