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  1. #11
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Doesn't she identify as ENFP? I think she may be mistyped. I do like a fair amount of her articles. Maybe ENFJ?

    This here is striking:
    "Much like children, their excitable natures are comforted by meaningful, structured thought."

    Inferior Ti in herself?

    ENFPs got the Fi, which can be quite structured internally. It's like Ti for the emotional/value realm. Fi development benefits ENFPs a lot more than a condescending partner who structures their thoughts for them... Speaking in a non-linear manner is a common NP problem, and according to Jung, Ti & Fi both struggle to communicate very rational ideas in a way others accept as rational. I think this is why writing often becomes a valued tool by NFPs in particular. It's something you work out for yourself. I wouldn't say this non-linear style needs "comfort" but patience out of humility (not condescension) and attempts from others to follow your leaps and see how it already makes sense.


    OA your contributions mean so much - you just don't know.


    I also did a whole bunch of grown-up stuff today all by myself without supervision so I'm going to put a star sticker on my hand.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.
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  2. #12
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Doesn't she identify as ENFP? I think she may be mistyped. I do like a fair amount of her articles. Maybe ENFJ?

    This here is striking:
    "Much like children, their excitable natures are comforted by meaningful, structured thought."

    Inferior Ti in herself?

    ENFPs got the Fi, which can be quite structured internally. It's like Ti for the emotional/value realm. Fi development benefits ENFPs a lot more than a condescending partner who structures their thoughts for them... Speaking in a non-linear manner is a common NP problem, and according to Jung, Ti & Fi both struggle to communicate very rational ideas in a way others accept as rational. I think this is why writing often becomes a valued tool by NFPs in particular. It's something you work out for yourself. I wouldn't say this non-linear style needs "comfort" but patience out of humility (not condescension) and attempts from others to follow your leaps and see how it already makes sense.


    I probably should have edited my last post but what can I do? being the emotional age of 4 and packin all this over-zealous yang.


    They have a new life plan every five minutes, may contradict themselves several times during a single conversation and quite often come to conclusions that have nothing to do at all with what you’re talking about.

    ^This was not written by an ENFP because an ENFP would know that this is not what is actually occurring and at the very least frame it like "It may look like an ENFP is..."
    Walk first through the fire.


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  3. #13
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Doesn't she identify as ENFP? I think she may be mistyped. I do like a fair amount of her articles. Maybe ENFJ?

    This here is striking:
    "Much like children, their excitable natures are comforted by meaningful, structured thought."

    Inferior Ti in herself?

    ENFPs got the Fi, which can be quite structured internally. It's like Ti for the emotional/value realm. Fi development benefits ENFPs a lot more than a condescending partner who structures their thoughts for them... Speaking in a non-linear manner is a common NP problem, and according to Jung, Ti & Fi both struggle to communicate very rational ideas in a way others accept as rational. I think this is why writing often becomes a valued tool by NFPs in particular. It's something you work out for yourself. I wouldn't say this non-linear style needs "comfort" but patience out of humility (not condescension) and attempts from others to follow your leaps and see how it already makes sense.
    Where does it say this? Can you give a reference to it please? I just think there is some context missing here.

  4. #14
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    @Poki I hope you don't mind me calling you to this thread and as goes without saying there's no obligation to answer this personal question... I'm just looking one person that is in an equal partnership with an ENFP...where that ENFP brings more to the table than being a fucking trophy or brat or both. You will have to forgive me in that it has been a while since I've read posts regarding your SO...but you seem like such a reasonable, evolved, down to earth soul...I can't imagine you starting a relationship with a "child adoption". Does your partner give as much as she takes? I'm hoping for yin/yang...not yin/custody agreement.
    I'm just looking one person that is in an equal partnership with an ENFP...where that ENFP brings more to the table than being a fucking trophy or Brat or both.
    starry we are on the same quest. This is always my problem or they love the sparkle initially and then attempt to control me or kill the sparkle so no one else can see it.
    i just want a partnership that's all.
    coming together with someone who hears the same tune I do but maybe I hear the percussions and he hears the string section but we are looking st the same music sheet and complimenting each other, valuing what we bring to the melody, I'm not trying to drown him out he's not trying to play over me.

    i like fucking sparkling , I want someone who says look at that damn burst of star dust and smiles.
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  5. #15
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Well, statistically NFs prefer other NFs in general, however I found it odd that ESTJs and INFJ pairings lasted the longest. That's the opposite of what I would have thought. But it makes me wonder about the accuracy of the studies.

    link: MBTI Relationship Survey - Relationship Statistics - man42 blog

    another one:

    PARTNER SATISFACTION AS MEASURED BY THE MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR
    by Nancy S. Marioles, Ph.D.

