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  1. #21
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    "If you act happy...you are happy. If you act happy in no way are you exerting yourself in a meaningful way or doing something with thought or purpose that has great value. So much of what we do goes unnoticed I think"
    ^^^ This..also people automatically think your always Just's miss ducking sunshine, and when you need to recharge they ask "what's wrong?" "Your not yourself" they have no idea how Much energy is needed to light up the room and how exausting it can be to feed sparkle dust to other people. It's like people feel like your letting them down if your not lighting shit up.
    But I will tell you when I am lighting up a room or my sparkle is on full blast, I feel like no one is as alive in that moment as I am.
    the only thing I've ever attracted to myself is moths, people who are drawn to the sparkle instinctually but end up not knowing what to do with it when they encounter it, and trying to change that, oh and to sparkle just for me not for everyone else's "amusement" as they seem to think we are the entertainment. I'm not obligated to make your experience a positive one. ☄️🌟✨

    Okay...the way I thought this was going to go down is that I would be the one telling you this stuff... (Is that little blue icon a tampon applicator? The awesomeness of Life being regenerated for me is kinda riding on that being the case.)

    I can't get medical doctors to believe there's something wrong with me when there is. When I was a little girl I was sent home with a broken bone...pneumonia that almost ended up killing me...all kinds of childhood illnesses... and the reasoning was always "trust me, *if* she had X problem she would be screaming or crying...but look at her...she seems just fine to me." <-So yah...if I have a broken bone and am unable to get that bit of info across to a doctor... You definitely know I'm lying my ass off and there's actually some huge problem that I'm hiding if I tell regular folk I don't feel up for coffee.

    I know you want someone to love you for your shine because the shine ultimately represents a better way of life we believe and we want tons more people on-board. If you like the shine you are now simultaneously liking the entire philosophy... Eat dessert first; Life is uncertain. The problem is...is that philosophies attract...people that are lost...people that expect you to make the world okay for them...people that are sick...people that are dependent on the shine always shining because it reminds them of the philosophy...moths...

    ^^I understood none of this prior to being pushed over the edge and returning with "From now on I'm shining like a bitch."

    Do not extinguish yourself...but do not allow it to be your romantic yardstick.
    Walk first through the fire.


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  2. #22
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Starry;2857244]Okay...the way I thought this was going to go down is that I would be the one telling you this stuff... (Is that little blue icon a tampon applicator? The awesomeness of Life being regenerated for me is kinda riding on that being the case.) I can't get medical doctors to believe there's something wrong with me when there is. When I was a little girl I was sent home with a broken bone...pneumonia that almost ended up killing me...all kinds of childhood illnesses... and the reasoning was always "trust me, *if* she had X problem she would be screaming or crying...but look at her...she seems just fine to me."
    (It's a flaming vibrator lol)
    I had to sit with all of this last night. You are so right,
    "if you like the shine you are now simultaneously liking the whole philosophy."
    ^^ I am still actually absorbing all of this because it rings so true for me and the philosophy does attract those who are lost because it does represent a better way and we appear to be so certain.
    this "she seems just fine to me answer" has always applied to me until I totally implode ( for extroverts we sure do internalize) why do you think we do this, is it for them or for us? Is it to protect ourselves because we don't feel safe showing "the dark side of our moon" in essence or because we want to be who people assume we are?

  3. #23
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    (It's a flaming vibrator lol)
    I am reborn.



    I had to sit with all of this last night. You are so right,
    "if you like the shine you are now simultaneously liking the whole philosophy."
    ^^ I am still actually absorbing all of this because it rings so true for me and the philosophy does attract those who are lost because it does represent a better way and we appear to be so certain.

    Prior to my last official? formal? committed all-in relationship ending in the epic PTSD causing disaster it had been barreling towards all along without me knowing it... I absolutely selected solely from the *is down with the shine* dude pool because I was under the impression it somehow guaranteed me an other half that saw value in what it was I was truly attempting to do. I thought that diggin *it* at the 'I want to be your boyfriend' level somehow magically meant the guy had an insider's understanding of the shine's purpose and I would finally be appreciated for all those things that go unnoticed. "Look at all that Starry does to try and bring happiness into the lives of others..." I thought this guaranteed me an individual that understood I understood exactly what I was doing...and that this philosophy wasn't a joke but had true merit worth examining and incorporating into the grander scheme of things for a greater sense of wellbeing. If a dude digged the shine...if they understood the shine's purpose...I would finally be seen as a strategic, sophisticated adult with a high intelligence and meaningful vision...none of this "much like children" <-fuck.

    Unfortunately...that is not how it works. There's no way to separate out the shine likers in order to determine who will soon need to kill your sparkle. I'm now flying the worst of it at all times. But with you...look to dudes that appreciate you when you aren't lighting up a room.

    this "she seems just fine to me answer" has always applied to me until I totally implode ( for extroverts we sure do internalize) why do you think we do this, is it for them or for us? Is it to protect ourselves because we don't feel safe showing "the dark side of our moon" in essence or because we want to be who people assume we are?
    It's time...

    The Wisdom of the Enneagram Seven
    Walk first through the fire.


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  4. #24
    I wanna fcken feel right Numbly Aware's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    ...I would finally be seen as a strategic, sophisticated adult with a high intelligence and meaningful vision...none of this "much like children" <-fuck.
    You are a strategic, sophisticated adult with a high intelligence and meaningful vision... I believe this 100%
    I'm in pain, I wanna put 10 shots in my brain~
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  5. #25
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ñoño View Post
    You are a strategic, sophisticated adult with a high intelligence and meaningful vision... I believe this 100%
    So it has nothing to do with Just go with it?

    Your virtue, your intelligence, your passion.
    Your beauty, your drive, and your womanhood.
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  6. #26
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    &ldquo;Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that. And living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.
    Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.&rdquo;

    Feeling this all the way through my being. I won't forget this ever.
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  7. #27
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    "And if we could float away
    Fly up to the surface and just start again
    Lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain
    Just erodes us in the rain
    Just erodes us and see roses in the rain saying
    Slow it down
    Through chaos as it swirls
    It's us against the world"
    us against the world - Coldplay
    and you had asked before I'm a 7w6
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  8. #28
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ñoño View Post
    You are a strategic, sophisticated adult with a high intelligence and meaningful vision... I believe this 100%
    nono thank you for this. This message is meaningful to me and subsequently means a great deal that you were so kind in creating it.

    I noticed yesterday when I went to grab the link for the 7s thread that you had posted in there which makes me wonder whether you've gathered that I very much see what I wrote as describing a person that no longer exists at best...as I've dedicated many hours to questioning whether I can claim to have ever existed with those qualities in a legitimate form seeing they were upheld by a rather stubborn case of positive outlook and not truly owned by me like they should have been but rather dependent on the future possibility of being seen.

    In my mind I possess none of that now. But if you can see the ghosts of Starry past... perhaps I can claim that they were real and they were mine. Thank you for this gift.
    Walk first through the fire.


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  9. #29
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    So it has nothing to do with Just go with it?
    I'm not sure what all you are saying here chubber but I'm diggin it.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

  10. #30
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that. And living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.
    Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

    Feeling this all the way through my being. I won't forget this ever.
    Oh and look at what you are doing. There's a whole lot of full circle happening here for me so I'm so glad I dedicated myself to helping all the young ENFPs wtf
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

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