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    Default INTJ Relationship Cost/benefit Analysis

    I read something the other day in a blog post or article on INTJs and relationships and it mentioned cost/benefit analysis, but it didn't explain anything about it from an INTJ perspective. Can y'all shed some light on how this process works with INTJs? What factors in? How long can it go on? What do you do once you've completed your analysis and the outcome is good or bad for a relationship?

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    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    Most INTJs impose a barrier of high expectations for their partners, since in all equity, they even more stricly obligate themselves to live up to these expectations too. Once they relinquish this suffocating need, they can start appreciating their partner for who they are, instead of what they should be/can be.

    Intellectual stimulation is preffered or just a little bit of discernment, attraction, growth, authenticity, harmony, healthy ethics, and independence are things that INTJs put as a high priority. In exchange, their loyalty and the effort they put in to improve everything are unprecedented.

    According to their subjective definitions, assessment of the parameters of the relationship, and their personal experiences, if these criteria are not met, and they feel stagnated, or worse, suffocated, INTJs walk away.

    The cost/benefit analysis you're looking for is highly subjective though. Each INTJ has their own story, no, each person has their own story.

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    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    I read something the other day in a blog post or article on INTJs and relationships and it mentioned cost/benefit analysis, but it didn't explain anything about it from an INTJ perspective. Can y'all shed some light on how this process works with INTJs? What factors in? How long can it go on? What do you do once you've completed your analysis and the outcome is good or bad for a relationship?
    Nearly any choice can be subject to a cost/benefit analysis, relationships included. Relationships take effort, energy, time, sacrifice. Ideally, they also bring benefits to us, like companionship, intimacy, support, financial stability. The values on both sides of the equation will vary with time, sometimes significantly so. We may feel like we are (and actually be) putting much more into a relationship than we are getting out, at least for a time. If that continues indefinitely, though, we may start to question the value of remaining in it. Each person must decide for him/herself where this balance lies. It is in seeing it as a balance in the first place, and evaluating it as such, that the notion of cost/benefit analysis comes into play.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Nearly any choice can be subject to a cost/benefit analysis, relationships included. Relationships take effort, energy, time, sacrifice. Ideally, they also bring benefits to us, like companionship, intimacy, support, financial stability. The values on both sides of the equation will vary with time, sometimes significantly so. We may feel like we are (and actually be) putting much more into a relationship than we are getting out, at least for a time. If that continues indefinitely, though, we may start to question the value of remaining in it. Each person must decide for him/herself where this balance lies. It is in seeing it as a balance in the first place, and evaluating it as such, that the notion of cost/benefit analysis comes into play.
    Yes, but do INTJs fall into the N trap of thinking they know the answers without a lot of actual direct experience? They tend to use the past knowledge experience to dictate the here and now which may or may not apply. I personally don't find INTJ cost benefit analysis very good for picking out a relationship as they don't fully see the person or situation in front of them, but a mere set of cost benefit analysis concepts that have a higher priority. Basically create a lot of concepts with little data. While the concepts do fit the data, they don't always fit real life based on how often the data appears or the minute detail of it that's missed due to the quick disconnect from life into concepts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrophagus View Post
    Most INTJs impose a barrier of high expectations for their partners, since in all equity, they even more stricly obligate themselves to live up to these expectations too. Once they relinquish this suffocating need, they can start appreciating their partner for who they are, instead of what they should be/can be.

    Intellectual stimulation is preffered or just a little bit of discernment, attraction, growth, authenticity, harmony, healthy ethics, and independence are things that INTJs put as a high priority. In exchange, their loyalty and the effort they put in to improve everything are unprecedented.

    According to their subjective definitions, assessment of the parameters of the relationship, and their personal experiences, if these criteria are not met, and they feel stagnated, or worse, suffocated, INTJs walk away.

    The cost/benefit analysis you're looking for is highly subjective though. Each INTJ has their own story, no, each person has their own story.
    INTJs expect a set of standards from their partner that match what they think will be. Some standards are high, others are low and the amount of high/low vary based on the past. The history of the INTJ will dictate this. One who has experienced more healthy relationships will have higher standards and concepts to uphold, while those around more unhealthy relationships will build concepts around being unhealthy and the way things are. IJs like EPs are actually very much driven by their perception of life more so then an EJ/IP who are more driven by the judgment of life.