    St. Mary's University researchers, headed by psychologist Nancy S.Marioles, Ph.D asked 426 married and pre married couples to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator which measures peoples preferences on how they relate to the world. The authors then compared each type with each spouses' marital satisfaction. A person can have four different types that determine how they deal with the world.

    One can be either extroverted or introverted. Extroverted people prefer to relate to people in the outer world rather relating to the inner world of ideas which Introverted people prefer. A Sensing person likes to have known facts to make decisions whereas an iNtuitive person prefers to look for possibilities and relationships that aren't apparent to make decisions. Thinking types like to base their judgments on interpersonal analysis and logic, and Feeling types like to base their judgments more on personal values. Finally, Judging types like a planned, decided and orderly way of life compared to Perceiving types who like a flexible, spontaneous way of life.

    The couples were monitored over a seven-year period to determine marital behavior and predictors of satisfaction and divorce. The authors examined how many times each person was married, the length of the marriage, changes of marital status and sources of marital satisfaction and irritation.

    The couples, said Dr. Marioles, were most satisfied in their marriage if they both could confide in their mate, share outside interests, calmly discuss and exchange ideas. Premarital couples needed to satisfy those areas plus be able to plan together, question each other and kiss each other.

    The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women. These two types of men, said the authors, were also the two types who had been married the most often.Men who were INFPs, INFJs and INTPs most often married a female with the same psychological type. Women, on the other hand, who were ENFJs and INFJs married men with the same type.

    The researchers also found that female feeling types (mostly ESFJs) were married the longest and that female thinking types (mostly INTP) were married the fewest number of years. Perceiving types were more likely to have divorced than judging types. Extroverts tended to be more satisfied with their relationships than Introverts which didn't take into account their length of marriage or how many times they had been married.

    "Our research and the overall trend," said Dr. Marioles,"supports the likelihood that people are more likely to be attracted to and marry someone of the same type then they are a person of the opposite type."

    Women were dissatisfied with the marriage most often (33 percent) when they were married to a man who was an INTP; 31 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an INFP; and 22 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an ISFP. Only 13 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFJ and 12 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFP.
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  6. #16
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    I'm just looking one person that is in an equal partnership with an ENFP...where that ENFP brings more to the table than being a fucking trophy or Brat or both.
    starry we are on the same quest. This is always my problem or they love the sparkle initially and then attempt to control me or kill the sparkle so no one else can see it.
    i just want a partnership that's all.
    coming together with someone who hears the same tune I do but maybe I hear the percussions and he hears the string section but we are looking st the same music sheet and complimenting each other, valuing what we bring to the melody, I'm not trying to drown him out he's not trying to play over me.

    i like fucking sparkling , I want someone who says look at that damn burst of star dust and smiles.

    I used to like fucking sparkling too. But there's only so many times a person can endure attempts to snuff their sparkle by someone claiming to love them prior to becoming a blow-torch.

    I want someone who says look at that damn burst of molotov cocktail and doesn't run for their lives as well they should.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.
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  7. #17
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    I'm just looking one person that is in an equal partnership with an ENFP...where that ENFP brings more to the table than being a fucking trophy or Brat or both.
    starry we are on the same quest. This is always my problem or they love the sparkle initially and then attempt to control me or kill the sparkle so no one else can see it.
    i just want a partnership that's all.
    coming together with someone who hears the same tune I do but maybe I hear the percussions and he hears the string section but we are looking st the same music sheet and complimenting each other, valuing what we bring to the melody, I'm not trying to drown him out he's not trying to play over me.

    i like fucking sparkling , I want someone who says look at that damn burst of star dust and smiles.

    Whoops... I've been bitching about how all the young ENFPs can't get the support they need and then all I did was provide you a glimpse into the future nightmare ahead of you haha.



    I worked in a department that...due to its nature...has a high concentration of IxTx males. <-So, here I'm working on a daily basis with the types our type is naturally drawn to for relationships. And it was these male coworkers that unintentionally taught me something huge with regards to this romantic dynamic that still pisses me off super massively haha. This played a definite roll in becoming an angry blow-torch and I want to try and pass along the lesson.

    Every time a disgruntled "customer" came into the department...who do you think was always made to go and sparkle the problem away? I was okay with this at first and took personal pride in being able to handle anyone...no matter how clinically insane with frustration they were. I had a track record of 100% They came in wanting heads to roll...they left happy. And most often I wasn't even able to change what they were flipping out about.

