I'm a female INFJ and I have a major crush on a guy, who I believe to be an ENFP. Basically, I made my feelings known to him, but it was bad timing, so he was unable to tell me how he felt about me. Now some time has passed and it's probably better timing now. Still he hasn't revealed his feelings to me. I know that he has a lot of trouble expressing his feelings, which makes sense because of his auxillary function fi. He's a very sensitive person on the inside but doesn't feel comfortable showing it...kind of like he has to play the role of the "typical guy" and hide his emotions to keep his masculinity in tact. My question is, what needs to happen, or what can I do to allow him to feel comfortable expressing his feelings? ENFP males, can you help me out with this one? I suppose he would have to use Fe to do that...what is it like for an ENFP to use Fe?
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ENFP expressing feelings, Fi vs Fe?
- Thread starter goldy
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You are referring to expressions of romantic interest right? edit: okay that must be what you are saying because you said "I revealed my feelings to him..." Hold on please...
ChocolateMoose123
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A side note: I also see exactly what goldy is describing with my ENFP and we already have move past love stages. So, there is something to be said for this as a type thing, too.
Although, I don't see this in terms of him trying to remain 'masculine' (although, part of this in the beginning of our relationship held true )
Anyway, curious to hear what you think. Situation may be different for goldy, but we have noticed the same thing in ENFPs.
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I don't really see masculinity holding back an ENFP in this way. Maybe he might not be as forthcoming with verbalizing feelings in the name of masculinity, but if he had no reservations I think he would've shown you somehow that he was interested in you. If he really is ENFP then it's likely there's other things knocking around in this guy's head.
Who first expressed their love....? *If* I understand my feelings I have no problem expressing them.
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He did.
[MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] said is accurate and how I see him *now* but when I first was involved, I had similar thoughts to goldy.
So there may be some Fe/Fi expectations not being understood between them.
I think ENFP's are just like this. To someone with Ti/Se/Ni/Fe it just reads SO foreign.
She talks about *expression* and Fe is expressive. It's how we pick up clues. Fi is like, "what's the issue?" Everything is very internal and the Fe user is left feeling a bit stranded.
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I have a much closer view on Fi, being involved with a Fi primary now. I suppose there is a pretty big difference between how Fi operates and what makes sense to Fe. Fi, especially from an Extrovert, does things, it holds hands and it looks in your eyes it makes gestures. But it certainly doesn't feel compelled to use words to define things and the words it uses are very personal in definition.
OP:
The thing you have together, whatever it is, is what it is, regardless of declaration. I think that's the default of ENFP understanding. As far as what your situation 'actually' is, I can't even guess with what you've said.
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I also don't want to hijack [MENTION=28319]goldy[/MENTION] thread here but I have seen ENFP's while certain of what they feel, get super cagey if pushed for definite proof of verbalization.
It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.
I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.
I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
Yes, this is something I sympathize with greatly and feel heavy-hearted for all the times I've choked-up when wanting to express something beautiful. [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] is dead-on that this has so little to do with ENFP genderlines. This is working with a mind of a thousand thoughts and a feeling function that demands absolute authenticity.
I also don't want to hijack [MENTION=28319]goldy[/MENTION] thread here but I have seen ENFP's while certain of what they feel, get super cagey if pushed for definite proof of verbalization.
It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.
I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
I have a hard time if pushed. My focus needs to be on expressing something profound with absolute truth but my mind will then shift to the obligation and ill wish to bolt.
Yes, romantic feelings mostly, but also just feelings in general, like upset feelings or confused feelings.
That's reassuring to hear you have had a similar finding with ENFPs, I do think this is a common trait for them. I think that the masculinity thing may not be strictly type related, it has to do with the way he was brought up and experiences he has had in the past, I believe. But the fi and the masculinity thing do seem to relate to each other, I think it maybe increases his preference of fi over fe.
Yes, this is a complicated situation and I wouldn't be surprized if there were many things going on in his head in regards to the idea of me, or the idea of "him and I". I wish that he could tell me what his specific reservations are...I wish we could talk it through.
It is quite possible that he does not understand his feelings towards me.
I do feel like there's a gap in our communication because of the Fe/Fi. Despite being an INFJ, I do use Fi quite a bit, when it comes to certain personal, deep feelings that I want to keep to myself. I'm not a stranger to it and can empathize with his need to use it, but that still doesn't let me know what he's thinking or feeling and it leaves me not knowing what to do.
yeah I know. it's a complicated situation and i wish i could explain more, but I feel like I shouldn't disclose too much about this, its very personal, i'm sorry if that makes it harder to understand. I'm very appreciative of everyone's comments and for trying to help.
I also don't want to hijack [MENTION=28319]goldy[/MENTION] thread here but I have seen ENFP's while certain of what they feel, get super cagey if pushed for definite proof of verbalization.
It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.
I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
That is an excellent point! I have not and do not want to push him for answers and end up driving him away. I need to find a way to open a dialogue between us that doesn't pressure him, I don't want to do that. I so would love for him to open up to me and I would listen with no judgement, he would be safe talking to me, his thoughts and feelings would be safe with me, I would absolutely keep everything just between us. Even if he can't say these things, showing me works too. I'll take whatever I can get here. But I do understand how hard it must be for him to express, I really empathize with that.
I'll try to explain this as best as I can, it's very complicated. I expressed my long withheld feelings from the past and I think made it clear that I still have those feelings. I want to know if he felt for me in the past, the same way I felt about him and whether or not he still has those feelings or ever could have those feelings again. I want to know if he'd be open to pursuing a relationship with me.
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