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  1. #1
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    Default How does an ENFJ feel after rejecting someone?

    i was in a complicated relationship (long distance) with an enfj for a year, and i thought he really really liked me, but two days ago, after he took me out on our first and probably last date (which went really well actually) I asked him over text if he still liked me and said that we needed to decide wether we were friends or more. His response was ; 'im very happy about your feelings for me but as expected i can't be with you. Sorry. But I want to remain friends with you always!' And then I said 'oh, right. I'm sorry' and then he said 'yeah, let's have a meetup with our friends when you come again' and I said 'sure' and he hasnt responded to that and in my experience he probably won't. At first I was very very angry and hurt, especially since he didnt even give me an explaination or tell me wether he still liked me but I dont want to ask for it if he doesnt want to tell me. He did update his status to 'please don't hate me.' yesterday which is probably directed at me. I thought that was kind of a selfish thing to say and I still dont understand why he pretended to like me so much for that long if he didnt even want to be with me. But then again, I still do love him even though sometimes when I'm not physically there I feel like he doesn't care about me at all. So, do you think he's feeling sad too? Maybe he's doing great but if he was feeling sorry for me I'd feel terrible. And how can I help him feel better? Or do you think he's fine?

  2. #2
    reflecting pool Typh0n's Avatar
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    Maybe he's playing with you; enfjs are known to do that sometimes when they don't know what they want.

  3. #3
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    @Vavazhan: He likes you as a person but he isn't romantically interested ENOUGH. And if I can tell someone is trying to push the boundary, I will do things to create a distance.

    This is just my experience from leading several people on.

  4. #4
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    Thank you!! It's just... he bought me Ice cream and gave me a very special present, he asked me to go see him perform in a play and he repeatedly complimented me on my appearance and talent so it is extremely confusing since no one else treats me this way, and this was all just one week before he rejected me. I'm slowly accepting the situation but I'm still having a hard time understanding whether it is the distance, timing, cultural/language barrier or just me that is the problem. Why would he act interested if he is not and just break my heart!?!!!?
    anyways, I don't want to lose him and he did say that he wants to be my friend forever. But he's not replying to my last text message ('yeah'), either because he cant be bothered to make an effort to change the topic or because he knows he hurt me and feels bad. What do you suggest I do now? Do I wait a bit longer or should I try to talk to him now? It's been 3 days and we used to talk everyday.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vavazhan View Post
    Thank you!! It's just... he bought me Ice cream and gave me a very special present, he asked me to go see him perform in a play and he repeatedly complimented me on my appearance and talent so it is extremely confusing since no one else treats me this way, and this was all just one week before he rejected me. I'm slowly accepting the situation but I'm still having a hard time understanding whether it is the distance, timing, cultural/language barrier or just me that is the problem. Why would he act interested if he is not and just break my heart!?!!!?
    anyways, I don't want to lose him and he did say that he wants to be my friend forever. But he's not replying to my last text message ('yeah'), either because he cant be bothered to make an effort to change the topic or because he knows he hurt me and feels bad. What do you suggest I do now? Do I wait a bit longer or should I try to talk to him now? It's been 3 days and we used to talk everyday.
    Like I said, he values you as a friend but nothing more. There are men who I love dearly as people but would never pursue romance with.

    ENFJs are known for knowing how to make others feel "special".
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  6. #6
    Member Novella's Avatar
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    I would give him space. Let him do the work now to rebuild the friendship. People take generosity of spirit for granted, step back, take a breath and let him prove how much the friendship means to him. Don't be that person that does all the work in a friendship. It demeans your worth. All the best
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  7. #7
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Ask yourself if you can be friends with him without stress of negative feelings effecting how you feel about him. If you can't? Push him out and move on.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
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    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari

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  8. #8
    SpaceCadetGoldStarBrigade Population: 1's Avatar
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    It could also depend on your type. How your type interprets displays of affection vs how he as a ENFJ projects it.

    I've heard for instance INFPs and ENFJs can make a good couple. However, the INFP can display affection for their partners that they see as exclusively for that person. It's not a part of themselves they share easily. Whereas an ENFJ may tend to be affectionate with many people (platonically) but the INFP will become jealous because they associate that display with a romantic partner only. So he may be being his friendly self which he is with everyone and not realize it is analyzed differently by you and taken as exhibiting something more serious. Perhaps it's a case of lost in translation between the two of you.
    To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. Douglas Adams

    Mornings are for coffee and contemplation. Jim Hopper
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    It could also depend on your type. How your type interprets displays of affection vs how he as a ENFJ projects it.

    I've heard for instance INFPs and ENFJs can make a good couple. However, the INFP can display affection for their partners that they see as exclusively for that person. It's not a part of themselves they share easily. Whereas an ENFJ may tend to be affectionate with many people (platonically) but the INFP will become jealous because they associate that display with a romantic partner only. So he may be being his friendly self which he is with everyone and not realize it is analyzed differently by you and taken as exhibiting something more serious. Perhaps it's a case of lost in translation between the two of you.
    My ENFJ guy friend: "X, you know I love you, right?"

    Another time, "Out of all my friends, nothing compares to what we have here."

    Although he thinks that I am pretty. he would never date me... but he loves me as friend. ENFJs will tend to go ALL OUT for those that they want to pursue... initiation and such.
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  10. #10
    SpaceCadetGoldStarBrigade Population: 1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureInProgress View Post
    My ENFJ guy friend: "X, you know I love you, right?"

    Another time, "Out of all my friends, nothing compares to what we have here."

    Although he thinks that I am pretty. he would never date me... but he loves me as friend. ENFJs will tend to go ALL OUT for those that they want to pursue... initiation and such.
    Thanks for weighing in on my comment as an ENFJ. I'm just going off what I've read as our two types are often paired up theoretically. Honestly, I'm still figuring out the major and subtle differences between types. Being on these forums is a good learning experience.
    To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. Douglas Adams

    Mornings are for coffee and contemplation. Jim Hopper

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