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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP interested?

    I have an ENFP friend that I have known for a few years. Although I have known him through friends we never really talked much.

    It was sort of odd because I noticed when we were together he would constantly say my name for no reason. Suddenly toward the end of last year he friended me on both of my social media accounts. One night I had posted about feeling lonely and he messaged me. Sending me some very comforting messages and giving me his number. We had some very deep conversations over the next month and a half and hung out some.

    He asked what my type was once but guessed ENFJ before I could answer. I hadn't taken the test in years and had honestly forgotten. When I took it this time it said ENFJ but with no particular leaning toward E vs. I. However, when I read discriptions of INFJ I feel like I'm reading about myself.

    I was attracted to him very quickly. A mutual friend told me that she knew if he were interested he wouldn't admit it. I ended up admitting to him that I was interested but he told me he had never thought about me like that. He said he was sorry if he had misled me and seemed genuinely concerned over my feelings at that point. I backed off for a while. After maybe a month we started hanging out some again in groups.

    Another mutual friend and I were planning on going to a festival that was a few hours away. I invited him and he made arrangements to come. It ended up being a 14 hour day. He offered to buy us coffee and actually did buy me dinner at the end of the day. Although it was late and we had been out so long he still invited us to hang out at his house. He mentioned love languages and said his was physical touch. I already knew mine would probably be the same. The test confirmed it at which point he actually suggested the 3 of us sit in a circle and give back massage (didn't happen though)

    I had also invited several friends to karaoke one night. He came and rented a pool table. As big as the place was he literally stood so close to me that we were arm to arm.

    Recently he has been going out of his way to be around me more. He asked a friend if I could come and watch a movie with them. There was another couple there plus another girl that is pretty much like a sister to him. Before the movie he was looking at the hosts anatomy book and looked directly at me and told me he has actually studied up on the female cycle. I thought it was endearing. We all got put out of out friends house at about 9:30pm so they could go to bed. After that he invited me and his best guy friend over to his house. He fixed us something to eat and told us to make ourselves at home.

    As far as the physical contact thing he is often changing his seat so he can sit next to me. Even if it means being smushed in the middle of the back seat of a car. We were even on a country road and he seemed to enjoy it when I playfully leaned into him when going around a curve. He also lingers around me when we are about to part ways. I'm almost positive he is hoping for a hug. He had never initiated one and I try not to seem creepy by doing it all the time (although I asked, and he says I've never made him feel uncomfortable with my hugs)

    This past week we spent 4 days in a row together. He has been asking me a lot of questions and often even asks me if I think his behavior was acceptable in a certain situation. Like if what he said was inappropriate or if he shouldn't have played that weird video, or if the movie he chose was ok.. And even if his response to being tickled was bad (high pitched scream).

    I tend to flirt with him some and he seems to enjoy it. Like me giving him a Hershey kiss and telling him not to tell anybody that I "gave him a kiss". He has also been making a lot of eye contact. Sometimes one of us will say something while we are sitting next to eachother and he will look at me out of the corner of his eye and grin all big. When we are talking he will just look at me all intently. He even realized Sunday that I wasn't feeling good.. I told him I was ok. And he started asking me if I enjoyed all the the things we had done the day before. I was also talking about riding motorcycles and he seemed interested in going. And when I mentioned having water skis he said he wanted to try it(finding reasons to be together?)

    He has also started complimenting me suddenly. From my socks, to my shoes and my shirt..

    It is to the point where people are asking a mutual friend if we have something going on between us. Whether or not he realizes it I feel like we have pretty intense chemistry. He can tell a cheesy joke that I have never heard and I somehow know the punchline. I can also look at him and know when he is anxious or worried and he can look at me and know when I don't feel good.

    I'm trying not to get my hopes up after what happened before but I feel like things are changing between us. Does it sound like he is interested?

    Sorry for being long winded. I look forward to getting some input.
    BTW, he is 12 years my senior if it makes a difference.

  2. #2
    Awake Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sl125 View Post
    I have an ENFP friend that I have known for a few years. Although I have known him through friends we never really talked much.

    It was sort of odd because I noticed when we were together he would constantly say my name for no reason. Suddenly toward the end of last year he friended me on both of my social media accounts. One night I had posted about feeling lonely and he messaged me. Sending me some very comforting messages and giving me his number. We had some very deep conversations over the next month and a half and hung out some.

    He asked what my type was once but guessed ENFJ before I could answer. I hadn't taken the test in years and had honestly forgotten. When I took it this time it said ENFJ but with no particular leaning toward E vs. I. However, when I read discriptions of INFJ I feel like I'm reading about myself.

