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  1. #1
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Default Enfp dating a Estp and an Istp

    Hi
    so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
    But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
    What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
    i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.
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  2. #2
    empress Nørrsken's Avatar
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    I mean, any two types could theoretically work things out if they check everything else out in terms of the overall compatibility, but for the most part, the ENFP's natural partners are the INTJs for a pretty good reason.
    It sounds like these two men are ill suited for you, in general, and not just because they're xSTP types. I mean, have fun with them if you want, just don't expect anything long term of out it.
    I'll follow her into the depths
    I'll find warmth in the steel of her glare
    I'll hear music in the darkness of her silence
    Don't leave me there.

  3. #3
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    Hi
    so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
    But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
    What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
    i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.

    I hope it's ok to ask this...how do you *date* two people? Don't get me wrong...I can multi-task to the point of all beginnings and no ends...so im a multi-tasking pro is what I'm saying. But I must be too NF-to-the-Jane-Austin because yah this would surely kill me. Even if I wasn't in love and had no intention of allowing myself to go there. Help me feel even more like a grossly romantic prude....

  4. #4
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abcdenfp View Post
    Hi
    so here's the thing, I am a female enfp and I have been seeing two males that are so different and yet I felt like they were oddly similar, it's really the istps fault that I made them take the test because I just could not get inside his head/heart and with him I have the ability to be an emotional mess as he does the hot and cold thing which sends me into a spiral. however I enjoy every aspect of our time physically together we are silly, laugh and the chemistry ( I know , I know we all know) is crazy. We are in constant communication and he loves to share any activity he does with me and I love to listen, for someone that people say is quite and reserved he talks a lot and I for once, just enjoy listening watching his mind work.
    But my Estp on the other hand is so loud and the life of the party when we go out people usually crowd around us, but in down time there is none of that silly cuddly fun stuff or sharing any parts of what makes him enjoy something. He needs my constant attention and can feel clingy at times which makes me with draw and miss my istp ughh.
    What are the chances I would date the two spectrums of stp and I realize that I'm too feely for the two of them actually, I'm too sexually freaky for the estp and I'm too let's cuddle and talk with my istp ( I said to him let's lay like broccoli and share feelings.. his reply let's just lay like broccoli lol)
    i know I need to really just dump them both but just wanted to share my experience as the more I've delved into personality types the more fascinating I've found The Whole experience.
    Sounds right. I have a estp friend who says I'm a female version of him. Maybe he's a male version of me. Who knows. But there is similarity when it comes down to it. But my phone doesn't ring as much, nor would I want it to and estps like a certain kind of drama. Make no mistake. Good luck. Have fun.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  5. #5
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Sounds right. I have a estp friend who says I'm a female version of him. Maybe he's a male version of me. Who knows. But there is similarity when it comes down to it. But my phone doesn't ring as much, nor would I want it to and estps like a certain kind of drama. Make no mistake. Good luck. Have fun.
    The estp is definitely like a male version of me, and I will totally agree that they do like a certain kind of drama where as my istp hates it and I find that calming, the only drama that ever comes up is of my own making with him.

  6. #6
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I hope it's ok to ask this...how do you *date* two people? Don't get me wrong...I can multi-task to the point of all beginnings and no ends...so im a multi-tasking pro is what I'm saying. But I must be too NF-to-the-Jane-Austin because yah this would surely kill me. Even if I wasn't in love and had no intention of allowing myself to go there. Help me feel even more like a grossly romantic prude....
    Lol you know what's so strange I have always been able to multi task when it comes to dating, it's like I will subconsciously seek out another person to fill in the gap where the other person is lacking. I can enjoy them separately. I think also because I have this "soul mate" enfp quest going on which is really annoying I will become disillusioned when I realize that someone doesn't tick off all the boxes in my mind. But I have a hard time ending things. Weird. I don't know if that helps explain? I'm a sexually liberal person that may help explain?
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  7. #7
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Let me explain that better,
    the estp is extremely similar to me in the way that he likes being around people and socializing but he socializes very differently, if we are at a party and someone starts a conversation about philosophy or any form of debate I am all over it and usually at the center of that conversation , he is also at the center of something exploding or daring someone to do something crazy either way everyone's entertained. However he will get worked up that I am emmersed in the debates which he finds boring and that I am not watching him do something "cool". Drama ensues.

    The istp is totally different in that he's like have a good time at that I'll be here building rediculously detailed spreadsheets and msg me when you want to comeover and get tied to a bed.

  8. #8
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    And they re ok with you dating someone else at the same time?
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

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  9. #9
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    And they re ok with you dating someone else at the same time?
    I wouldn't expect to be the only person another is seeing if it's still in the realm of casual dating. Which, is what this sounds like. Exclusivity = relationship. If that exclusivity is assumed then there's gonna be bad times. Still, if it was important to these men, or to her, I think the one who is most concerned about that desire to be exclusive, would be the one to broach the subject.

    If they haven't discussed it, they probably aren't ready for it atm. If they've assumed it, they have been foolish. If she has lied, then that's OP's wrong.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  10. #10
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I wouldn't expect to be the only person another is seeing if it's still in the realm of casual dating. Which, is what this sounds like. Exclusivity = relationship. If that exclusivity is assumed then there's gonna be bad times. Still, if it was important to these men, or to her, I think the one who is most concerned about that desire to be exclusive, would be the one to broach the subject. If they haven't discussed it, they probably aren't ready for it atm. If they've assumed it, they have been foolish. If she has lied, then that's OP's wrong.
    It definitely isn't exclusive and they are both aware of that, no one has gotten that serious as yet and the istp seems relieved I haven't asked for a "title" the estp will ask every now and then , sulk and decide that he still happy to see me.
    I think I've just realized that the missing part of the equation with both of them is the feeling aspect and so that's why both relationships are lacking and so I'm not prepared to be serious with either.
    I also have realized I like I vs E in a relationship but I think ultimately I need the touchey feely bits with some sexual experimental aspects. Going out and being the life of the party isn't really what im about anymore. But I would like to stay up late at night talking about my feelings and life in general and neither on of these can do that.

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