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  1. #1
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    Default I am INFP. He is ISTP. Are these differences normal personality differences?

    I am an INFP in a new relationship with ISTP male.
    Just wondering if these slight issues are normal due to our differences or a sign of something not working:

    1. I feel he is very emotionally stable which is good but I feel that I cant yet be my cranky/moody self with him as I feel he will be intimidated by this lol?
    2. He talks a lot more than I do. He was actually surprised at this saying ''I am usually reserved but for some reason with you I can talk for ages.'' It is probably 70% him talking and me listening.
    3. We talk a lot about everything and anything but when it comes to things like psychological concepts he seems to brush it off or not entirely understand it?
    4. He is intelligent but not intellectual e.g. he used to be a pilot. I went to college. I feel like I'm more intellectual than he is but he is more common sense?
    5. He is a very quick talker and I love his witty humour. I can take a while to respond to questions when asked and I feel like he gets uncomfortable or bored and quickly closes this gap by saying something, which can be irritating lol.
    6. Financially he is not in the best place as he is a risk-taker. I'm more of a stable saver. Even though I am much younger than him I am probably in a better place financially.

    Otherwise we seem to get along well. He doesn't like pointless arguments, we can have a debate without shouting, he is super calming, he is very kind, generous, patient and even romantic (sent me beautiful roses at home), he is close to his family, he likes fixing things, he likes to take me out on dates and ''do things,'' he wants me to meet his parents and he is for some reason...even though he isn't the best looking guy... super duper sexy. I feel like I could jump him all the time but I refrain from doing so as I dont want to be a pest!!

    Are these differences normal and workable?
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  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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  3. #3
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    Thanks !

  4. #4
    empress Nørrsken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by illyxo View Post
    I am an INFP in a new relationship with ISTP male.
    Just wondering if these slight issues are normal due to our differences or a sign of something not working:

    1. I feel he is very emotionally stable which is good but I feel that I cant yet be my cranky/moody self with him as I feel he will be intimidated by this lol?
    This is very subjective. ISTP men can be moody and cranky when things go very wrong too, so don't be upset by this.

    2. He talks a lot more than I do. He was actually surprised at this saying ''I am usually reserved but for some reason with you I can talk for ages.'' It is probably 70% him talking and me listening.
    He uses Fe, and you use Fi. Fe users, no matter where it is, are more talkative and outgoing, even if they are introverts.

    3. We talk a lot about everything and anything but when it comes to things like psychological concepts he seems to brush it off or not entirely understand it?
    It's called him being a sensor and having no patience for things that have no practicality to it. It doesn't mean he doesn't understand or is dumb, just thinks differently from you.

    4. He is intelligent but not intellectual e.g. he used to be a pilot. I went to college. I feel like I'm more intellectual than he is but he is more common sense?
    Sensor/Intuitive intelligence differences. Both of you may be roughly equal in terms of IQ and intelligence, just go about it in a different direction.

    5. He is a very quick talker and I love his witty humour. I can take a while to respond to questions when asked and I feel like he gets uncomfortable or bored and quickly closes this gap by saying something, which can be irritating lol.
    The ISTP uses Se as its auxiliary, which means they take action as soon as they pop up. INFP, in comparison, uses Ne, which plays with possibilities and may need a bit of buffering time before talking about these ideas. Sensors are more 'quicker' in this sense.

    6. Financially he is not in the best place as he is a risk-taker. I'm more of a stable saver. Even though I am much younger than him I am probably in a better place financially.
    SP types are very in the now and thus, do not tend to do so well with long range planning. This is something you might have to teach him so that he can become more well versed with the virtue of saving.

    Otherwise we seem to get along well. He doesn't like pointless arguments, we can have a debate without shouting, he is super calming, he is very kind, generous, patient and even romantic (sent me beautiful roses at home), he is close to his family, he likes fixing things, he likes to take me out on dates and ''do things,'' he wants me to meet his parents and he is for some reason...even though he isn't the best looking guy... super duper sexy. I feel like I could jump him all the time but I refrain from doing so as I dont want to be a pest!!

    Are these differences normal and workable?
    It can work if you put the time and effort into it. Do you feel a lot of passion for him? Does he make you become a better person overall? These are very important questions to ask yourself.
    Best of luck.
    I'll follow her into the depths
    I'll find warmth in the steel of her glare
    I'll hear music in the darkness of her silence
    Don't leave me there.

  5. #5
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    You are very right on all those points.

    Just this weekend we had bit of a miscommunication issue:
    I felt his texts were colder/more distant and knew that something was up. I tried not to do my usual ''its something to do with me.'' But by Sunday evening when I had not heard from him all day and we had plans I called him asking what was going on/was he having second thoughts and if so, to just be direct and tell me. He sounded surprised that I even thought this and apologised saying things had happened over the weekend.

    As he was getting off the phone I'm pretty sure he said ''I love you.'' I kinda didn't hear it properly and hung up lol.