    It wasn't until a day we were all together in the conference room and an angry "customer" came in did I learn the truth of it all. My coworkers started calling for Starry in spite of the fact I was right there...and so I get up and start heading out to door until I hear one of these IxTx's bastards saying to someone else "Yah we always send Starry because dealing with these guys is easy for her..." "I'm sorry...what did you just say?"

    *molotov cocktail*


    Yah so apparently a decent sized group of above average intelligence IxTx men all concluded that sparkling a furious customer off a ledge is just as easy for me as sparkling a group of slightly intoxicated friends into a lively conversation around a campfire. wtf? An argument broke out in the conference room that morning... This wasn't just an "easier for me than it was for them" kind of thing...they had literally ZERO appreciation for what goes into turning someone's attitude and intention around like that. All that time I had been thinking that they were sending me out because I had a gift that I developed and wielded like sword... <-Fuck no fucking idiots. They thought these problems magically went away because I said a couple of nice things...easy peasy...it was nothing for me if I even knew what I was doing when I was doing it.


    ^^sit with that for a moment young ENFP I need to return. I'm proud of you for really thinking about this.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.
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  8. #18
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Starry;2856962]Whoops... I've been bitching about how all the young ENFPs can't get the support they need and then all I did was provide you a glimpse into the future nightmare ahead of you haha. I worked in a department that...due to its nature...has a high concentration of IxTx males. <-So, here I'm working on a daily basis with the types our type is naturally drawn to for relationships. And it was these male coworkers that unintentionally taught me something huge with regards to this romantic dynamic that still pisses me off super massively haha. This played a definite roll in becoming an angry blow-torch and I want to try and pass along the lesson. Every time a disgruntled "customer" came into the department...who do you think was always made to go and sparkle the problem away? I was okay with this at first and took personal pride in being able to handle anyone...no matter how clinically insane with frustration they were. I had a track record of 100% They came in wanting heads to roll...they left happy. And most often I wasn't even able to change what they were flipping out about. It wasn't until a day we were all together in the conference room and an angry "customer" came in did I learn the truth of it all. My coworkers started calling for Starry in spite of the fact I was right there...and so I get up and start heading out to door until I hear one of these IxTx's bastards saying to someone else "Yah we always send Starry because dealing with these guys is easy for her..." "I'm sorry...what did you just say?" *molotov cocktail* Yah so apparently a decent sized group of above average intelligence IxTx men all concluded that sparkling a furious customer off a ledge is just as easy for me as sparkling a group of slightly intoxicated friends into a lively conversation around a campfire. wtf? An argument broke out in the conference room that morning... This wasn't just an "easier for me than it was for them" kind of thing...they had literally ZERO appreciation for what goes into turning someone's attitude and intention around like that. All that time I had been thinking that they were sending me out because I had a gift that I developed and wielded like sword...
    i have had too many experiences like this to list. You hit the nail on the head with
    "they had literally ZERO appreciation for what goes into turning someone's attitude and intention around like that. All that time I had been thinking that they were sending me out because I had a gift that I developed and wielded like sword."..
    i have realized this is Because they are not aware of all the calculating/ analyzing on an emotional feeling level it takes to do that kind of work. Reading and anticipating a persons response, gauging what they need when sometimes they aren't even conscious/aware of what they need.
    for me it's always the Same in a relationship, I am consistently anticipating the need of my partner making things subconsciously comfortable for them, molding myself to their needs until I realize I'm not even sparking anymore, I'm just accommodating and they are allowing me too/ taking advantage of me, until the glasses come off I'm disappointed and decide to move on, they (be it the job / person) become frantic trying to recover but I've moved on and I very rarely look back after becoming disillusioned.
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  9. #19
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Whoops... I've been bitching about how all the young ENFPs can't get the support they need and then all I did was provide you a glimpse into the future nightmare ahead of you haha. I worked in a department that...due to its nature...has a high concentration of IxTx males. <-So, here I'm working on a daily basis with the types our type is naturally drawn to for relationships. And it was these male coworkers that unintentionally taught me something huge with regards to this romantic dynamic that still pisses me off super massively haha. This played a definite roll in becoming an angry blow-torch and I want to try and pass along the lesson. Every time a disgruntled "customer" came into the department...who do you think was always made to go and sparkle the problem away? I was okay with this at first and took personal pride in being able to handle anyone...no matter how clinically insane with frustration they were. I had a track record of 100% They came in wanting heads to roll...they left happy. And most often I wasn't even able to change what they were flipping out about. It wasn't until a day we were all together in the conference room and an angry "customer" came in did I learn the truth of it all. My coworkers started calling for Starry in spite of the fact I was right there...and so I get up and start heading out to door until I hear one of these IxTx's bastards saying to someone else "Yah we always send Starry because dealing with these guys is easy for her..." "I'm sorry...what did you just say?" *molotov cocktail* Yah so apparently a decent sized group of above average intelligence IxTx men all concluded that sparkling a furious customer off a ledge is just as easy for me as sparkling a group of slightly intoxicated friends into a lively conversation around a campfire. wtf? An argument broke out in the conference room that morning... This wasn't just an "easier for me than it was for them" kind of thing...they had literally ZERO appreciation for what goes into turning someone's attitude and intention around like that. All that time I had been thinking that they were sending me out because I had a gift that I developed and wielded like sword...
    i have had too many experiences like this to list. You hit the nail on the head with
    "they had literally ZERO appreciation for what goes into turning someone's attitude and intention around like that. All that time I had been thinking that they were sending me out because I had a gift that I developed and wielded like sword."..