    I was attracted to him very quickly. A mutual friend told me that she knew if he were interested he wouldn't admit it. I ended up admitting to him that I was interested but he told me he had never thought about me like that. He said he was sorry if he had misled me and seemed genuinely concerned over my feelings at that point. I backed off for a while. After maybe a month we started hanging out some again in groups.

    Another mutual friend and I were planning on going to a festival that was a few hours away. I invited him and he made arrangements to come. It ended up being a 14 hour day. He offered to buy us coffee and actually did buy me dinner at the end of the day. Although it was late and we had been out so long he still invited us to hang out at his house. He mentioned love languages and said his was physical touch. I already knew mine would probably be the same. The test confirmed it at which point he actually suggested the 3 of us sit in a circle and give back massage (didn't happen though)

    I had also invited several friends to karaoke one night. He came and rented a pool table. As big as the place was he literally stood so close to me that we were arm to arm.

    Recently he has been going out of his way to be around me more. He asked a friend if I could come and watch a movie with them. There was another couple there plus another girl that is pretty much like a sister to him. Before the movie he was looking at the hosts anatomy book and looked directly at me and told me he has actually studied up on the female cycle. I thought it was endearing. We all got put out of out friends house at about 9:30pm so they could go to bed. After that he invited me and his best guy friend over to his house. He fixed us something to eat and told us to make ourselves at home.

    As far as the physical contact thing he is often changing his seat so he can sit next to me. Even if it means being smushed in the middle of the back seat of a car. We were even on a country road and he seemed to enjoy it when I playfully leaned into him when going around a curve. He also lingers around me when we are about to part ways. I'm almost positive he is hoping for a hug. He had never initiated one and I try not to seem creepy by doing it all the time (although I asked, and he says I've never made him feel uncomfortable with my hugs)

    This past week we spent 4 days in a row together. He has been asking me a lot of questions and often even asks me if I think his behavior was acceptable in a certain situation. Like if what he said was inappropriate or if he shouldn't have played that weird video, or if the movie he chose was ok.. And even if his response to being tickled was bad (high pitched scream).

    I tend to flirt with him some and he seems to enjoy it. Like me giving him a Hershey kiss and telling him not to tell anybody that I "gave him a kiss". He has also been making a lot of eye contact. Sometimes one of us will say something while we are sitting next to eachother and he will look at me out of the corner of his eye and grin all big. When we are talking he will just look at me all intently. He even realized Sunday that I wasn't feeling good.. I told him I was ok. And he started asking me if I enjoyed all the the things we had done the day before. I was also talking about riding motorcycles and he seemed interested in going. And when I mentioned having water skis he said he wanted to try it(finding reasons to be together?)

    He has also started complimenting me suddenly. From my socks, to my shoes and my shirt..

    It is to the point where people are asking a mutual friend if we have something going on between us. Whether or not he realizes it I feel like we have pretty intense chemistry. He can tell a cheesy joke that I have never heard and I somehow know the punchline. I can also look at him and know when he is anxious or worried and he can look at me and know when I don't feel good.

    I'm trying not to get my hopes up after what happened before but I feel like things are changing between us. Does it sound like he is interested?

    Sorry for being long winded. I look forward to getting some input.
    BTW, he is 12 years my senior if it makes a difference.


    Yes, it sounds as if he is interested.
    Walk first through the fire.


    *Currently participating in the "No Likes" experiment.

  3. #3
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    He sounds like he's playing some kind of head game. I don't know your age but if you're under 25, him being 12 years older just reinforces the skeez factor.

    Does he just prod you for info? Or does he share intimate things about himself? That's what is suspect. The questions he asks you are intimate. Too intimate for someone who explicitly said they were not interested. Therfore, it should be off limits.

    Because....why else would he say he isn't interested then play with suggestiveness? It's not normal. It's like he's chumming the waters but not casting his line...yet.

