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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    Thanks for weighing in on my comment as an ENFJ. I'm just going off what I've read as our two types are often paired up theoretically. Honestly, I'm still figuring out the major and subtle differences between types. Being on these forums is a good learning experience.
    You're welcome. ENFJs usually like to show their interest and excitement for people... especially in the moment. That genuine but intense display of emotion catches people off-guard and sometimes gets misconstrued as romantic interest. And this quality, coming from a male, is like a drug to many women.

    As a female ENFJ, I had a lot of males tell me how strong of a connection they felt with me... sometimes just after ONE conversation. I have been told that I actually seem curious to get know who the person really is.
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  2. #12
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    When I had just started dating my wife (ISFP), she wasn't willing to let anyone know about us. One night, we were invited to a friend's apartment. We arrived separately and I arrived first.

    I was very excited to see my GF. I chatted with our friend's roommate, until my GF arrived.

    The next Monday, a classmate told me that I had a new "love". I was very confused, as the classmate had no idea about my GF.

    The story soon came out. One of the friend's roommates took my friendliness as interest. She told everyone she knew that I was interested in her. She was so empathic that my classmates struggled to accept my protestations.

    All too often, I have had others take my ENFJ-ness as interest.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  3. #13
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureInProgress View Post
    You're welcome. ENFJs usually like to show their interest and excitement for people... especially in the moment. That genuine but intense display of emotion catches people off-guard and sometimes gets misconstrued as romantic interest. And this quality, coming from a male, is like a drug to many women.

    As a female ENFJ, I had a lot of males tell me how strong of a connection they felt with me... sometimes just after ONE conversation. I have been told that I actually seem curious to get know who the person really is.
    I am male so I can't entirely comment, but I have some things I can share that are in this vein.

    When I teach, I will always have some students that metaphorically fall in love with me. I actually had one persue me on OKCupid many years ago while he was my student (promptly informed my dept. and they dealt with it). Several of my good friends have had me as a teacher before we became friends and they all told me that when I teach I am so emotive passionate and genuine that it's hard not to get interested in the material or not like me. I think nothing of it. I am just doing something I enjoy doing and people really like me because of the emotion I give off.

    I need to be in the right environment and be given the right reason, but I can make people fall in love with me very quick (ok, not literally, but you get the idea). All I do is show interest, be very expressive, and respond to my environment in a friendly manner (not just to the person I am speaking with). It's essentially schmoozing, which comes natural.

    Since I was young, I have had a lot of people comment to me that they don't know why they opened up to me as much as they did, it just sort of happened. It comes with them saying they felt connected and like I somehow "got" them.

    On the flip side though? I can easily turn all of this off at the drop of the hat if I want to or need to. If I am with someone I don't care for, don't like, or flat out want them to not connect to me at all, I'll flip the switch, none of the above will occur, and that will be that. With me, if I like someone, am neutral, or dislike someone, it's VERY clear. Reading between the lines for that sort of thing is really not needed. Sometimes I give off mixed signals; if I do then the linking of someone is not strong or isn't even there. I think that's a common mistake people make- mixed signals usually means marginal interest at best.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    I am male so I can't entirely comment, but I have some things I can share that are in this vein.

    When I teach, I will always have some students that metaphorically fall in love with me. I actually had one persue me on OKCupid many years ago while he was my student (promptly informed my dept. and they dealt with it). Several of my good friends have had me as a teacher before we became friends and they all told me that when I teach I am so emotive passionate and genuine that it's hard not to get interested in the material or not like me. I think nothing of it. I am just doing something I enjoy doing and people really like me because of the emotion I give off.

    I need to be in the right environment and be given the right reason, but I can make people fall in love with me very quick (ok, not literally, but you get the idea). All I do is show interest, be very expressive, and respond to my environment in a friendly manner (not just to the person I am speaking with). It's essentially schmoozing, which comes natural.

    Since I was young, I have had a lot of people comment to me that they don't know why they opened up to me as much as they did, it just sort of happened. It comes with them saying they felt connected and like I somehow "got" them.

