ENTJ's are disliked?

[Maverick]

So you guys may think that learning about your mbti type was liberating and helped you alot to understand yourself and others better. Hopefully, it might help other people around you understand you better too.

Well I must say after learning about the ENTJ type for the first time I searched for "ENTJ" and at the time I found a couple of pages complaining about ENTJ's. Some people were complaining about bad experiences in business with arrogant ENTJ's, others were annoyed about how ENTJ's always have to ask tons of questions in class, some thought ENTJ's were just too blunt and insensitive to other people's feelings... Next, everytime I met some people into the MBTI and I told them my type they started to become wary of me. For example, there's this guy who I get on with well, an INFP, who after learning that I was ENTJ systematically refused to do anything I would ask him, became paranoid about me controlling him, and made it downright impossible to do anything. This other ENTP would enjoy playing little tricks on me (in a nice way) to show that he could "get me".

So what's the point in telling anyone you're an ENTJ? Are ENTJ's fundamentally disliked, and how to resolve the paradox of a personality that is disliked yet manages to become a leader so often?

[JivinJeffJones]

It's kind of hard to have sympathy for an ENTJ. I had an ENTJ "friend" once who spent 3 years trying to find the right approach to get me to follow his lead. He just couldn't seem to relax unless he was in charge. At their worst ENTJs almost strike me as parasitic. They crave leadership. The sweet sweet pleasure of denying them such leadership is one of the redeeming features of friendship with an ENTJ.

I guess telling people you're an ENTJ would help you score with the ladies who are looking for an alpha male type.

[booyalab]

Originally Posted by Maverick

and how to resolve the paradox of a personality that is disliked yet manages to become a leader so often?

I don't think that's a paradox at all. In workplace settings, I've found that the worst bosses are usually the ones that are more concerned with being popular than being competent.


Personally, ENTJs are probably my favorite type. Next to INTPs of course.

[ptgatsby]

Originally Posted by Maverick

So what's the point in telling anyone you're an ENTJ? Are ENTJ's fundamentally disliked, and how to resolve the paradox of a personality that is disliked yet manages to become a leader so often?

No one wants a leader as a friend or in a relationship. I think the answer is that simple.

Plus, once the veil has been taken away, ENTJs tend towards manipulating others in their own leadership goals. Once people pick up on it, it's all downhill.

[Maverick]

Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones

It's kind of hard to have sympathy for an ENTJ. I had an ENTJ "friend" once who spent 3 years trying to find the right approach to get me to follow his lead. He just couldn't seem to relax unless he was in charge. At their worst ENTJs almost strike me as parasitic. They crave leadership. The sweet sweet pleasure of denying them such leadership is one of the redeeming features of friendship with an ENTJ.

I guess telling people you're an ENTJ would help you score with the ladies who are looking for an alpha male type.

I guess it would be useless since people can already feel that from a mile away. I'm not even an alpha male type in the typical "strong physical guy who is captain of the football team" at all. In fact, I can't even be bothered with most sports and prefer intellectual activities.

I think it's a real pity though because the MBTI is geared towards understanding others, yet many types into it seem to dislike ENTJ's. It's as if they judge everything from their own type and consider leading "bad". There's even a kind of emotional revenge/envy - sort of "you may be the leaders but you won't get me to like you".

I was born my type and didn't choose the fact that being independent and in charge of something would be one of my core needs. Just as much as you need emotional connection, I need to be in charge. But anyway your answer corresponds to what people do in relationships with me. They will constantly try do "deny" me the leadership position. There's an attitude that comes from resentment, which I can understand, but I find it a bit annoying that people take pleasure out of it. It's almost... perverse and evil. Because they are doing it intentionally and "playing games" whereas my style is as natural as breathing. Relationships with others might end up being a game of hide and seek. "Look, you can lead me!", "Now, you can't anymore!", "You're angry? Here, lead me again", "You're in a good mood? You can't lead me anymore".

Some people have even tried to make me feel guilty about leading as if it was a "bad" personality trait to have. As if someone who wants to take charge and have power is necessarily evil, because no one should lead and everyone should be equal. That's what I was brought up to believe at least.

In the end, I've found that *not* leading and introverting ironically makse people follow me much more. In fact, when I don't want people to lead they all seem to come in masses... and I'm like "Nah, I just want to do my own thing" and they end up asking me "please! you're the only one that could do it!"

[Maverick]

Originally Posted by ptgatsby

No one wants a leader as a friend or in a relationship. I think the answer is that simple.

