I am having issues with my diagnosis as INFJ

[InFlux]

One of my oldest friends types as INFP - and we are very different. Jennifer does well defining the differences, and I feel like I'm just going to echo her, but I still want to see what everyone else thinks.

I would make a list!

1) He often doesn't "get" social rules, and when he gets them, he doesn't bother with them probably nine times out of ten. (Fe?) I understand social signals, and know how to respond appropriately - without thinking about it - if I need to to get something done.

2) "get something done." He doesn't seem to get things done! (closure?) He spends way more time deciding what he feels about the decision than just making it and doing something. But then - I can be too impulsive. If I think I'm right, I just do something and figure I'll deal with whatever comes out of it. But I almost never regret decisions if I know I'm right, so whatever.

3) He's far more in tune with his own value system and what he feels is right (as opposed to what everyone else around him wants/needs) than I've ever been. I'm much more out of touch with my own feelings than he is, even though I spend at least as much time wandering my inner world. Mostly I talk to the (real and imaginary) people who live there. He talks to himself there! Separating what *I* want and feel from the people I care about is something that takes work and I'm only figuring out as an adult.

Long response - and I'm interested in how much of this relates to some bigger pattern that someone who understands MBTI better can see, and how much is just my friend's and my personal quirks.

On revenge... So, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not really aware of a desire for revenge most of the time. I try very hard to be forgiving and polite to people who violate some important idea I have about the world ("there must be a reason you suck" ), but it will build up. When I was younger, eventually I would explode at them, and they'd think I was nuts. Nice,quiet,nice,quiet... *YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL*. But I don't think I really want them to be hurt. Unless they do something truly horrible. But that's different. And they deserve it.

Finally! I'm not convinced anyone fits perfectly any of these categories or we'd have 16 kinds of robots wandering the streets. Life is a complicated mix of temperament and background and who you were raised by. If you really want to find a category, I think focusing on how your mind works would be smart - that's where I really see how these two types are different. The outer behavior you have and your beliefs seems to me like it has so much to do with how and where you've lived your life.

I can be long-winded.... now you all know.

[Athenian200]

I'm appeased now, Jennifer. Because you admitted to having a similar thought process to them, and especially since InFlux pointed out enough negative INFP traits to make me feel better. (Thank you, InFlux.)

[InFlux]

No problem.

Fair and balanced I may not be, though...

[Sahara]

I think it's downright cruel that athenian would ask for a nagative critique of the INFP when she knows how sensitive INFP's are to criticism.

[runvardh]

I picked up Ni and Te for the exact reason of my flaws, especially with how they compounded with the flaws of others in my immediate family. Grew up in the house of Fi, someone has to stand up and do something eventually.

[proteanmix]

Originally Posted by Sahara

I think it's downright cruel that athenian would ask for a nagative critique of the INFP when she knows how sensitive INFP's are to criticism.

FJs tend to take quite a beating on the MBTI message boards. That could be a reason why she was asking for a more balanced critique.

[Andy K Octopus]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Well, it is a bit difficult to weigh things out for you, without having any real information to go on or observation of you...

Although there are similarities between INFJ and INFP, the motivations are different (similar to INTJ and INTP "almost being the same" but not really). They are both NFs, but operate off different functions.

INFJ runs off Ni but expresses Fe. Thus, what you see on the surface tends to be more structured, more desire on closure, a more formalized sense of interaction with others (because they use Fe rules to express commitments). They tend to speak with more detail or at least with more of a sense of delineation in what they say. And internally, because of Ni, INFJs are very able to see other viewpoints as "equal" if different. They will judge people more often based on their actions or what they express.

INFP runs off Fi but expresses Ne. They tend to speak in more generalized terms and patterns (because of the Ne). Their warmth is more individualized in some ways, because it's coming from Fi (internal and thus personally expressive) rather than Fe (the external rule system defining what different acts "mean" relationally). They seem to judge people based more on their motivations, not necessarily what comes out.

