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  1. #1

    Default Getting to see another side to Mr. INTJ

    The INTJ guy I'm seeing has had some kind of switch thrown or something. I'm seeing a whole other side to him in recent weeks. He has started straight up teasing me like crazy, particularly about my height (I'm only 5'3") and a couple of my quirks. I suppose he's more comfortable knowing that I'm not easily offended and will laugh right along with him or give him something snarky or sarcastic right back. Is this a typical type of behavior as you progress farther into a relationship?

  2. #2
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    INTJs slowly get out of their shell as the relationship gets deeper and more intimate, and you get to see more bits of the Bummock adagio. There is always more than meets the eye.

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    Wei 18 - Sie 39 agentwashington's Avatar
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    yes. they like witty sparring
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    I think he might be trying to get a reaction out of you

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    That's intriguing. What kind of reaction may he be going for? And what are the possible motivations?

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    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    That's intriguing. What kind of reaction may he be going for? And what are the possible motivations?

    I hesitate to respond here merely because I'm not in the mood to be precise and yet feel this is an area where I probably should be. I'm not in the mood to exact all the proper disclaimers but will at least say here that this is by no means a behavior common to INTJs but...

    I have noticed that some INTJs...moreso with males...can begin this kind of teasing behavior. I think what it is...is an uncomfortableness with intimacy. In other words...at a moment where they might feel a sense of deeper feelings...where it might be appropriate to take intimacy to a deeper level with loving, supportive words, etc. they will push back against that and throw out teasing instead. <-This is why it can be difficult to get them to see how this behavior may start to wear on a person because they don't feel negative or menacing when they do it...and if you try to express yourself in this regard you will probably be met with "you are being too sensitive."


    *edit: whoops...based on what I quoted I should say I personally do not think he is trying to get a reaction out of you. That's just my opinion though.
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  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I have noticed that some INTJs...moreso with males...can begin this kind of teasing behavior. I think what it is...is an uncomfortableness with intimacy. In other words...at a moment where they might feel a sense of deeper feelings...where it might be appropriate to take intimacy to a deeper level with loving, supportive words, etc. they will push back against that and throw out teasing instead. <-This is why it can be difficult to get them to see how this behavior may start to wear on a person because they don't feel negative or menacing when they do it...and if you try to express yourself in this regard you will probably be met with "you are being too sensitive."
    I can attest to this, and see myself doing it as well, not just in romantic relationships but even when friendships or other relationships are getting too deep, too fast. It's a way of putting the brakes on things, keeping some distance, which means staying in control. It may be done for other reasons as well.

    On the other hand, some relationships just naturally incorporate alot of teasing and playful banter, due to the nature of the participants. From what the OP has written, I suspect this is more the case here.
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    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I can attest to this, and see myself doing it as well, not just in romantic relationships but even when friendships or other relationships are getting too deep, too fast. It's a way of putting the brakes on things, keeping some distance, which means staying in control. It may be done for other reasons as well.

    On the other hand, some relationships just naturally incorporate alot of teasing and playful banter, due to the nature of the participants. From what the OP has written, I suspect this is more the case here.

    Yes! thank you for coming in and adding to my explanation because I felt it was incomplete.

    What you describe is actually the only form of this behavior I've experienced out of an INTJ. I am being too gushy...or touchy-feely...or just downright too endearing in a relationship that really should maintain some form of distance.

    I don't get the sense that the OP is in danger of making the mistake that I have made but it is worth mentioning that she should keep an ongoing assessment of how this is actually making her feel...this teasing. Being afflicted with the Positive Outlook sickness...I have a tendency to take it and take it (I'm not necessarily a banterer) without understanding that it is taking its toll...and then to my own dismay...out comes the Te sledgehammer to make everything especially weird.

    I understand that the OP isn't bothered by it...but she needs to assess how she might feel if it continues on indefinitely...and if she thinks she will not like this...she needs to explain that she would like it to stop in a very logical and straightforward way.
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  9. #9
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I don't get the sense that the OP is in danger of making the mistake that I have made but it is worth mentioning that she should keep an ongoing assessment of how this is actually making her feel...this teasing. Being afflicted with the Positive Outlook sickness...I have a tendency to take it and take it (I'm not necessarily a banterer) without understanding that it is taking its toll...and then to my own dismay...out comes the Te sledgehammer to make everything especially weird.

    I understand that the OP isn't bothered by it...but she needs to assess how she might feel if it continues on indefinitely...and if she thinks she will not like this...she needs to explain that she would like it to stop in a very logical and straightforward way.
    If someone really is bothered by this sort of teasing/needling, they should be up front about it and say so; explain what bothers them and why, and ask that it stop or be limited. If an INTJ really cares for someone, they will generally respond to such a request because they really don't want to hurt the other person. Absent an explicit request, however, they will probably have no idea it is in fact bothersome, and will just carry on.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I hesitate to respond here merely because I'm not in the mood to be precise and yet feel this is an area where I probably should be. I'm not in the mood to exact all the proper disclaimers but will at least say here that this is by no means a behavior common to INTJs but...

    I have noticed that some INTJs...moreso with males...can begin this kind of teasing behavior. I think what it is...is an uncomfortableness with intimacy. In other words...at a moment where they might feel a sense of deeper feelings...where it might be appropriate to take intimacy to a deeper level with loving, supportive words, etc. they will push back against that and throw out teasing instead. <-This is why it can be difficult to get them to see how this behavior may start to wear on a person because they don't feel negative or menacing when they do it...and if you try to express yourself in this regard you will probably be met with "you are being too sensitive."


    *edit: whoops...based on what I quoted I should say I personally do not think he is trying to get a reaction out of you. That's just my opinion though.
    I agree with everything. The guy just sounds likes he's having fun and feels relatively comfortable with the OP. However, if he's using humor as a way to deflect serious conversations, then that might pose an issue.

    But some types would probably feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy moreso than others.

    Ha my IXTJ friends will sometimes flat out ignore emotional expression, but then reference their reactions to it months later long after I had forgotten about it... Like literally remembering conversations verbatim without bias and exaggeration...it's quite uncanny. It's as if they just stored it as a data point without responding.

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