    On the flip side though? I can easily turn all of this off at the drop of the hat if I want to or need to. If I am with someone I don't care for, don't like, or flat out want them to not connect to me at all, I'll flip the switch, none of the above will occur, and that will be that. With me, if I like someone, am neutral, or dislike someone, it's VERY clear. Reading between the lines for that sort of thing is really not needed. Sometimes I give off mixed signals; if I do then the linking of someone is not strong or isn't even there. I think that's a common mistake people make- mixed signals usually means marginal interest at best.
    Can relate... I become distant, aloof, and "introverted". I actually ghost on people or block them if I didn't really build a rapport with them. Once I had a guy online tell me within an hour of first contact that we would be best friends for life. I could tell that the guy meant no harm but I just didn't want to deal with it.

    So how do you interpret the actions of the guy in the OP?

    I perceive it as platonic with a tinge of guilt.

  5. #15
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureInProgress View Post
    Can relate... I become distant, aloof, and "introverted". I actually ghost on people or block them if I didn't really build a rapport with them. Once I had a guy online within an hour of first contact that we would be best friends for life. I could tell that the guy meant no harm but I just didn't want to deal with it.

    So how do you interpret the actions of the guy in the OP?

    I perceive it as platonic with a tinge of guilt.
    My guess is he initially was excited, and after a day had some time to think and realized it was just "new person excitement" and came down to earth. He was likely never all that invested to begin with, and I wouldn't be surprised if the "let's just be friends" bit is motivated by some guilt or trying to let them down easy. It would become apparent after some time of the OP went along with that. Personally, I think the OP should just move on to greener pastures, I don't seem them gaining anything at all from being friends. There might be something, but it's high risk low reward.

    I used to ghost people in the past or block them, but I try and avoid that as much as I can. I usually aim for blunt and upfront now. It feels more fair, and in a lot of ways more natural; I just had to get over the fear factor. I am a lot more mindful of who I pull in now, so I don't have to deal with that sort of thing. It's fun for no one.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  6. #16
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    ...He did give me a big heartshaped paper which said 'I love you' in my mothertounge after I did a 'goodbye' speech to my class before I moved away, but that was last year and now he seems to have forgotten. I guess he's just playing with me, since he doesnt really know me well. But it's really hard for me to let go since he was so important to me and I admire him so much as a person, he's really good at helping others and always doing his best and it's...rare. I just can't help it. I know it's probably not healthy for me, and it still really hurts, but I feel like he really needs someone to listen to him, (he seems to be really down since he rejected me) so I'm going to be there for him, and I hope we can become really good friends and actually get to know eachother well. But he's not saying anything, I always initiate our text conversations (although he always initiates our real life ones) . Which is why I'm still wondering if he even meant the 'i want us to be friends forever'...or he wants nothing to do with me, because I can't take anything he says too seriously anymore or I'll go crazy. I've never had a friend last for more than 4 years. I'm an 18 year old INFP in case anyone was wondering ^_^ thanks guys you ENFJs help a lot lol

  7. #17
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    Oh I forgot, how do i get close to ENFJs? What things do you like and what sorts of things do you find funny? How do i impress you and make you want to talk to me more?

  8. #18
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    Move on... You will come off desperate to the ENFJ.

  9. #19
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vavazhan View Post
    Oh I forgot, how do i get close to ENFJs? What things do you like and what sorts of things do you find funny? How do i impress you and make you want to talk to me more?
    1st, ENFJs are just not common, especially ENFJ males(1.6% of males). In any group of 100 males, there will likely be 3 NFJs, at best. Why limit yourself to just one type? There are a lot of great people of many types.

    2nd, but, if you must know, here are things I appreciate about people: authenicity, intellect, fun, challenging, stimulating. I do not enjoy anyone trying to fake their way into my attention (huge failure, anyway, as I see right through it).

    And, for me, Fi is the strongest thing that pulls me. It is an involuntary unconscious pull that immediately attracts my interest. It is a compulsion, almost. As a young man, I dated FPs almost exclusively. My wife is a ISFP. FPs are not an easy fit, given the Fe Fi difference, but I was never interested in Fe girls in my youth.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  10. #20
    SpaceCadetGoldStarBrigade Population: 1's Avatar
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    Whatever you decide OP as a fellow INFP I wish you the best. Perhaps giving him and yourself time to sort this out will bring clarification of what has occurred. Take care.
    To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. Douglas Adams

    Mornings are for coffee and contemplation. Jim Hopper
    Likes FutureInProgress liked this post

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