Plus, once the veil has been taken away, ENTJs tend towards manipulating others in their own leadership goals. Once people pick up on it, it's all downhill.

That's silly. Why are you friends with ENTJs then? And why have I got dozens of close friends that I've kept over the years, and a great gf that loves me for who I am?

If you're actually planning on being obnoxious, at least do it somewhat convincingly.

[ptgatsby]

Originally Posted by Maverick

That's silly. Why are you friends with ENTJs then? And why have I got dozens of close friends that I've kept over the years, and a great gf that loves me for who I am?

Most likely because you are aware of who you are. This mitigates the domineering factors fairly well. Plus, there are always those that like these traits - we all find people we are comfortable with.

I had assumed this was about ENTJs in general and not about you... I can tell you that I do avoid domineering types as friends because I like personal space. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one. I have heard the same from others, not just INTPs, so it isn't exactly a unique thing.

(Also, outside of MBTI, the main measurement that makes ENTJs bad is neuroticism... reactive ENTJs are the worst! But anyway...)

If you're actually planning on being obnoxious, at least do it somewhat convincingly.

If I plan to do anything, I do it convincingly... I just didn't think I needed to put much more than my own view on it. You can filter it out as you see fit.

[Zergling]

Originally Posted by Maverick

I was born my type and didn't choose the fact that being independent and in charge of something would be one of my core needs.

Trying to be in charge puts you above other people, and is seem as an attempt to take power from them, which is unexected in friendships, tends to wear them down from the under the surface competetion it can cause, and threatening in a certain amount. It's much more threatening than most of the other stereotypical behaviors of of different MBTI types (except perhaps stereotypical ESTP behaviors).

[Brendan]

Originally Posted by Maverick

So you guys may think that learning about your mbti type was liberating and helped you alot to understand yourself and others better. Hopefully, it might help other people around you understand you better too.

Well I must say after learning about the ENTJ type for the first time I searched for "ENTJ" and at the time I found a couple of pages complaining about ENTJ's. Some people were complaining about bad experiences in business with arrogant ENTJ's, others were annoyed about how ENTJ's always have to ask tons of questions in class, some thought ENTJ's were just too blunt and insensitive to other people's feelings... Next, everytime I met some people into the MBTI and I told them my type they started to become wary of me. For example, there's this guy who I get on with well, an INFP, who after learning that I was ENTJ systematically refused to do anything I would ask him, became paranoid about me controlling him, and made it downright impossible to do anything. This other ENTP would enjoy playing little tricks on me (in a nice way) to show that he could "get me".

So what's the point in telling anyone you're an ENTJ? Are ENTJ's fundamentally disliked, and how to resolve the paradox of a personality that is disliked yet manages to become a leader so often?

I used to be best friends with an ENTJ. We got along fine mostly because I didn't have a problem following his lead. I didn't find him controlling, I figured he was just a natural leader. The only thing that annoyed me was how he wouldn't go along with it when I had something that I specifically wanted to do. Other than that, I seemed to be the only person who he would forego his own judgement for or take instruction from, but that was rare, and it usually only happened either when I made it clear that he had made me extremely angry or when I was trying to be the voice of reason when it came to the way he treated other people.

Mostly I just dislike most immature ENTJ's I meet. The mature ones are great fun and very good to have as friends.

But then, I'm an ENFJ, and not only are we (according to several MBTI sites) supposedly good matches for ENTJ's, we get some of the same complaints as ENTJ's. So it is what it is I suppose.

Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones

I guess telling people you're an ENTJ would help you score with the ladies who are looking for an alpha male type.

Yeah. I tend to be attracted to ENTJ's. Then I remember that for a long term relationship, I'd probably go insane.

[Maverick]

Originally Posted by ptgatsby

Most likely because you are aware of who you are. This mitigates the domineering factors fairly well. Plus, there are always those that like these traits - we all find people we are comfortable with.

I had assumed this was about ENTJs in general and not about you... I can tell you that I do avoid domineering types as friends because I like personal space. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one. I have heard the same from others, not just INTPs, so it isn't exactly a unique thing.

(Also, outside of MBTI, the main measurement that makes ENTJs bad is neuroticism... reactive ENTJs are the worst! But anyway...)

It is about both ENTJ's and myself, but your statement was absolute ("No one wants"). There's domineering and leading. I don't want to be around domineering types either. People are always free to do what they want.