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  1. #1
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Default INTJ + ISFP relationships

    Friendship and dating, what are the pro's and con's of these relationships? How do INTJs perceive ISFPs?
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  2. #2
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    The only ISFP I know in real life is my sister, and we... do not get along well. But she's an extremely unhealthy enneagram 6 ISFP. I can't understand her paranoia and defensiveness, and she doesn't understand my unemotional, rational nature. She takes everything so personally that I can hardly have a conversation with her that doesn't end with her being angry with me.

    If I knew a healthy ISFP, I would probably like them just fine. I get along pretty well with FPs in general.

  3. #3
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I've observed a few different things between INTJs and ISFPs, and I can make some extrapolations based on functions and general type tendencies.

    As far as day to day interactions go, I tend to notice more cons in relations between ISFPs and INTJs than I do pros. Perhaps this is born of a place of misunderstanding. Typically, the values of the standard INTJs I've observed do not mesh very well with ISFPs. I'd also like to note that when it comes to types having the whole "first letter in common thing" (ISTP + INFJ, ENTP + ESFJ, etc) there are a lot of issues.

    In theory, however, we can look at the functions of an INTJ:

    Ni, Te, Fi, Se

    And the functions of an ISFP:

    Fi, Se, Ni, Te

    And see that they are the same, yet in a different order (obviously). The benefit to this type of function match-up (or mismatch) is that if both are balanced individuals, one can provide the other with an interesting/different (oftentimes very different) perspective because they are using their functions in different ways. I stress the need for balance, however. In my personal observations, if one of the individuals is very unbalanced in their use of functions, they will likely serve to piss the other off because they are using x function in a way that the other does not respect. (For example, my tertiary use, or tool use, of Fe irritates my ESFJ friends to no end because I use it as a tool, not as a means of relating to the world in the way they do).
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    The only ISFP I know in real life is my sister, and we... do not get along well. But she's an extremely unhealthy enneagram 6 ISFP. I can't understand her paranoia and defensiveness, and she doesn't understand my unemotional, rational nature. She takes everything so personally that I can hardly have a conversation with her that doesn't end with her being angry with me.

    If I knew a healthy ISFP, I would probably like them just fine. I get along pretty well with FPs in general.
    You don't strike me as unemotional on these forums. Just sayin'.

  5. #5
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hijynx View Post
    You don't strike me as unemotional on these forums. Just sayin'.
    I know. I only meant unemotional compared to her. She's... highly volatile.

  6. #6
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    @BadOctopus I've only met one e6 ISFP, and I can concur - I found her irritating as well.

    I've friended and dated a few, and consider one INTJ to be my best friend. We do clash time to time.

    I'm now dating an INTJ that I don't know terribly well yet. He's told me nearly his whole life story, but I don't feel as though he's really opening up on an emotional level. He keeps wanting to hang out and date, but is definitely slow to warm up. He's standoffish at times too. When probed as to why he wants to continue hanging out, he says things like "I feel comfortable around you" or "I like your house/room/car" or "I think you're funny." He's more affectionate when drinking and less so when sober. Though he's coming around more on that one the last few times we've hung out.
    @Antimony Why do you think people clash when they are both introverts or both extroverts?
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green
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  7. #7
    Junior Member Aleph's Avatar
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    I am a 4w5 INTJ and one of my best friends is a 4w5 ISFP. I have a lot of fun with her. She's the most tolerant person I've ever met and we have similar passions so we talk for hours of them. I don't tell her everything because I am not comfortable in sharing my weaknesses but I think that if I told her she would keep the nice relaxed attitude she has on everything else. I have sometimes considered her a little shallow in her opinions, and I soon regretted that because actually she wants to keep her peace of mind and see the best of every situation, which is not as I live but I respect that and I was wrong in being condescendent at first.

  8. #8
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyGhost View Post
    @Antimony Why do you think people clash when they are both introverts or both extroverts?
    Specifically when they have only introversion or extroversion in common.

    It is because they use the same functions, but in ways that the other won't appreciate. I will illustrate with myself (an ENTP) versus an ESFJ.

    Fe is my tertiary. Fe doms tend to not respect the tertiary "tool use" of Fe. I can understand dom Fe, but it frustrates me at times. The ESFJ will be more frustrated with my use of Fe than I will be their use.

    Ne is my dom. I don't respect the tertiary use of Ne in ESFJs. The ESFJ will be more confused by my use of Ne versus my lack of respect for their use of Ne.

    Ti is my auxiliary. I dislike the inferior use of Ti in ESFJs. ESFJs tend to get very frustrated by my "excessive use of logic."

    Si is my inferior. ESFJs can't understand my inferior use of Si because they value it so much. The ESFJ tends to be as frustrated by my use of Si as I am of their use of Si.

    I think they clash further due to issues with communication and information processing.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  9. #9
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleph View Post
    I am a 4w5 INTJ and one of my best friends is a 4w5 ISFP. I have a lot of fun with her. She's the most tolerant person I've ever met and we have similar passions so we talk for hours of them. I don't tell her everything because I am not comfortable in sharing my weaknesses but I think that if I told her she would keep the nice relaxed attitude she has on everything else. I have sometimes considered her a little shallow in her opinions, and I soon regretted that because actually she wants to keep her peace of mind and see the best of every situation, which is not as I live but I respect that and I was wrong in being condescendent at first.
    Yes!

    I guarantee she/he won't judge you.

    The INTJ that I consider my best friend, is also my ex. We have maintained a friendship for the last five years since splitting. I always felt I had some of the most thoughtful conversations with him and truly value him for it.
    I also found the description of "activity partner" to ring true for our friendship. I feel I pull him out of his shell and he brings out the silliest parts of me. He's such a rock and always showed appreciation for my way of being, that I go overboard into my Fi/Se side.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #10
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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