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  1. #1
    Junior Member Jojobee's Avatar
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    Default INTP & XNFX (Online Relationship)

    A year and a half ago I made an OkCupid account. After a couple months of meeting people near by and not really feeling sparks I decided to search site wide who I was most compatible with regardless of distance. That's how I met my long distance boyfriend of over a year Nick. I'm in Michigan and he's in Florida. This is starting to sound like an episode of "Catfish" haha! -serious time back to story- The only hard part about the distance of the last 13 months since he asked me to be his girlfriend, has been not being able to physically be next to each other. He is my first actual boyfriend. Isn't that crazy? He's 23 and I'm 22. I'm still a virgin and have only kissed one boy an ENTP -one of the first boys I met on the OkCupid app may it R.I.P- If only I could take that first kiss back, if you could even call that slobbery attack on my face a kiss, I held on to it for 21 years for crying out loud and in one fell swoop I turned my head to have it mauled from me. Not to be offensive but to explain my situation I'm not saving myself for marriage, I was a chubby girl and got teased horribly through my childhood and adolescence I was molested. I have absolutely horrible self esteem. Boys scare me. So I've been alone most of my life. Besides my girlfriends and my family. I'm a girly girl I stick to my girls, puppies, gay men, and my mama. That's my safety net. Woah I didn't expect this to be so long I'm so sorry! Nick is a nerd! I love nerds! He is hands down the most sexiest, attractive, man (nerd hehe) I have ever encountered. He likes his alone time, he keeps a few friends, loves gaming and anime with a passion. I'm a size 18 I got curves all over musician/beauty blogger and besides his baby face -om nom nom- is a toothpick. It's great because I don't really have a physical type other than dear God hygiene and teeth please. Nick likes curvy women. It sounds to good to be true. He doesn't like to talk on the phone he said he finds it awkward even with his mother, but whenever we did in the start he was an amazing conversationalist and really took the lead. He is real we snap chat each other through out the day and nothing has ever not added up. We've sent each other videos on snap too but never actually face timed even though he suggested it. Given my past I am very insecure and the idea of video chatting initially made me nervous. I felt so unattractive and just thought he was out of my league. I made him take the MBTI and found out he was an INTP and it fits him to a T. I've taken in it multiple times and 80% of the time I'm either INFJ or ENFJ and a couple of times I've gotten ENFP and INFP. But I'm literally diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder so that could be why. Since our relationship we've only had 1-2 honest to goodness fights. One was involving me sending a certain kind of nude because of my insecurities. He called me on his lunch crying and apologizing. That was a few months into our relationship. He said his anxiety medication had him bent out of shape which I can relate to. We recently had our second one if you could call it that. Every time I asked him if he had FB he said no. A couple weeks ago FB urged me to friend people in my contacts and low and behold there was his profile. Nothing bad it all checks out. So I messaged him on there. Like fancy meeting you here. I was totally crushed even though it was something so trivial. Talking is all we have. Don't lie. I never worried about other girls, which may or may not be dumb. He hasn't had a girlfriend since HS. He literally told me in one of our first conversations he was shocked because no girls ever hit him up. His Facebook is squeaky clean. I do believe him and trust him. Stupid as I may be. I usually can pride him on his honesty he is honest even if it hurts and it can. We talked it out we still didn't add each other which I'm okay with. But I'm left scratching my head as to why? He can be very distant at times and that makes me feel like I'm needy, or clingy. He insists I'm not. But sometimes I feel like I give 80% into the relationship effort. I've had to grow out of my insecurities to be able to share my hideous body with someone. I am always a text away and I will be right there, sometimes he hasn't responded at all even when I'm distressed. He knows I love him I've said it a few times and he hasn't ever said it back so I stopped. I don't know what that's about. I asked him flat out if he still wants to be in a relationship with me, if he feels passion, excitement, desire, if he would fight for me. He said yes. But I'm just sitting here like you just gonna hold on to all those treats? He can be a total dreamboat and fall of the map next. Usually when he's depressed other times I really don't know what he's doing maybe gaming? We both want to meet but our professional lives have been up and down through out the year. My plan is since he just started his new factory job to just ask about it every 3-4 months to see if there's some time he could take off maybe for a holiday. I recently got my phlebotomy lisense and am looking to work at a doctors office so I would get holiday time off anyways. Please INTP men give me your insight! I know this was a lot of reading! But why won't he add me on FB? Why can he be so distant? Why won't he tell me he loves me? All I want is a little more. Just a little bit more of his attention. Please help.
    Last edited by Jojobee; 08-01-2016 at 02:05 PM.
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  2. #2
    I wanna fcken feel right Numbly Aware's Avatar
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    I, too, would like to understand guys better...
    I enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing!
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  3. #3
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
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    @Jojobee Hmm... that pretty much sounds like how my relationship with my ex went. Now that I look back on it, it was kind of rocky all the way to the very end - mostly because we each had our own insecurities, no matter how honest we were with each other. On top of that, we never met each other in person. (We first talked a lot on TypoC, then via email and/or Skype.)

    First off, you should definitely ask him why he lied to you about not having a FB account in the first place. Why did he feel the need to hide that from you? That's one thing I don't understand either...

    Second, I'd suggest that you try and take care of your own needs every now and then. One fatal mistake I made in my long-distance relationship was constantly depending on my ex for my own emotional needs, which drained him a great deal at times. I still struggle sometimes with the concept of loving myself, especially in moments where I feel guilty for hurting others - but trust me, while it may be difficult to do so, it's also worth it in the long run. As one former friend once told me last year, "You can't give what you don't have - love yourself first, then you will be able to love others too."

    I found two articles just earlier, I hope these help you as well dear

    6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal
    6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

    MY BLOGS: https://freestylelines.blogspot.com/, https://tfthdiary.blogspot.com/
    TWITTER: https://twitter.com/angel_ss1
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