    i have realized this is Because they are not aware of all the calculating/ analyzing on an emotional feeling level it takes to do that kind of work. Reading and anticipating a persons response, gauging what they need when sometimes they aren't even conscious/aware of what they need.
    for me it's always the Same in a relationship, I am consistently anticipating the need of my partner making things subconsciously comfortable for them, molding myself to their needs until I realize I'm not even sparking anymore, I'm just accommodating and they are allowing me too/ taking advantage of me, until the glasses come off I'm disappointed and decide to move on, they (be it the job / person) become frantic trying to recover but I've moved on and I very rarely look back after becoming disillusioned.

    Did I say it was okay for you to know all of this stuff already when I only just recently figured it all out? haha (your rep haha - that was awesome.)

    Umm so yah...see how I helped you learn this more. In the story I just shared it was even worse than I got around to expressing. My coworkers... they were even making it seem in a weird way like they were somehow doing me a favor allowing me to handle all these nightmare situations. As plain as day I can see in my mind right now one of my coworkers say to me "but you always seem so happy when you are talking to these people..." You have got to be fucking kidding me dude. Ah yah...*surprise* that's one of the things that makes this kind of work so difficult...because regardless of how I actually feel...I need to call on all the joy in the universe to uphold me while I maintain a state of genuine concern and human connectedness with someone ready to do battle.

    If you act happy...you are happy. If you act happy in no way are you exerting yourself in a meaningful way or doing something with thought or purpose that has great value. So much of what we do goes unnoticed I think.


    I would run a million miles away from some dude that only appreciated the sparkle I no longer have.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

  10. #20
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Did I say it was okay for you to know all of this stuff already when I only just recently figured it all out? haha (your rep haha - that was awesome.) Umm so yah...see how I helped you learn this more. In the story I just shared it was even worse than I got around to expressing. My coworkers... they were even making it seem in a weird way like they were somehow doing me a favor allowing me to handle all these nightmare situations. As plain as day I can see in my mind right now one of my coworkers say to me "but you always seem so happy when you are talking to these people..." You have got to be fucking kidding me dude. Ah yah...*surprise* that's one of the things that makes this kind of work so difficult...because regardless of how I actually feel...I need to call on all the joy in the universe to uphold me while I maintain a state of genuine concern and human connectedness with someone ready to do battle. If you act happy...you are happy. If you act happy in no way are you exerting yourself in a meaningful way or doing something with thought or purpose that has great value. So much of what we do goes unnoticed I think. I would run a million miles away from some dude that only appreciated the sparkle I no longer have.
    "If you act happy...you are happy. If you act happy in no way are you exerting yourself in a meaningful way or doing something with thought or purpose that has great value. So much of what we do goes unnoticed I think"
    ^^^ This..also people automatically think your always Just's miss ducking sunshine, and when you need to recharge they ask "what's wrong?" "Your not yourself" they have no idea how Much energy is needed to light up the room and how exausting it can be to feed sparkle dust to other people. It's like people feel like your letting them down if your not lighting shit up.
    But I will tell you when I am lighting up a room or my sparkle is on full blast, I feel like no one is as alive in that moment as I am.
    the only thing I've ever attracted to myself is moths, people who are drawn to the sparkle instinctually but end up not knowing what to do with it when they encounter it, and trying to change that, oh and to sparkle just for me not for everyone else's "amusement" as they seem to think we are the entertainment. I'm not obligated to make your experience a positive one. ☄️🌟✨
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