    I mean, you could be reading too much into things, that is also an option but it doesn't sound like it.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    He sounds like he's playing some kind of head game. I don't know your age but if you're under 25, him being 12 years older just reinforces the skeez factor. Does he just prod you for info? Or does he share intimate things about himself? That's what is suspect. The questions he asks you are intimate. Too intimate for someone who explicitly said they were not interested. Therfore, it should be off limits. Because....why else would he say he isn't interested then play with suggestiveness? It's not normal. It's like he's chumming the waters but not casting his line...yet. I mean, you could be reading too much into things, that is also an option but it doesn't sound like it.
    I am one year below your skeez mark. However due to the many difficulties I have faced in my lifetime I have always been told that I am very mature. He is also right in my preferred age range.
    He doesn't just prod. He has willingly talked about difficulties in his own childhood, a past fear of women, His love for music, language (we are hoping to take a language class with friends to become missionaries of sorts)and his big plans for space travel in the future.. just to name a few things.
    I could be wrong... But the thing that has changed is that I literally only saw him two or three times a year before. Not often at all. I look back and admit it was crazy of me to jump in so quickly once we started talking.. But now we end up around each other at least once a week. If not multiple times a week. So that being the case I would guess maybe his feelings Have changed because he is actually getting to know me?

  5. #5
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sl125 View Post
    I am one year below your skeez mark. However due to the many difficulties I have faced in my lifetime I have always been told that I am very mature. He is also right in my preferred age range.
    He doesn't just prod. He has willingly talked about difficulties in his own childhood, a past fear of women, His love for music, language (we are hoping to take a language class with friends to become missionaries of sorts)and his big plans for space travel in the future.. just to name a few things.
    I could be wrong... But the thing that has changed is that I literally only saw him two or three times a year before. Not often at all. I look back and admit it was crazy of me to jump in so quickly once we started talking.. But now we end up around each other at least once a week. If not multiple times a week. So that being the case I would guess maybe his feelings Have changed because he is actually getting to know me?
    It's not really about maturity. That's the rationale that young, hard-lived people tell themselves to think these things are on level playing fields. Can't blame them. But I've been there and I was the type that just had to learn the hard way. Life experience by years alone, gives another sort of insight and advantage that usually trumps whatever equilibrium you think you have bestowed upon you by a hard knock life.

    I could be totally wrong. I don't know you or him. But I am very wary of those that would project a fascination with me on an intimate level, but reject admission of feeling at the same time. Some part of that is provably disingenuous.

    Adding in his more advanced years? This behavior is even more suspect as he is certainly not naive.

    If something has changed, could be. I would approach the subject again and see if anything has changed. If so, great. If not, I would stay clear.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance
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  6. #6
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    I suppose I will give it a little more time and see how it plays out first before I ask for a reevaluation. I will probably be seeing him tomorrow and Sunday again.
    I don't know about naive... But the way a mutual friend talks it sounds as if he has never been in a relationship. But neither have I. It isn't unusual because we and our friends all share the belief that you do not date until you are ready to marry. Dating is viewed pretty seriously and most only see one or two people before finding a lifelong mate.

  7. #7
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    I agree with MPD2525. If I liked someone but kept quiet about it and then she admitted to me that she felt the same I certainly wouldn't reject the idea of a deeper relationship and then exhibit signs of being interested afterwards. Very strange behavior for a man in his thirties.
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  8. #8
    Member Yay's Avatar
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    It sounds like he enjoys flirting and the attention that comes along with it, but he isn't interested in moving anything further or starting a relationship with you. It seems like he's somewhat playing games, like what MDP said, " I could be totally wrong. I don't know you or him. But I am very wary of those that would project a fascination with me on an intimate level, but reject admission of feeling at the same time. Some part of that is provably disingenuous. "

    That's exactly what i'm trying to say- I think him showing you one thing and then not being able to live up to it is misleading, and unfair to you.

  9. #9
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    It just reads all mixed messages. He may have reasons and be into you in some ways and then think it over and worry about other things like age gaps and etc. Idk, you want him to tell you, he seems like he wants you to do all the chasing without and certainty or where it's heading. It's also possible that he is falling for you and doesn't like being pushed. Hard to say.

    I think what's more important is weather you can handle things the way they are if they just stay this way and with the possibility of him moving on to another fascination.

    Honestly I ended up being in relationships I didn't want to be in just because I was so interested in someone and felt it was unfair to expect them to just be ok with that and nothing romantic, although those were before I really developed my sense of self when a lot younger.

    what to do, try not to focus on it.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"
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  10. #10
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    I think he friend zoned me. He did some really sweet stuff that made me think it was going somewhere but text to say that he didn't want to hurt anybody and wanted to know if he was being too nice. He said that he has hurt people before by being himself. It leaves me sort of confused though because I had recently began to notice that his pupils were dilated when we were talking and he had started touching me on the arm more frequently in conversation. I have a feeling that a couple of mutual friends started picking on him and it scared him.
    Thankfully we are still cool though. He says we are comfortable and he has been trying to help me find a job and housing near by.
    Oh well.

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