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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP expressing feelings, Fi vs Fe?

    I'm a female INFJ and I have a major crush on a guy, who I believe to be an ENFP. Basically, I made my feelings known to him, but it was bad timing, so he was unable to tell me how he felt about me. Now some time has passed and it's probably better timing now. Still he hasn't revealed his feelings to me. I know that he has a lot of trouble expressing his feelings, which makes sense because of his auxillary function fi. He's a very sensitive person on the inside but doesn't feel comfortable showing it...kind of like he has to play the role of the "typical guy" and hide his emotions to keep his masculinity in tact. My question is, what needs to happen, or what can I do to allow him to feel comfortable expressing his feelings? ENFP males, can you help me out with this one? I suppose he would have to use Fe to do that...what is it like for an ENFP to use Fe?
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  2. #2
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by goldy View Post
    I'm a female INFJ and I have a major crush on a guy, who I believe to be an ENFP. Basically, I made my feelings known to him, but it was bad timing, so he was unable to tell me how he felt about me. Now some time has passed and it's probably better timing now. Still he hasn't revealed his feelings to me. I know that he has a lot of trouble expressing his feelings, which makes sense because of his auxillary function fi. He's a very sensitive person on the inside but doesn't feel comfortable showing it...kind of like he has to play the role of the "typical guy" and hide his emotions to keep his masculinity in tact. My question is, what needs to happen, or what can I do to allow him to feel comfortable expressing his feelings? ENFP males, can you help me out with this one? I suppose he would have to use Fe to do that...what is it like for an ENFP to use Fe?


    You are referring to expressions of romantic interest right? edit: okay that must be what you are saying because you said "I revealed my feelings to him..." Hold on please...
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  3. #3
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    You are referring to expressions of romantic interest right? edit: okay that must be what you are saying because you said "I revealed my feelings to him..." Hold on please...
    A side note: I also see exactly what goldy is describing with my ENFP and we already have move past love stages. So, there is something to be said for this as a type thing, too.

    Although, I don't see this in terms of him trying to remain 'masculine' (although, part of this in the beginning of our relationship held true )

    Anyway, curious to hear what you think. Situation may be different for goldy, but we have noticed the same thing in ENFPs.
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  4. #4
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I don't really see masculinity holding back an ENFP in this way. Maybe he might not be as forthcoming with verbalizing feelings in the name of masculinity, but if he had no reservations I think he would've shown you somehow that he was interested in you. If he really is ENFP then it's likely there's other things knocking around in this guy's head.

  5. #5
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    A side note: I also see exactly what goldy is describing with my ENFP and we already have move past love stages. So, there is something to be said for this as a type thing, too.

    Although, I don't see this in terms of him trying to remain 'masculine' (although, part of this in the beginning of our relationship held true - he never used to cry in front of me, now he does without much discomfort, if he is stressed).

    Which is great because I really think not letting out emotions is really detrimental for him.

    Anyway, curious to hear what you think. Situation may be different for goldy, but we have noticed the same thing in ENFPs.

    Who first expressed their love....? *If* I understand my feelings I have no problem expressing them.
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  6. #6
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Who first expressed their love....? *If* I understand my feelings I have no problem expressing them.
    He did.
    @Qlip said is accurate and how I see him *now* but when I first was involved, I had similar thoughts to goldy.

    So there may be some Fe/Fi expectations not being understood between them.

    I think ENFP's are just like this. To someone with Ti/Se/Ni/Fe it just reads SO foreign.

    She talks about *expression* and Fe is expressive. It's how we pick up clues. Fi is like, "what's the issue?" Everything is very internal and the Fe user is left feeling a bit stranded.
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  7. #7
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    He did.
    @Qlip said is accurate and how I see him *now* but when I first was involved, I had similar thoughts to goldy.

    So there may be some Fe/Fi expectations not being understood between them.

    I think ENFP's are just like this. To someone with Ti/Se/Ni/Fe it just reads SO foreign.

    She talks about *expression* and Fe is expressive. It's how we pick up clues. Fi is like, "what's the issue?" Everything is very internal and the Fe user is left feeling a bit stranded.
    I have a much closer view on Fi, being involved with a Fi primary now. I suppose there is a pretty big difference between how Fi operates and what makes sense to Fe. Fi, especially from an Extrovert, does things, it holds hands and it looks in your eyes it makes gestures. But it certainly doesn't feel compelled to use words to define things and the words it uses are very personal in definition.

    OP:

    The thing you have together, whatever it is, is what it is, regardless of declaration. I think that's the default of ENFP understanding. As far as what your situation 'actually' is, I can't even guess with what you've said.

  8. #8
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I also don't want to hijack @goldy thread here but I have seen ENFP's while certain of what they feel, get super cagey if pushed for definite proof of verbalization.

    It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.

    I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
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  9. #9
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    He did.
    @Qlip said is accurate and how I see him *now* but when I first was involved, I had similar thoughts to goldy.

    So there may be some Fe/Fi expectations not being understood between them.

    I think ENFP's are just like this. To someone with Ti/Se/Ni/Fe it just reads SO foreign.

    She talks about *expression* and Fe is expressive. It's how we pick up clues. Fi is like, "what's the issue?" Everything is very internal and the Fe user is left feeling a bit stranded.

    Yes, this is something I sympathize with greatly and feel heavy-hearted for all the times I've choked-up when wanting to express something beautiful. @Qlip is dead-on that this has so little to do with ENFP genderlines. This is working with a mind of a thousand thoughts and a feeling function that demands absolute authenticity.
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  10. #10
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I also don't want to hijack @goldy thread here but I have seen ENFP's while certain of what they feel, get super cagey if pushed for definite proof of verbalization.

    It's weird how similar we are (ISTP's/ENFP's) when it comes to this.

    I would back off a bit. Let him come to you. I'm not an ENFP tho. They can speak better for their own kind
    I have a hard time if pushed. My focus needs to be on expressing something profound with absolute truth but my mind will then shift to the obligation and ill wish to bolt.
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