    He immediately drove down to see me and explained that he was tired over the weekend and had issues with his boss and finances over the weekend which made him in a bad mood hence the perceived distance, but nothing to do with me. He actually felt really bad that he made me feel that way and was overly apologetic.

    I figure this is an ISTP thing - don't say what the issue is, pretend everything is ok, but retreat into ''man-cave'' when things are not okay?
    Do I ask him about the ''I love you'' or just leave it until he says it again. Just felt it was an awkward time to say it.
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  6. #6
    Senior(ita) Member Cloudpatrol's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by illyxo View Post
    You are very right on all those points.

    Just this weekend we had bit of a miscommunication issue:
    I felt his texts were colder/more distant and knew that something was up. I tried not to do my usual ''its something to do with me.'' But by Sunday evening when I had not heard from him all day and we had plans I called him asking what was going on/was he having second thoughts and if so, to just be direct and tell me. He sounded surprised that I even thought this and apologised saying things had happened over the weekend.

    As he was getting off the phone I'm pretty sure he said ''I love you.'' I kinda didn't hear it properly and hung up lol.

    He immediately drove down to see me and explained that he was tired over the weekend and had issues with his boss and finances over the weekend which made him in a bad mood hence the perceived distance, but nothing to do with me. He actually felt really bad that he made me feel that way and was overly apologetic.

    I figure this is an ISTP thing - don't say what the issue is, pretend everything is ok, but retreat into ''man-cave'' when things are not okay?
    Do I ask him about the ''I love you'' or just leave it until he says it again. Just felt it was an awkward time to say it.

    Congrats. STP's are awesome!

    One of the friend's closest to my heart is an ISTP and he has taught me hella lot about direct communication.


    He would observe me be emotional and awkward when upset and he insisted I outright 'vent' to him. He likes when I say exactly what is on my mind and doesn't get the sense of 'hints' or undercurrent communication at all.

    The great aspect of this is that he also doesn't hold anything against me when I am blunt. So, if you are wondering about something I don't think it hurts to just ask. Especially if you enjoy laughing together at misunderstandings that do naturally arise. You handled this speed bump beautifully and he obviously appreciated you addressing it directly.

    That he drove down immediately, speaks highly to his care and involvement re: you.


    Marriage taught me that men in general, often will 'retreat' a bit to figure things out when challenges arise. A wise woman will learn to not take it personally, give supportive space and make it clear that she is available when he is feeling more himself again.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    I feel he will be intimidated by this lol?

    For some reasons, I have noticed very very often Fi dom are worried about what is going to think this or that partner.
    Why should he think intimidated ? Are you sure it's not "just a thing" from.....your imagination, by any chance ?

    I refrain from doing so as I dont want to be a pest
    Wise choice

    Let's be serious for a while, you seem to have a real crush for that guy. And that's why you are worrying too much (in my very humble opinion).
    Those differences seem to create a kind of balance in your couple. It is totally vital for it to survive !
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
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  8. #8
    Senior(ita) Member Cloudpatrol's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedAmazoneFriendZone View Post

    I feel he will be intimidated by this lol?

    For some reasons, I have noticed very very often Fi dom are worried about what is going to think this or that partner.
    Why should he think intimidated ? Are you sure it's not "just a thing" from.....your imagination, by any chance ?

    I refrain from doing so as I dont want to be a pest
    Wise choice

    Let's be serious for a while, you seem to have a real crush for that guy. And that's why you are worrying too much (in my very humble opinion).
    Those differences seem to create a kind of balance in your couple. It is totally vital for it to survive !
    SOOO true. Instead of letting the person have the dignity of providing us with an answer...letting us know what they think...Fi doms tend to 'create' possible answers in their minds. It takes trust to be vulnerable and risk answers we aren't comfortable with, but the rewards are SO GREAT.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedAmazoneFriendZone View Post

    I feel he will be intimidated by this lol?

    For some reasons, I have noticed very very often Fi dom are worried about what is going to think this or that partner.
    Why should he think intimidated ? Are you sure it's not "just a thing" from.....your imagination, by any chance ?

    I refrain from doing so as I dont want to be a pest
    Wise choice

    Let's be serious for a while, you seem to have a real crush for that guy. And that's why you are worrying too much (in my very humble opinion).
    Those differences seem to create a kind of balance in your couple. It is totally vital for it to survive !
    Hehe

    I actually think that is a major part of it. I totally dig him and I'm overthinking everything.

    Feel like I'm back in high school again
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  10. #10
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudpatrol View Post
    SOOO true. Instead of letting the person have the dignity of providing us with an answer...letting us know what they think...Fi doms tend to 'create' possible answers in their minds. It takes trust to be vulnerable and risk answers we aren't comfortable with, but the rewards are SO GREAT.
    Fi/Ne. Ne/Fi.

    When they have practice with a person? They can be mind-readers. But the initial "figuring out" of a person is what they like just as much as what they dislike.

    That's my take, anyway.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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