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Thread: INTJ+INTP

  1. #1

    Default INTJ+INTP

    What are your thoughts on this pairing? Female INTP with male INTJ. Given the natural tendencies of these types to be less demonstrative with emotions and strongly introverted, how might a relationship get off the ground and progress? How does each type fall in love?

  2. #2
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Well - I've been married to an INTP for > 15 years now. The short answer is that relationships (at least ours) develop very slowly. We knew each other through participation in the same activity for over 2 years before even dating. They also develop in their own unique way, meaning very few of the usual conventions might be followed.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Well - I've been married to an INTP for > 15 years now. The short answer is that relationships (at least ours) develop very slowly. We knew each other through participation in the same activity for over 2 years before even dating. They also develop in their own unique way, meaning very few of the usual conventions might be followed.
    Thanks for your reply. If you don't mind I would like to ask questions. If something is too personal or something you'd rather not discuss, I will apologize in advance and ask that you just let me know. I am the INTP btw in case that was not apparent somehow.
    In knowing each other for a couple of years, did friendship just naturally develop that deepened into romantic attachment? Or was there romantic inclinations from the beginning that just took a while to be acted upon?
    Who took the first initiative in going from one form for relationship to the next?

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    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    Thanks for your reply. If you don't mind I would like to ask questions. If something is too personal or something you'd rather not discuss, I will apologize in advance and ask that you just let me know. I am the INTP btw in case that was not apparent somehow.
    In knowing each other for a couple of years, did friendship just naturally develop that deepened into romantic attachment? Or was there romantic inclinations from the beginning that just took a while to be acted upon?
    Who took the first initiative in going from one form for relationship to the next?
    I do not mind answering some questions. I may switch to PM if anything comes up that I prefer not to post publicly. Is there a specific INTJ you are interested in, or who perhaps is interested in you?

    My INTP and I were not so much friends as colleagues for those two years. We actually met in the church choir, with our only socializing outside rehearsal/services being the occasional choir picnic, etc. where we interacted only as part of the group. After we did start dating, I learned that he considered me a possible romantic partner long before I ever did. I was going out with someone else at that time, though, so he never approached me in that regard. Then the other guy and I broke up, and after a few months INTP started expressing some interest in me.

    I actually did my best to discourage him for several more months, as I had always considered him rather a dull guy and not someone I would have interest in. You may have heard about "INTJ testing". I subjected him to a considerable bit of it, intentionally and probably also unintentionally. I think what finally led me to give him a chance was his persistence in demonstrating a real interest in me, as a person, while being unfailingly considerate. I never felt pressured, stalked, intruded upon, etc. He was always this gentle presence reminding me that he cared, and wanted to get to know me better - no strings attached, no preconceptions, just see what happens and take things as they come. For our first "official dates", it did help that he was able to tantalize me with activities that appealed to some fairly specific and uncommon interests I have, and he shares at least in part.

    So for timelines, we knew each other for about 2 years, then dated for about 10 months, then married another 10 months later. FWIW, everyone I have ever dated has started off as a classmate or coworker/colleague of some sort. I am horrible about meeting people and would never approach anyone socially at all - romantically or otherwise. But when interacting with someone regularly in an activity like class, work, choir, etc. you can get to know them casually, even effortlessly. Some people get eliminated fairly quickly. Others are easy to work with, but no more. A few I find I hit it off with. We chat after the activity is done, perhaps get together at another time. That is how my (not that many) romantic relationships started, as well as most of my friendships.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    I never liked the idea of INTP and INTJ. Two absent minded researchers. Very boring if you ask me. I have seen this pairing one time in a fictional book I read. The two were scientists and it was clear they were INTJ and INTP couple to me.
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  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Is there a specific INTJ you are interested in, or who perhaps is interested in you?
    Thank you for you candidness and willingness to share your relationship story with me. I will try to briefly describe my situation and the reason for my questions. I am friends with a guy who I would bet my life savings on as being INTJ. If he were to take the test and come out something other than INTJ it would be the biggest shock of my life. We live in a small community, and so I've been acquainted with him for a long while. We went to the same high school although he was a couple years behind me. He moved away and came back, and we connected through family friends at get togethers and celebrations.
    To me he was just a family friend until he started initiating one to one conversations with me for several months in group settings where we'd see each other about once a month or so. I had always viewed him as just another odd computer nerd who couldn't be bothered with people all that much....not that I'm any better at peopling, but I can socialize when it's called for.
    What I discovered in him was a complex individual with many varied interests that overlapped mine in several neat areas. So we had some great conversations. Then we started texting sporadically. I've been hanging out at his residence for several months now, and we have a continuous texting routine that is consistent and has progressed from neutral topics we are both interested in to our daily lives...the mundane how's your day going, small talk kind of stuff, that I'm somehow still very interested in.