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    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    I read something the other day in a blog post or article on INTJs and relationships and it mentioned cost/benefit analysis, but it didn't explain anything about it from an INTJ perspective. Can y'all shed some light on how this process works with INTJs? What factors in? How long can it go on? What do you do once you've completed your analysis and the outcome is good or bad for a relationship?
    I am more likely to use such a List BEFORE I get into a relationship.
    I usually have a good idea of what I am looking for in a companion.
    When I was 14, I made a list of what I was looking for.
    I wanted someone who didn't smoke or drink.
    My list probably had a dozen items on it.
    If I met someone that I liked then I found out they smoked or drank, a lot of times I would lower my "standard" rather than leave the relationship because I didn't want to be alone.
    Right before I met my husband, I had decided I wasn't going to lower my standards any more.
    When I told him I couldn't date him because he drank, he gave up drinking.

    He passed away 8 years ago and I have been alone since then.
    While I would love to have another such relationship,
    I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with all the ups and downs of dating.
    However - I AM working on a list of qualifications that the prospective mate would need to have! Hahaha!
    The fact is that I tend to develop a crush easily... on anybody.
    I put people on a pedestal and don't see their negative qualities for a long time.
    The list is for my protection and to help me to remember what I'm looking for.
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    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Yes, but do INTJs fall into the N trap of thinking they know the answers without a lot of actual direct experience? They tend to use the past knowledge experience to dictate the here and now which may or may not apply. I personally don't find INTJ cost benefit analysis very good for picking out a relationship as they don't fully see the person or situation in front of them, but a mere set of cost benefit analysis concepts that have a higher priority. Basically create a lot of concepts with little data. While the concepts do fit the data, they don't always fit real life based on how often the data appears or the minute detail of it that's missed due to the quick disconnect from life into concepts.
    IME the highlighted is much more typical of INTPs, probably influenced by tert Si. In fact, my INTP indulges in it quite frequently. INTJs are more likely to extrapolate too far from scanty current direct experiences (Ni plus inf Se), rather than to put overmuch stock in the past. Sure, we might be wary in a new relationship because of negative experiences in previous ones, but we will weigh heavily how the other person behaves in the here-and-now. In fact, we are often willing to overlook serious past failings if the person is demonstrating "good behavior" more recently. This goes for non-romantic relationships as well, e.g. giving someone with a poor record a chance on the job if they seem motivated and understand where they went wrong before and how to correct that..
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    I read something the other day in a blog post or article on INTJs and relationships and it mentioned cost/benefit analysis, but it didn't explain anything about it from an INTJ perspective. Can y'all shed some light on how this process works with INTJs? What factors in? How long can it go on? What do you do once you've completed your analysis and the outcome is good or bad for a relationship?
    I feel like INTJs might be the only type to apply a Te heavy boardroom tactic like this to their relationships.

    Im like "is the sex good? It is? K the rest can work itself out, lets do this."
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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poki View Post
    Yes, but do INTJs fall into the N trap of thinking they know the answers without a lot of actual direct experience? They tend to use the past knowledge experience to dictate the here and now which may or may not apply. I personally don't find INTJ cost benefit analysis very good for picking out a relationship as they don't fully see the person or situation in front of them, but a mere set of cost benefit analysis concepts that have a higher priority. Basically create a lot of concepts with little data. While the concepts do fit the data, they don't always fit real life based on how often the data appears or the minute detail of it that's missed due to the quick disconnect from life into concepts.
    Yeah I don't agree with this either. INTJs are focused on the future not the past Past experiences are data points but nothing more It's all about projecting what will happen the future Si dom and aux are the ones that focus on past experiences more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Yeah I don't agree with this either. INTJs are focused on the future not the past Past experiences are data points but nothing more It's all about projecting what will happen the future Si dom and aux are the ones that focus on past experiences more.
    Past experiences are not data points. Past experiences are what you pick up. Ni does not pick up past data points, it picks up past concepts which i believe is what i said. There is a huge difference between the 2.

    INTJ boss: we did this in the other group and this is why it didnt work...insert concept here. Take your pick of future or past....i see both. Past leading to future. INTJ are just as heavy past as INTJ UNLESS you add the word data points. Its a different story when you "qualify" it. I come across this alot with INTJs. Its different then ISTJs which i agree are data points.

    "assumptions" - things left out that are just assumed based on...
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