Out of the two, in terms of interaction (which occurs in the external world), INFPs (using Ne) seem more flexible than INFJs (using Fe), who seem to be more self-controlled and have their world a bit more orderly and prioritized. In terms of control issues, INFPs seem to control their inner world and let the outer go more, while INFJs seem to like to control their outer world more.

Also, there is this thing called "revenge" that I see so much more in INFJs than in INFPs. I cannot really define it well yet, but INFJ dreams seem to be more violent and expressions of anger and retaliation and implementing "justice" against someone for the wrongs they have committed against them. It is like the INFJ has been prevented by Fe from acting on their anger, so it comes out in other ways; also, emotions have to be carried out in specific acts, implemented in some way.

The INFP can be gravely wounded by someone as well, but the judgment is something they carry around internally. Outwardly, they might fail to show or implement it, and even waver / show doubt about it. They tend to resolve the matter internally, rather than needing to extrovert it like the INFJ.

Note: In light of all this, it seems much better to piss off an INFP than an INFJ.

Note: These are just my first thoughts of some of the differences, and so they are prone to revision.

I definetly fit the INFJ description here more, except I don't have vengeful dreams---I am more like an INFP when it comes to resolving problems.

But on the outside I am much more organized than on the inside

[Andy K Octopus]

Originally Posted by InFlux

One of my oldest friends types as INFP - and we are very different. Jennifer does well defining the differences, and I feel like I'm just going to echo her, but I still want to see what everyone else thinks.

I would make a list!

1) He often doesn't "get" social rules, and when he gets them, he doesn't bother with them probably nine times out of ten. (Fe?) I understand social signals, and know how to respond appropriately - without thinking about it - if I need to to get something done.

2) "get something done." He doesn't seem to get things done! (closure?) He spends way more time deciding what he feels about the decision than just making it and doing something. But then - I can be too impulsive. If I think I'm right, I just do something and figure I'll deal with whatever comes out of it. But I almost never regret decisions if I know I'm right, so whatever.

3) He's far more in tune with his own value system and what he feels is right (as opposed to what everyone else around him wants/needs) than I've ever been. I'm much more out of touch with my own feelings than he is, even though I spend at least as much time wandering my inner world. Mostly I talk to the (real and imaginary) people who live there. He talks to himself there! Separating what *I* want and feel from the people I care about is something that takes work and I'm only figuring out as an adult.

Long response - and I'm interested in how much of this relates to some bigger pattern that someone who understands MBTI better can see, and how much is just my friend's and my personal quirks.

On revenge... So, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not really aware of a desire for revenge most of the time. I try very hard to be forgiving and polite to people who violate some important idea I have about the world ("there must be a reason you suck" ), but it will build up. When I was younger, eventually I would explode at them, and they'd think I was nuts. Nice,quiet,nice,quiet... *YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL*. But I don't think I really want them to be hurt. Unless they do something truly horrible. But that's different. And they deserve it.

Finally! I'm not convinced anyone fits perfectly any of these categories or we'd have 16 kinds of robots wandering the streets. Life is a complicated mix of temperament and background and who you were raised by. If you really want to find a category, I think focusing on how your mind works would be smart - that's where I really see how these two types are different. The outer behavior you have and your beliefs seems to me like it has so much to do with how and where you've lived your life.

I can be long-winded.... now you all know.

I definetly appear more organized and concientious to the outsider. Responsible, easy to get along with, gets things done. It is my internal thought process that is a shambles of eccentricities

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by proteanmix

FJs tend to take quite a beating on the MBTI message boards. That could be a reason why she was asking for a more balanced critique.

Well, since I seem to be getting myself into a heap o' trouble nowadays in general, I might as well offend everyone equally... so that no one feels left out.

<goes out to shop for baskets of band-aids and buckets of first-aid cream>

(hmm, i do have to say, though, maybe it would be more clear how much we love FJs here if you go visit INTPc for about, say, 25 minutes... Just sayin'! )

[Entropy]

Have you taken the Cognitive Processes test ever?
Understanding the Eight Jungian Cognitive Processes / Eight Functions Attitudes
This should help show you whether you use Ni-Fe or Fi-Ne, and thus whether you are more INFJ or INFP.