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  1. #11
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sl125 View Post
    I think he friend zoned me. He did some really sweet stuff that made me think it was going somewhere but text to say that he didn't want to hurt anybody and wanted to know if he was being too nice. He said that he has hurt people before by being himself. It leaves me sort of confused though because I had recently began to notice that his pupils were dilated when we were talking and he had started touching me on the arm more frequently in conversation. I have a feeling that a couple of mutual friends started picking on him and it scared him.
    Thankfully we are still cool though. He says we are comfortable and he has been trying to help me find a job and housing near by.
    Oh well.
    People tell you who they are. Listen to who he is telling you he is and believe it.

    "He said he has hurt people before by being himself."

    That denotes to me that he hurt someone badly enough to be haunted over it when he was being who he really is - as opposed to whatever side of himself he is showing you. He is saying that he has two sides of himself and the other side is trouble.

    He's telling you essentially that he is broken. Do you want a broken man? Or are you already thinking you can "fix" that? Maybe the last person who he hurt tried to fix him too. Just saying.

    If he leans on you, please tell him to see a counselor. You aren't just friends - friends are objective. You have expressed feelings, so your objectiveness is compromised.

    It sounds like you are also very religious. I come from this background as well. Please know that due to whatever purity of heart you believe in, others who say they believe themselves may be just as harmful.
    ----

    Find a man who tells you he is interested in you. Who doesn't play hide-and-seek with his emotions, affection or pain.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  2. #12
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    I've never had any thoughts about "fixing" him. I see flaws but he is such a beautiful person as he stands.

    He's been sharing with me much more recently. We were with another friend talking about life and he says that he feels like he is finally ready to date and asked our experianced friend how it works. Also talking about having kids and his struggle with his view of himself.

    He's bought me coffee more than once recently and shares his beer and food with me. We were also both invited to have dinner with some friends. He wanted to play a game with everyone but we had too many players. I didn't know how to play so someone suggested we team up... He playfully said "no, I will just distract her".. But we ended up laying in the floor next to eachother and worked together on the game (won!).
    He tries to be where I am more and more recently. And this ESP thing between us is so freaky.. One of us will say something that the other was about to.. And Sunday as soon as I was thinking i wanted coffee he asked if I wanted some.
    He's also said more than once that age is nothing but a number, even when I told a story about a 90 year old woman crushing on a 30 year old man. So I don't know... I'm still sort of holding out hope. Especially since he is now deciding he is ready for a relationship.
    A few weeks ago we went on a late night walk with a mutual friend. Our friend fell way behind. But it was so nice walking side by side while getting ponder over the beauty of the full moon and fireflies while hearing the crickets chirp. I love him. I'm just afraid of how he would react if I said it. We were in the back seat of a friends car Saturday and he said something about my crazy family.. then he apologized. I told him not to.. because it was true.. I qouted something he said before about love covering a multitude of messes.. I told him not only does it do that but love also covers a multitude of sin...Thats as close as I've gotten to telling him.

    Hes just so adorable. Earlier that day he was driving. We were tired and waiting for friends in the car. He laid his seat back and closed his eyes. I was looking at him and grinning. He opened one eye a few times and looked at me. He said "thats not how it works!", being playful.
    He labeled as an Ocampa as far as my Star Trek race... Someone who is clueless as to their real potential.

  3. #13
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    First of all, I don't want you to think too much about it. He's responsible for his own feelings, and his own behavior. He seems confused about what he really wants, or confused about how he can get it.
    Second of ll, it's not rocket science. If I'm sure I like a woman, I'll look at her straight into her eyes, and with undaunted confidence about my feelings, I'll let her know to consolidate my interest.
    It's really that simple.

    Maybe you're hoping that he musters the courage to say it outwardly and claim you. The key here, is to stop expecting anything and be your normal self.
    Otherwise, if you think he's so adorable, so fluffy, just offer him a teddy bear, some chocolate and flowers, and serenade him. That will spare you the psychological tremors of overthinking, and save him the burden of manning up.

    You may kiss the groom.

  4. #14
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrophagus View Post
    First of all, I don't want you to think too much about it. He's responsible for his own feelings, and his own behavior. He seems confused about what he really wants, or confused about how he can get it.
    Second of ll, it's not rocket science. If I'm sure I like a woman, I'll look at her straight into her eyes, and with undaunted confidence about my feelings, I'll let her know to consolidate my interest.
    It's really that simple.
    Yup

    Maybe you're hoping that he musters the courage to say it outwardly and claim you. The key here, is to stop expecting anything and be your normal self.
    Otherwise, if you think he's so adorable, so fluffy, just offer him a teddy bear, some chocolate and flowers, and serenade him. That will spare you the psychological tremors of overthinking, and save him the burden of manning up.

    You may kiss the groom.
    Well, that would work on a teen virgin - maybe. Puberty helps combat cooties. It's what brings boys to men. (Talking hetero here) Turns apprehension to curiosity/desire. Doubt he is still at cootie stage. That's the point. He isn't innocent by his admissions of "hurting" people in his past. How is he supposed to "claim" her making excuses on both sexual and emotional fronts? How can he be innocent and guilty at the same time? He's shallow fishing and slow playing and OP is windex clear with her attractions and rated G flirtations.

    He knows she's innocent...I mean, come on. Even more reason to have higher standards and show definitive intent. Dude is in his 30's. His sh*t stinks.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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