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  1. #1
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    Default ESTP/ENFP relationship

    Anyone have any experiences/opinions/observations on this combo?

    I'm an ENFP 7w8 (female) currently in a relationship with an ESTP 8w7 (male) and it's going great, considering all the negative views there are on this pairing!

  2. #2
    Senior Member riva's Avatar
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    Let's assume I am most obviously an ESTP for the purpose of this thread.

    I get along with ENFPs well.

    Both types are extroverted, perceivers who likes to enjoy the moment, interact with others (both types are usually somewhat chatty), both types are rather curious, relatively outgoing and have good social circles. Also both types are NOT social butterflies nor do they try to be though ENFPs can give it a run for it. None are very concerned about the rules and don't mind being messy. Both types are independent and would enjoy independent partners who are NOT needy (unless it's a narcissistic partner).

    I had one romantic relationship with an ENFP female. It went well except for it couldn't continue due to obvious demographic differences. It didn't last for long, so I can't comment much on my romantic experiences with her. It ended on very friendly terms.

    I think the ESTP will have to learn to listen to and respect the ENFPs feelings. ESTPs are at most times dismissive of feelings of others and themselves. This is going to be a huge issue if they are going to date an NF especially an NFP. FPs feel very strongly attached to their feelings (or something like that) and unlike an FJ they might not be able to cater to other person's feelings and play the one who compromises. Basically ESTPs aren't sensitive enough AT ALL.

    Something that might annoy the ESTP is that ENFPs have 'I am chasing butterflies' kinda vibe. They wouldn't mind that - infact they would like that since they would enjoy an independent partner - however, too much too lost for too long would annoy the ESTP. ESTPs though messy and appear disorganized are quite - I don't know - methodical (I think?). They wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake over and over. Also they like to finish things though they are messy. I think ESTPs are the most likely to get shit done out of all EXXPs. So a partner who always get lost in their heads might piss an ESTP off. However, if their work life aren't affecting one another (they are independent) it would be fine (I think).

    --------------------

    In an ideal relationship a good partner would be someone who doesn't try to change the other person but love that person for who he/she is.
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  3. #3
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I think it has disastrous potential. However everyone is different so potentially it can also be great. Ime, it's a drunken party on a train...before the derailing and inevitable wreck.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"
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    Senior Member riva's Avatar
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    ^ you need to start quoting or mentioning posters if you want them to start replying.
    .

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    I think it has disastrous potential. However everyone is different so potentially it can also be great. Ime, it's a drunken party on a train...before the derailing and inevitable wreck.

    Thank you for your interest take on this combo haha! Out of curiosity are you speaking from experience or from knowledge of the twos characteristics?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    Let's assume I am most obviously an ESTP for the purpose of this thread.

    I get along with ENFPs well.

    Both types are extroverted, perceivers who likes to enjoy the moment, interact with others (both types are usually somewhat chatty), both types are rather curious, relatively outgoing and have good social circles. Also both types are NOT social butterflies nor do they try to be though ENFPs can give it a run for it. None are very concerned about the rules and don't mind being messy. Both types are independent and would enjoy independent partners who are NOT needy (unless it's a narcissistic partner).

    I had one romantic relationship with an ENFP female. It went well except for it couldn't continue due to obvious demographic differences. It didn't last for long, so I can't comment much on my romantic experiences with her. It ended on very friendly terms.

    I think the ESTP will have to learn to listen to and respect the ENFPs feelings. ESTPs are at most times dismissive of feelings of others and themselves. This is going to be a huge issue if they are going to date an NF especially an NFP. FPs feel very strongly attached to their feelings (or something like that) and unlike an FJ they might not be able to cater to other person's feelings and play the one who compromises. Basically ESTPs aren't sensitive enough AT ALL.

    Something that might annoy the ESTP is that ENFPs have 'I am chasing butterflies' kinda vibe. They wouldn't mind that - infact they would like that since they would enjoy an independent partner - however, too much too lost for too long would annoy the ESTP. ESTPs though messy and appear disorganized are quite - I don't know - methodical (I think?). They wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake over and over. Also they like to finish things though they are messy. I think ESTPs are the most likely to get shit done out of all EXXPs. So a partner who always get lost in their heads might piss an ESTP off. However, if their work life aren't affecting one another (they are independent) it would be fine (I think).

    --------------------

    In an ideal relationship a good partner would be someone who doesn't try to change the other person but love that person for who he/she is.

    Thank you for your reply I found it very insightful! I agree with every point you make. You explored the points that are made quite commonly about the potential implications between this match. Basically the two main problems are that ENFP's can be too emotional and dreamy. I am not a typical ENFP due to my strongly my developed Ti, this makes me less emotionally needy than a typical ENFP, meaning I can put my emotions aside to comply with the rational thinking of the ESTP. On many occasions, tests have typed me as an ENTP. That is not to say I don't possess the emotional intensity of the ENFP however to my fortune my ESTP has a well developed Fe meaning that he can understand emotions of others quite impressively, although this is not always expressed I can still see it through the things he says and how he acts.

    You are also right in your comparisons of strength between this couple, both me and my ESTP are very sociable however his "people skills" are far far farrrrr more natural to him than mine, which I actually enjoy as it means that he takes the lead in the majority of social situations haha!

    I like this match because I feel that the ENFP is able to "free" the ESTP of their solid hold in reality while the ESTP is able to bring the ENFP back "down to earth". His "get up and go" attitude motivates me to break free from my extreme tendency to procrastinate.

    All in all I favour this combo, I think that if both parties are grounded individuals who are willing to take their differences as a learning curve then it will all be sweet and dandy . However I did get lucky to get an ESTP that is so emotionally in-touch, so refreshing!!

    Sorry if I have rambled on (ENFP, forgive me )

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    ^ you need to start quoting or mentioning posters if you want them to start replying.
    thank you and fixed.

  8. #8
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonahood View Post
    I am not a typical ENFP due to my strongly my developed Ti, this makes me less emotionally needy than a typical ENFP, meaning I can put my emotions aside to comply with the rational thinking of the ESTP. On many occasions, tests have typed me as an ENTP. That is not to say I don't possess the emotional intensity of the ENFP however to my fortune my ESTP has a well developed Fe meaning that he can understand emotions of others quite impressively, although this is not always expressed I can still see it through the things he says and how he acts.
    Honestly I have never known an ENFP with even remotely developed Ti (or even a desire to develop it), it's our Achilles heel & part of our fundamental make-up. Much more likely to have well developed Te. I seriously doubt you are any kind of ENFP if you have well developed Ti.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Honestly I have never known an ENFP with even remotely developed Ti (or even a desire to develop it), it's our Achilles heel & part of our fundamental make-up. Much more likely to have well developed Te. I seriously doubt you are any kind of ENFP if you have well developed Ti.
    You make a very reasonable point here, my 3 strongest functions are Ne, Ti then Se, respectively. Yet 9/10 times of doing countless tests, I score as an ENFP. Through self-reflection I also feel that I relate to the characteristics of the ENFP the most out of all types. I have also scored as ENTP/INFJ before, but this is rare.

  10. #10
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonahood View Post
    You make a very reasonable point here, my 3 strongest functions are Ne, Ti then Se, respectively. Yet 9/10 times of doing countless tests, I score as an ENFP. Through self-reflection I also feel that I relate to the characteristics of the ENFP the most out of all types. I have also scored as ENTP/INFJ before, but this is rare.
    You could just be a ENTP with a high fe, it could account for a lot here. Having Ti then Ne as your two stronger functions would actually indicate INTP over ENTP, though i'd wager, if i were a betting woman, on ENTP.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

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