    I have grown to like him very much. If I were to be very open and transparent, it worries me how much I have integrated him into my life even as just a friend. My past relationship experiences have not been favorable, and so to see myself becoming more attached to him kinda scares me. Moreso because I cannot tell at this point if he sees me as just a close friend or as a female he could see a future with. I know the advice is to just ask him, to be direct. And that no one but him knows how he feels. But that is easier said than done. And I really value the friendship, and would hate to damage it by revealing my feelings if they are not reciprocated. I am a poor judge, and if he is signaling an interest, he's a poor signaler...as am I. I can be experiencing very strong emotions, but you'd never know. Flirting is lost on me.

    Another kink is that I'm going through a period of self-discovery and introspection right now having come across MBTI. And I finally can see that who I truly am is ok. That I'm not an inherently damaged person because of my inwardness and because I don't always react like others. So my inner picture of myself is changing. So I have quite a bit of feelings going on, and it's challenging to sort it all out and made sense of it all.
    Wow. That is quite a wall of text I just wrote! If you read through all of it, and can make heads or tails of it, thanks!
    Last edited by INTerran; 04-12-2017 at 10:50 PM. Reason: Spacing

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by great_bay View Post
    I never liked the idea of INTP and INTJ. Two absent minded researchers. Very boring if you ask me. I have seen this pairing one time in a fictional book I read. The two were scientists and it was clear they were INTJ and INTP couple to me.
    I can see where the pairing could come across that way. A couple of introverts more interested in staying home than going out might seem dull. It sounds like perfection to me though.

  8. #8
    Junior Member helbert's Avatar
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    I can share my experience with you, not sure how typical it is though.

    I'm a female INTJ who had/has a casual relationship with an INTP (I met him when I studied abroad in England, so we knew our time together would run out eventually, but I say *has* because he's coming to the U.S. to visit for a vacation). I normally struggle greatly with relationships and finding people who meet my long list of criteria, but this is the easiest time I've ever had accepting and enjoying someone. He is 7 years older, so at the maturity level I want - may be a big contributing factor. Anyway, here's how it went:

    We met on my first night in England, on New Years. My friend and I went to a party at a music club in London (I chose it specifically to meet people with my interests), and we were dancing together for a while next to this other group of people. I myself would probably never outright hit on someone or engage in conversation, but I could tell this guy next to me was looking over at me, and after a while he asked if he could by me a drink - a little surprising after getting to know him, but he is more extroverted than the typical INTP and very confident.

    We saw each other several times over the couple months I was in England and got along very well. I was really comfortable around him, didn't feel pressured to make small talk; we found out that the major I'm studying (music business) was what he had gotten his degree in, and had stimulating existential/intellectual conversations over wine, which I could tell made him very happy (and me as well). He was resilient enough to put up with my argumentativeness and criticism, and wasn't afraid to stand up to me and insult me back (which is a must for me), and we didn't feel the need to text/keep up with each other between visits. We're both serious and intellectual but also get really excited about things like arcades and puppies....Took adventures to Brighton and Windor....Overall, it felt pretty effortless.

    I really really like this dude and he really liked me too - it had most to do with our conversations I think, about having a mutual respect for each other's minds and thinking, and an unspoken agreement to give each other a lot of space. I don't think either of us needs a lot of affection or validation, so we expressed our affection mainly through spending time together and repaying favours of buying each other dinners and things like that. I think we both mainly need intellect, independence, and also excitement and progression, and had some kinky sex, drugs, and weekend excursions.

    Looking back on it, I liked that man objectively more than maybe anyone I have before, but it did take me a while to warm up to him (I didn't have a good enough chance to thoroughly observe him before we started hanging out, so I was skeptical until after maybe a month and a half) - and I think that INTJs and INTPs are a great match. I also have close friends, a female INTP and male INTJ, who have been dating for a long time and are great friends and a great couple as well. They were close for a long time before they dated which I think is more typical, so I think just getting past the initial admission of attraction is probably the hardest part.
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  9. #9
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    I can see where the pairing could come across that way. A couple of introverts more interested in staying home than going out might seem dull. It sounds like perfection to me though.
    Boring? Well, we hadn't planned on doing a standup routine on America's Got Talent, The only people we have to be interesting to are each other. Besides, the interest level is strongly dependent on what exactly we are doing while staying home.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Boring? Well, we hadn't planned on doing a standup routine on America's Got Talent, The only people we have to be interesting to are each other. Besides, the interest level is strongly dependent on what exactly we are doing while staying home.
    Exactly so. It may seem boring to others, but who cares really if the two individuals are highly engaged and having an enjoyable time. Lots of noise or people is not fun for me, or for him. The quiet of his residence and the quality of the time spent together cannot be understated. And is definitely not boring or dull....to the two people for whom it really matters.
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