User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 33

  1. #1
    Member Hetaira's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    44

    Default ENTP INFP relationship....resumed after 30 years

    Hello everyone. I am new here.

    I have completely fallen in love only two times in my life...with two ENTP's. Something about the XNTP is magical, intense and overwhelming chemistry like no other. Part physical and part mental. I have deliberately been out of an old ENTP's life for over 30 years...because he was married. He loved me dearly many years ago..but I could not take the intimacy and "ran."

    Now..I have moved back to my hometown...and he has come over twice and often texts me. He has shared everything with me...his current death spiral, his current drinking, his long and miserable marriage to an ESFJ (who I actually know and know how miserable they both are). He shared with me his two affairs (ESTP & ????).

    My dilemma is this: I still love him...and since my divorce 8 years ago (ex-ISTP) have never remarried..though been engaged 3 times (ISTP, ISFP, ESFP). I was afraid if he ever showed up at my door single, I would leave whoever for this man (ENTP).

    We have started becoming more intimate...but due to my strong FI, I have shared, I can't/won't share any man I sleep with. So..he knows the boundaries.

    But he is still married. I am violating my own values/principles and it is killing me..but I feel there is more from him towards me than just a desire to get laid. He is attractive and could be with anyone, anytime. He stated he has been faithful for the last 5 years...and I believe him. He will share everything with me...and has never lied to me.

    Our connection is the NE....he and I both can spend hours talking/listening about his ideas...current businesses he owns, etc. His goals, etc.

    Your thoughts? Ideas?

  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,294

    Default



    Have you considered that he comes to you because you enable him?
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
    Likes Hetaira liked this post

  3. #3
    Member Hetaira's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Enable him? Help me understand your meaning please.

    Listen to him? Validate his ideas? Follow his line of reasoning and logic? Yes. Guilty.

    Enable him by sleeping with him? I can't...goes against my personal values.

  4. #4
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,075

    Default

    That's a tough one. If you guys really have a thing for each other then I'd sit with him and try to figure out a way he can be fully available for you. As long as he's married and there's all this drama to boot its going to be part of your relationship and will probably hinder ever realizing its full potential. That will leave one or both of you unsatisfied in the end. If he doesn't seem willing to move on with his life and pursue something with you then you're wasting your time in the long run just for a little gratification in the present.
    @Hetaira , I'd like an INFP female's point of view:

    So I just struck up a relationship with an INFP 4 months ago. So far so good (?) I mean I think it's good. I think I am an ENTP ( no other functions seem to describe me better). I'm early 30s and she's mid-late 20s in terms of age. So here's the lowdown. We met on a dating site and talked for about two weeks over text and a little bit over the phone before we decided to meet up for dinner. First date was great. Good Italian dinner and great conversation. I did most of the talking but she was a good listener and did ask interesting questions. She did do a bit of talking too but it was evident that she was more at ease listening and commenting responses. Eh , you know what. This could be rather long and I don't want to bore anyone but I'm genuinely confused about some stuff. I'll PM it to you if you want. Just let me know. Thanks.
    Likes Hetaira liked this post

  5. #5
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,294

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hetaira View Post
    Enable him? Help me understand your meaning please.

    Listen to him? Validate his ideas? Follow his line of reasoning and logic? Yes. Guilty.

    Enable him by sleeping with him? I can't...goes against my personal values.
    We have started becoming more intimate...but due to my strong FI, I have shared, I can't/won't share any man I sleep with. So..he knows the boundaries.
    But he is still married. I am violating my own values/principles and it is killing me
    How does that work? Looks like enabling to me.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
    Likes Hetaira liked this post

  6. #6
    Member Hetaira's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    44

    Default

    No...enabling is doing things for others they are capable of doing for themselves....washing clothes, cooking meals, giving money...etc.

  7. #7
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,294

    Default

    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
    Likes Hetaira, Forever liked this post

  8. #8
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,418

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hetaira View Post
    No...enabling is doing things for others they are capable of doing for themselves....washing clothes, cooking meals, giving money...etc.
    And making excuses for them, justifying their behavior, becoming more intimate even though it violates your "boundaries" which it doesn't sound like you have much of when it comes to him. He's going to get you to justify sleeping with him eventually and he knows it. It's a matter of time.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes phobik, Hetaira, MDP2525 liked this post

  9. #9
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Hi new person,

    This will sound a bit harsh since we don't have time to ease into this, but I feel like you're either looking for a kick in the pants to stop seeing him or permission to let yourself go where you want to go. I'm afraid that a case can be made for both paths, but I sense you're leaning to wanting this man and trying to find some justification to go for that. So, I'm going to give you a little kick from the opposite direction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hetaira View Post
    But he is still married. I am violating my own values/principles and it is killing me..but I feel there is more from him towards me than just a desire to get laid. He is attractive and could be with anyone, anytime. He stated he has been faithful for the last 5 years...and I believe him. He will share everything with me...and has never lied to me.
    Yes, you are violating your own principles. I don't care if he's the most entrancing man on the planet, having values means having values. He is still married, and just because you're not, doesn't mean you're not helping violate a bond of trust. Unless he doesn't want to be married anymore, in which case he'd be taking action to end that; so, is he? Until that time, you don't have any inviolable path to him. I hear the lies you're telling yourself in there, and the spin that you're putting on this to make it sound more palatable.

    So what if you fell in love with him in the past? So what if he could be with anyone, anytime? So what if he's been faithful for the last 5 years? So what if he tells you everything? Every one of those statements is utterly irrelevant in the context of YOUR values.

    I encourage you to not frame your actions with such irrelevant rationalizations.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
    Likes phobik, cascadeco, Hetaira, MDP2525 liked this post

  10. #10
    Privileged Sh!tlord ZNP-TBA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,075

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    And making excuses for them, justifying their behavior, becoming more intimate even though it violates your "boundaries" which it doesn't sound like you have much of when it comes to him. He's going to get you to justify sleeping with him eventually and he knows it. It's a matter of time.
    Yeah but you can't assume you know all the relevant factors. It sounds like the guy's marriage is an unhappy one and its only a matter of time before it's over. However, I do agree with you as far as the general principle goes. It's not wise to move forward with someone locked in a marriage even if its an unhappy one. He should end things in one relationship before starting another and @Hetaira I would try to put the brakes on getting closer until he is actually available.
    Likes Hetaira liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] ISTP/INFP Relationship
    By songofcalamity in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 146
    Last Post: 07-07-2017, 07:08 PM
  2. [INFP] INFP-INFP Relationship?
    By INFPtheQuietOne in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 02-12-2017, 09:44 PM
  3. [INFP] Best INFP Relationships
    By lulabelle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-07-2014, 07:08 PM
  4. ENTP male rediscovering MBTI after several years off
    By Amphion in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-04-2010, 06:10 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO